Life is unfair, we know that.
But you can’t escape that gush feeling of envy every time you see that guy who is kind
of a jerk but always gets the pretty girl, the promotion at work and he’s always the
face of the party even though his face is not better looking than yours.
You may think that niceness and agreeability are those beautiful traits that distinguish
you from that jerk everybody adores and make you the better person.
Well not really.
Psychology professor Jordan Peterson would disagree with you.
Because it may be that agreeableness is actually stopping you from leading a more successful
and fulfilling life.
Now remember how you felt when you heard that the professor disagrees with you?
Was your first thought that he is a stupid know nothing guy, or did you get intrigued
because of his certainty and fearlessness to express his disagreement?
If you are like most people, you probably felt a bit of respect for this person and
now you want to hear his opinion.
Why is that?
Well we have a natural curiosity about everything that is different from our opinion.
That’s why we enjoy watching movies about psychopaths and people who did bad and illegal
stuff.
On a conscious level, you probably don’t identify yourself with these type of characters
or stories.
But, according to professor Jung, one of the greatest minds in psychology, all people have
a human shadow.
The human shadow is the “dark side” of our personality consisted of all the primitive,
negative, socially deprecated emotions and impulses.
The only way to know yourself and to predict what other people are capable of doing, is
through a long and deep analysis of your own shadow.
The angel on our shoulder usually whispers to us that a higher moral being is someone
who is incapable of cruelty.
But in reality, people who don’t carry any aggression often end up as the victim of those
who do.
In order to be respected, you have to show strength of character, which is the opposite
of weak and naïve.For example a disagreeable person always knows what he doesn’t want
and reacts accordingly, unlike someone who is agreeable and tends to avoid conflict and
smooth the waters by letting other people have their way.
This agreeableness dates back from childhood when your parents wanted to protect you from
conflict because it was just too dangerous, so they taught you to avoid fights and to
always be nice, kind and considerate of others.
And this is where it gets tricky, because life is filled with potential conflicts.
And now, as a grown person, especially if you are physically and emotionally weak, you’ve
probably developed a fear of conflict.
Your best option is to avoid it and hope that problems will resolve all by themselves.
They won’t..
The truth is that many times in life THERE ARE things that you have to talk about.
So how can you become a more socially desirable person and still get what you want?
Well.. first... say what you think.
In a lot of situations, your thoughts will be unpleasant and cruel for many, but there’s
a great chance that you’ll also be telling the truth, and by that, gaining the respect
of others.
And to successfully deliver a message, it is necessary for it to be straightforward.
It’s also important to learn the ability to negotiate on your own behalf.
Agreeable people put others first, so they don’t have sense for their own desires.
This may seem like a noble characteristic, but it sure doesn’t help in building a career
or attracting women.
The sad truth is that this often lines agreeable people up for being exploited.
If you are truly interested in other people’s desires, instead of agreeing unconditionally,
you should try investigating the views of people that are opposite to yours.
This will open up for you a whole new perspective of the world and will help you develop skills
that you lack of.
For example, if you are an introverted person, by watching how an extrovert acts, you can
learn new behaviors and new ways of dealing with problems.
This jungle of a world that we live in, has taught us that a well socialized but disagreeable
person is forward moving and can move better through the obstacles of life.
Being able to be cruel, but choosing not to be, is better than not being able to be cruel
at all.
Strength is a feeling of confidence and confidence comes from not being afraid to explore the
darkest parts of your own being and the beings of others.
So have fun through your jungle journey of enlightenment and terror, because that is
a path, that eventually we all need to take.