Reddit Relationships, Wife of 12 years had a six-month affair.
My wife of 12 years had a six month affair with her coworker.
After I found out about six months ago.
now, I told her she can't work there anymore and we both needed therapy.
She told me she doesn't want to leave me, but absolutely refuses to quit.
Or go to therapy, I'm going to individual counseling.
And she says, she thinks lesser of me because of it.
She claims she's not cheating anymore, but it's still traveling with the guy for work days.
At a time, she told me he goes home every night, which is like a 4 hour drive for him because his wife demands it.
But, my wife is staying in the hotel.
We have a toddler together.
And, I'm at my wit's end as to how much I want to try and one-handedly fix our relationship.
Should I just asked for a dissolution and be done already.
How has this worked out for others versus divorce?
Edit.
Thanks for the comments.
I was pretty sure I had made the same decision in my head as the rest of you.
But now, am wondering as my original question asked, if I should try to get a dissolution first instead of divorce right away.
I want to be an example for my kid and not be a vindictive ass to my wife.
I just want us both to agree to separate and be done
In general, you don't want to warn someone that you're about to take legal action against them.
If he warns her of a divorce via an attempt at a dissolution, don't be surprised if there's suddenly a record of domestic abuse or something.
By the time divorce papers are served, when all she needs to do.
Is making a phone call to get it on the record that you beat her or threatened her, you're on thin ice.
You won't have a conviction, but people put more weight and sheer accusations than they should.
Don't trust people to fight clean when there's a custody battle to be had.
If you go for a dissolution, she could start laying the groundwork and will probably file for divorce first to support the idea.
She's leaving a violent, abusive spouse.
She just went off and was intimate with a coworker and is now telling you to deal with it.
Now, she may not have verbalized that, but her actions are screaming it.
why your wife doesn't think you are to be respected as a husband.
She does not actually believe you will leave her.
She thinks so little of you that she believes you will believe her words.
Well, with her words, she promised to forsake all others on your wedding day.
Her words are useless and should hold no weight with you.
But her actions, those you should listen to.
She says she doesn't want to leave you.
Her actions are to go and be intimate with a coworker until caught
She says she doesn't want to leave you, her actions, or to refuse to do anything, to prove that she is willing to save her marriage.
She says she doesn't want to leave.
You.
Her actions are to poke fun at you for trying to get therapy for the emotional damage she caused you.
She claims she is not cheating on you.
Her actions are not to quit, but to continue traveling with her AP and staying in a hotel
then tells you that the AP has to drive four hours there and four hours back every day.
Does that math add up?
There are only 24 hours in a day.
Most workdays are 8 hours, but, there's also a lunch.
So, we are talking nine hours.
That is just the Workday.
If there is also the alleged home back and forth of 4 hours, that is eight more
hours, but undoubtedly, he will need to eat as one meal throughout the day is unlikely.
So, we will be generous and give him fast food, 30 minutes.
So, now he has used up 17 and a half hours of his 24 hour day.
That leaves six and a half hours to shower, sleep, eat, and get ready for work the next day.
So, are you going to believe that this guy who is being intimate with your wife is only going
to get four to five hours of sleep a night, then risk falling asleep behind the wheel.
It just doesn't add up.
Now.
I do believe he may be only getting four to five hours of sleep, but so is your wife.
She cheated on you and has done nothing to make things right.
Where you are asking for is fair.
Regardless.
If she is still cheating, she does not value the relationship enough to agree to your very reasonable suggestions.
I would make plans to leave her.
If you want more clarity, can you contact the affair partner's wife to verify the story that might give you information
that would make your choice more clear or hire a detective
A six-month affair?
Homie, your marriage was over the second time she slept with him.
Not the first time, people have moments of weakness and make mistakes.
A one time non-premeditated mess up is something that a couple can maybe work through, six months though.
She lied to you over and over and over again for six months, premeditated as hell.
She repeatedly disrespected you and your vows and your marriage.
That is a marriage breaker.
Every single time.
And now, she has to damn gall to think lesser of you and criticize you for going to therapy.
Jesus, man, this woman is unreal.
Real.
Get out.
It can go either way my friend, many women see those papers and snap out of that affair fog, and then want to save the marriage.
Some go crazy and attempt suicide, or get heavily into drugs.
Some would not even care and ask for nothing.
Did some time as an assistant for a law firm during college.
And it went one of those three ways, the ones that tried to fix things, it was a 50 50 chance, but, it wasn't the same for the betrayed one
though, the betrayer seems like their minds were broken or something, no remorse for the pain they caused, but let your children know the truth.
If they don't know the truth, the betrayer always lies to the children to use them against the one they betrayed, saw it all the time.
And that came from both men and women.
So, it wasn't just the women.
It was truly more men that acted that way.
But, sometimes women do too.
Not sure what you want to hear.
She doesn't respect you.
She told you to your face for getting help.
You told her she had to quit and go no contact.
She told you she wasn't going to, and still commutes with him.
And with him 12 hours a day, you need to get mad and put her on the street.
You have to get revenge or work toward this.
Let her know you're in control.
And if she wants her family, she'll have to start treating you with respect.
But, you do realize the only man she respects is her AP. Stand strong and do what is needed.
Not what is easiest.
Quote unquote, my wife of 12 years had a six-month affair with her coworker after I found out about six months ago.
now, I told her she can't work there anymore.
Or what, whatever implied threat you had there, she called your bluff.
And you did nothing.
Quote, unquote, should I just ask for a dissolution and be done already?
How has this worked out for others versus divorce?
If a relationship has to have any chance, the cheater basically has to
be willing to fall on their sword and do whatever it takes to move forward.
Sometimes it tastes them realizing they are going to lose everything to clear out that fog and realize what's important.
She no longer believes you will take any action.
So, more noise from you is not going to change things.
If you are willing to follow through, start to divorce, this may cause some panic and clear the fog, but your stance has to be that
you are leaving, not leaving unless she moves heaven and earth, you don't leave openings.
If it can be saved, it's all going to have to be done by her without any more direction from you.
Don't start this unless you're willing to follow through with the divorce.
Come on, man.
She doesn't give a rat's ass about you or your marriage.
She just wants to have her cake and eat it too.
It's only a matter of time before she cheats.
Again, this has cost her nothing.
You're the one who did and does all of the hurting, get out now, run and keep on running.
This concludes this Reddit Relationships video.