I have to say I'm impressed with your backdrop.
Yes, thank you.
It's absolutely gorgeous.
I'm very smart, I'm very smart.
I don't know if you know that.
(laughs)
Your backgrounds says "I'm very smart",
my background says "I have no friends".
It actually looks like the basement
from "I Love You, Man".
It does, yes, it does, actually, no, this is,
it's a abandoned theater Largo in, in West Hollywood, but,
I love Largo.
Yeah, Largo's a very special place
although it's it has an odor right now.
That might be left over from me, I don't know.
You know, I walked in and I'm like,
it's kind of "Segely".
It's kind of got a Segel stench.
Where, where are you by the way, I can see that you're
in a some kind of public library
in a very well-to-do school,
but where are you exactly?
Yes, well, right now, right now, I'm at my house.
I live, I live like a couple hours outside
of Los Angeles, in a little old farm town.
Oh, nice.
Yes
Do you like, do you like, I mean small town living,
is it, is it boring? Is it okay?
It's boring in a really great way.
I really like, I don't know, I'm, I had grown up in LA,
I had never left and I'd moved to this little town
and pretty instantly, like right when I arrived,
I went to the grocery store and a man sized me up
as an outsider.
And he was like, welcome to town.
Don't be an asshole.
Wow. Okay.
You said, cause that would make you the town asshole.
Then I thought, I like this place.
I wish someone had told me that when I came to LA.
I didn't know, I just,
Oh you're just one of many there.
Yeah.
The nice thing about being an asshole
I have found in LA is I blend right in, no.
Yeah, you know, I really liked,
I really liked knowing my neighbors
and it's a really nice feeling, I like it a lot.
Yeah.
Also though, you do have to,
I've always heard that people in small towns,
like people like John Mellencamp were always
singing the praises of small towns
but the truth is everyone gossips about everybody else.
So you, you have to, you've got to make sure
that you stay on the straight and narrow
and that nobody knows your business.
You have to just do nothing.
You have to do absolutely nothing.
Uh, huh.
You know, I'll tell you a story that
I never told before actually.
Okay.
I popped up some cabins.
I live on an orchard and I popped
up some cabins for our guests come to visit.
[Conan] Yeah.
And one of the guys who was popping
up the cabins made some offhanded joke.
He was like, what are you?
You're starting a nudist colony?
And I kind of laughed it off.
Right.
I was like, ah, yeah.
And then, like a year later I was at a restaurant
and the waitress was like, okay, you have to answer
because they're all taking bets back there.
Is it true?
You moved here to open a nudist colony?
So that was the rumor that spread around.
But I was the big nudist in my town.
You know, I did something a little like that
once I was in a restaurant and it was
after hours and they were sort of closing the place
down and everybody was like laughing and in a good mood.
And I said, as a complete joke,
the, the waiter was like saying anything else.
And I said, "cocaine for everyone", you know, like whatever.
And everybody laughed and the waiter laughed.
And then I swear to God a year later
I went back to the restaurant.
They're like, well, we were here at the time.
You were demanding cocaine.
And I'm like, okay
(laughing)
I said, I've never done cocaine in my life.
I am the squarest.
I don't do drugs.
I was kidding.
And they were like
Whatever, whatever.
Yeah, yeah, You just can't convince them
once it's out there.
I tried to express like, you know,
I've shown my body in several movies.
The chances of me like being a nudist are pretty minimal.
I'd have a better body by now.
(Laughing)