*Achievement Hunter and Rage Quit intro*
We gonna do men or women?
We gonna do dicks?
We got dicks and balls
and we got titties and va jay jay's.
We're going dicks.
All right, Pecker, we're gonna toughen you up.
We're gonna give you a whole new look.
We're gonna give you a new head,
give you new hair, you're gonna be FUCKING badass!
We have a height of 205 cm and a weight of 50 kg.
Roughly translated, I believe that's somewhere around 7'12
and 74 pounds.
You wanna make sure that you can WRAP your hand completely around your tennis player's ankle.
If you cannot, they're too fat.
Looking fucking fresh to death.
Give him a sweet pink rod.
Not exactly sure how the customs work in tennis,
but if it's anything like earrings I'm gonna-
this guy definitely is gonna wanna wear a wrist band on his RIGHT HAND ONLY...
fellas.
Something's tellin' me this guy has way more than four different forms of service, if you know what I mean.
SEXUAL FAVORS!
Return posture, other wise known as "The Art of the Dump".
We'll call this one, "The Loosey Goosey".
Shit just falls on out.
This would be "The Nerd Fiddling His Willy While Waiting For the Urinal".
You can see he's got some sweet double-handed techniques going on there between his legs.
That's professional shit.
We just call this one "The Invitation".
There's nothing else you need to know.
I like this posture! I think this the one we're going with!
This is "The Dump On the Go".
You gotta drop a turd and keep on moving, just fucking shit and run baby! Shit and run!
This is not a stroke form.
I will show you stroke form.
*orgy voice* Oh, I'm jerking off the corner.
Oh, I'm jerking off.
Oh, you like that internet?
Oh, I'm jerking off the corner.
*normal voice* I think Pecker said, "We're ready to go."
Oh yay, fucking sweet I got an achievement!
Now this game is on my gamer card forever. Wow, just kill me right now. Awesome.
What is this shit?
I picked "World Tour", just let me hit the fucking ball with the racket!
I just wanna whack the ball!
Why-why is there an "Alien Attack" in fucking Virtua Tennis 3?
Who the-who the fuck does that?!
Who the fuck says, "You know what I wanna do today?
I wanna go out and fucking kill some aliens!
I'm gonna DEFEND the EARTH from INVADERS!
I'm gonna buy Virtua Tennis 3."
Bowling?!
This the bowling sim now?!
Goddamn it!
I don't know where the game is. I guess it's at the Tennis Academy.
That seems like the most likely place to hit a goddamn tennis ball, but I don't know, let's fucking find out.
I just wanna fucking-
I wanna fight a guy.
So, terrible accident, turns out Pecker's dead.
Here we are at "Exhibition", and we're just gonna fucking pick a real tennis player and go.
NEVER MIND, here's Pecker hiding in the old custom character slot!
Get in here, Pecker!
Pecker versus Andy Roddick, that's a LITTLE lop sided,
but Andy Roddick's just gonna have to deal with the disadvantage.
Dude, does it fucking matter? Really?
Is any of this gonna change anything?
Yeah, let's play in Germany. Why the fuck not?
We'll play foosball with Stalin again.
I don't even know how to set how many ga-
how does tennis work?!
What is a match?
What is a game?
Does the game win the match?
Is there a front?
What's the front-
Is this like the front nine or on the back nine now?
HOW MANY NINE'S ARE THERE?!
Oh, I have beaten height and weight!
See Andy Roddick?
TERRIBLE condition to be playing tennis.
Height? 187 cm?
That's actually like 4'3.
The guy's WAY TOO SMALL.
He won't even be able to hit the ball!
It's gonna go right over his fucking head, stupid jerk!
Come on, Pecker, stretch them calf muscles.
Gotta work that shit out before we beat the shit out of Andy Roddick!
All right, I'm gonna hit the ball.
Look at that! Fucking beautiful!
Fuck.
15?!
He only scored one time!
Loo-
Oh my God, he can...
well, what the fuck?
*German language*
What?
Fuck you.
Did he win the whole set already?!
NO, ANDY!!!
I wasn't ready yet!
*Constipation noise*
Oh, you suck, dude!
Oh fuck, he scored? Nevermind.
Come on, baby.
Oh, that was bullshit! I had something in my eye!
There was dust in my eye!
Pretty sure MOST tennis matches last about a minute and forty-three seconds,
but we'll run it again just in case that was a little over regulation.
We'll try to keep this one shorter.
Time to bring the ruckus, no more fucking around Roddick.
You-you fucking-
You ro-you rod.
You stupid lightning rod.
That was pure power.
That was pure power. (2x)
Fucking GODDAMN IT!
COME ON, PECKER!!!
SPIKE IT!
SPIKE IT! (2x)
There we go!
There we go! (2x)
And you fucking hit it out of bounds.
YOU FUCKING STUPID RED BANDANNA WEARING SHIT!!
Oh my God!
WHAT ARE YOU HITTING OVER THERE?!
YOU'RE HITTING THE CAMERA GUY!!
You fucking piece of shit!
I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR WIFE!!
Goddamn it!
GODDAMN IT!! (2x)
Great, I got an achievement.
"Get your fucking ass kicked by Andy Roddick."
But that's fine,
BECAUSE I'M GONNA GO FUCK HIS WIFE!
*Achievement Hunter outro*