Lizzie: So the thing about my mother is that she loves a good panic. Seriously. I have never
seen her happier than when she thought radiation was going to cross the Pacific from
Japan and kill us all. Then there's my dad, who's really calm, smart, and supportive of us.
He likes to spend his days reading by his bonsai collection.
How these two ever got together in the first place, I will never know.
My name is Lizzie Bennet and these are my parents.
"My Parents: Opposingly Supportive" Written by Margaret Dunlap
What's keeping Mom "happy" at the moment is that she's decided we can't go over to meet
Bing Lee like normal people. No. For some reason, Dad has to go over and introduce the
rest of us. And he hasn't done it yet. This has been going on all week:
Lizzie: And if you do not go visit Bing Lee tomorrow, we may as well resign
ourselves to not meeting him until Emily Lu invites us to her daughter's wedding.
Charlotte: Charlotte Lu is getting married? Why would Bing Lee be at her wedding?
Lizzie: Because he's the groom!
So that's been fun. Oh! And Charlotte, apparently you're going to marry Bing Lee. Congratulations.
Charlotte: You know, we still don't know what he looks like. Lizzie: Exactly!
But fortunately for this odd couple marriage, there is nothing Dad enjoys more than winding mom up. I made a chart!
Lydia: NERD! Lizzie: Get out!
So then of course when dad actually introduces himself to Bing Lee, he doesn't, you know, tell Mom.
Because that would be the normal thing to do.
No. He waits until mom is so frustrated over him not meeting Bing Lee that she yells that she's sick of
the whole thing and would be happy never to hear the name Bing Lee again. And that's when Dad says:
Charlotte: Oh, that's too bad.
I met him while he was getting his membership at the club.
and he'll be at Ellen Gibson's wedding. Apparently, he's a friend of the groom.
I told him all about our girls. There's no way to avoid meeting him now.
Lizzie: And now she's back on the Bing Lee: Future Son-in-Law train. Choo choo!
Thanks, Dad. I do not believe he went over there and talked about us. I can just imagine that conversation...
Charlotte: Hello. I'm your new neighbor. Lizzie: Hello. I'm a rich, successful medical student.
Charlotte: I'm well aware of that.
In fact, my wife has sent me to meet you so that you can eventually marry one of our daughters.
Lizzie: Are they hot? Charlotte: Attractive. Accomplished. Even smart.
My Lizzie is getting an advanced degree in Mass Communications, which dooms her to a
life of unemployment, so she could use a rich husband like you.
Lizzie: What if I'm looking for something more in a trophy wife?
Charlotte: Well, her sister Jane is quite the fashionable beauty and would be stunning on your arm.
And word around campus is that my youngest, Lydia, is a bit of a slut.
Lydia: I heard that!
Lizzie: My sister Lydia is not a slut. Happy? Lydia: Yes.
Lizzie: So next weekend, our family friends the Gibsons are marrying off one of their daughters.
Which serves as another in-your-face reminder to my mom about how pathetically single her daughters are.
But there's hope! Because Bing Lee is a friend of the groom. So now, apparently, he's coming. Cannot wait.
So tune in next time for...
Operation: Matchmaker Wedding!
Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire Med Student?
Survivor: My Parents.
Yeah. Yeah I really gotta figure out how to end these things.
But for now, there's...