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IYANLA: Mr. Terrell, how are you doing?
Good.
IYANLA: You shouldn't be doing good.
You should to be a hot mess.
So what have you realized, become
aware of, understood, as a result of your time here today?
Oh, I think all of this.
I didn't really take the time to like understand each meaning.
So I had time to kind of like dig inside
and see how that all fits in.
So tell me alone.
Tell me about that.
Alone.
I felt like around that time, 21 to 28, I felt alone.
Why?
And by myself.
I didn't know myself, I don't think.
IYANLA: Yeah.
Lots of work to do to bring your pieces together.
Because you've got to know what are you standing on,
what are you standing with, what are you standing for.
Unless you're solid in here about that,
you're going to be confused about having two mothers.
Do you have any idea what you need to get that done?
I don't.
You need to understand how it is that your mother
got pregnant by somebody at 12.
That's a piece that needs to be in place
that makes up your birth story.
Yeah.
Mr. Terrell, you got to save yourself here.
You are in pieces.
Because you have omitted certain information,
and you haven't asked certain questions,
and you don't have certain perspective.
You need to understand that she's not going to go away.
She's your mother, and you want to be in relationship with her.
You don't even know if you love her yet.
You want to, but she needs to be clear about that.
Yeah.
Because that's a huge piece for you, to save yourself
and to pull yourself together and put your pieces together,
there's some stuff you've got to know, some stuff
you got to know, you know?
And if you can't clean up the story
and the pieces and the parts, this pattern
is going to repeat itself.
Are you clear about that? - Yeah.
Yeah.
And the pattern is one of a predatory behavior
in abandonment and confusion and rejection.
And this is your story.
Ask for what you need.
Ask what you need to know, and tell the truth.
OK.
I want you to prepare to have a conversation tomorrow
with both sets of your parents, your mother and your mom
and dad.
OK.
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IYANLA: Ms. Angela, oh, you looking right cultural today.
How are you doing?
I'm doing great.
- How was your night? - Wonderful.
- Really? - Yes.
And the awareness is understandings,
remembrances, memories.
Yes.
Yeah, let's talk about that.
Because I put your timeline up, so we could
line you up with Mr. Terrell.
So where you at zero to seven, were going to school
and playing with your sister and brothers.
Yes.
He was up there doing the same thing.
And that seven to 14, he was feeling afraid and abandoned.
You were playing with friends and started having children.
And then 14 to 21 when he felt confused and dirty and ashamed,
you were running away from home, and still having children.
Yeah.
At the time, I was afraid to shame, you know.
Ashamed?
Because you are the hard drive.
Even though he wasn't in your life,
your program was still running in his life,
the emotional program, the mental program.
Yes.
When I look at the pieces of Terrell's life,
I have to understand the pieces of your life.
This is an opportunity for the whole family to come together.
Yes.
And I think there's some pieces
that your daughters have that Terrell needs,
and that you need.
Yes.
So I shared with you yesterday that they're
three challenging conversations I think
you're going to have to have.
I want you you, Terrell, Alex, and Alicia.
Yes.
The don't know your story.
No.
But it's important for them to know and understand,
so that the pieces of your life, and the pieces of their life
can come together.
What do you think you need?
How can I support you?
Just give me a little more wisdom and understanding.
I pray to the higher powers, so I know that's in my life.
but I just need a little understanding,
a different side.
When we go into this conversation
with your children, it might be a little difficult for you
to hear certain things.
So what I will do along the way, is give you
the skills and the tools that will help you be able to hear
and then help you respond.
- OK. - Yeah?
Yes.
This is not personal.
You know why?
Because so many of us have never been given clear
skills and tools for communication.
Right.
Our families are falling apart, because we
don't know how to communicate.
My intention is to support you in bringing your family back
together to honor everybody's experience,
everybody's experience.
Yeah, mother to mother, grandma to grandma, woman to woman.
OK.
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