- What up, my fellow rats.
So today we found a Chuck E. Cheese instructional video,
and this is a video that I had to watch
when I got a job at Chuck E. Cheese.
- Actually?
- Yeah, actually. Yeah. I was the rat.
It's a big piece of crap. (group laughs)
So we thought it'd be a good idea to punch up the video,
to make it better, to make it funnier.
We've got Jackie, Noah, Olivia, myself, Courtney,
and our head writer, Monica.
So we sat through this 40 minute long instructional video
so you didn't have to.
- Welcome to the Writer's Room!
- Hey everybody. How you doing?
- [Everyone] Hi!
- Well I'd like to welcome you
to your first official day as a Chuck E. Cheese's
star cast member.
- What's like a funnier, like a more unsettling animal
for him to be?
- Oh my gosh.
Possum.
- Armadillo.
- Oh, that's uncomfortable.
- An anthropomorphic sponge.
- Like SpongeBob?
- Oh, shoot. (group laughs)
- Tee hee hee hee.
- You might be asking what if a guest isn't happy?
On those rare occasions
where you may encounter a guest complaint
all you have to do is remember, SLAM.
Smile, listen, apologize, and get your manager.
Your manager is trained to handle the rest.
- What else could SLAM stand for
when dealing with an unhappy customer?
- I thought slam might get a little physical.
So, so I thought it might be steps of how you
approach a customer who's talking back to you.
You know, you shush them, you laugh at them,
you assault them and then you make up an alibi.
- Yeah! (group laughs)
- Okay.
- I didn't do it. I didn't do it.
- Yeah, wasn't me.
- I didn't do it, sir. - I was in the suit.
(group laughs)
- What about you, Cour?
- I had simp, lie, abolish the police, Mandy Moore.
- Wow! (group laughs)
- So if I'm like, ma'am this is the wrong pizza.
I didn't order this.
- I'm like, oh, I love you so much.
You look so beautiful today.
Somebody made that mistake and that's the why.
- Okay well can I get my new pizza?
- Sorry I got to abolish the police real quick.
(group laughs)
- Okay. - But here's Mandy Moore.
(group laughs)
- I like that.
- I love you. And this is us.
- Ready?
- Yeah. Let's go.
- Okay. Psychic.
(Noah sputters)
- Wait, are you spelling psychic with-
- That's not. (woman laughs in background)
- No, no, no, go on.
I want to see where this goes.
- [Olivia] Psychic, laugh,
arf
(group laughs)
mop.
- Good, always clean up that mess.
- Yeah. Just like reading into the future and stuff.
And then laugh, obviously sometimes
like you don't believe in psychic things. You laugh.
(group laughs)
And then arf obviously is arf, arf, arf, arf.
- That makes sense.
- Yeah, no. That was the clearest one for sure.
- Yeah. And no, well, mop is actually.
- Not at Chuck E. Cheese.
- Mop makes a lot of sense.
She's got to clean up her mess.
- Yeah, mopping is just like mopping stuff.
- I didn't understand before, but now, but now I get.
- I had slap, lie, antagonize, murder.
(group laughs)
- Just get rid of the problem.
- That's good. - That's very aggro.
- Yeah. That's nice.
- For some reason I changed the M to a P.
(group laughs)
- Silence. Look away.
(group laughs)
- Answer expertly and then prance.
- Prance.
- Can I, can I just say something?
- Yeah.
- You can always replace prance with psychic.
(group laughs)
- That's true. That's true.
- You guys didn't think I knew how to spell psychic.
Well you're wrong. (group laughs)
- There are three key areas that are critically important
to our guest experience.
Pay attention because everyone is responsible for them
no matter where you work in these four walls.
- So the guy on the right looks fairly uncomfortable.
- Oh yeah.
- It'd be funny if we could hear his inner monologue
so what do you think he's thinking about
that's making him so uncomfortable?
- Can we play it without sound?
I just want to just give him a nice little voiceover.
Oh, oh god. I left the casserole on the oven again.
Oh no, (beep). Mary is gonna (beep) kill me for this.
Oh god damn it. I have to take a (beep) right now.
- So who else wants to give a shot at this inner monologue?
- I'll try it.
- Yeah.
- Please don't look at my Fruit of the Loom shirt.
Please don't look at it.
(group laughs)
- I swear I put on a blazer this morning.
Please don't, oh god. I should have worn a tie.
Should have worn a tie. (group laughs)
I love Michael Jordan.
That commercial really hit the spot.
Please don't look at my Fruit of the Loom shirt.
- Oh man. - That was really funny.
- That is, this time frame. - Yeah.
- When they forget to send that,
"What are we wearing?" text.
- Yeah. - Oh.
- Do you think he rolled up with the T-shirt and no blazer
and they're like, you got to wear a blazer, man.
- Yeah. What if the guy with the tie
had to give him his blazer 'cause he looked way too casual
and he's like, dang it dude, take this blazer.
- He didn't learn his lines
and now he's just freaked out about-
- Yeah. Just so unprepared.
- Oh no. Pants. Button is supposed to go on front.
(group laughs)
Oh no. Oh, it's on back. Oh oh.
- It's on back.
- Is he realizing 'cause the zipper's down
and he felt the draft in his butthole?
- And he feels the cold up his snap.
- Or he tried to reach into his pockets
and then he was like, oh.
- Oh no.
- [Narrator] It takes everyone working together as a team
to ensure that every guest has a magical experience.
- So what's something funny that they could be saying
to amp themselves up.
- I just think it'd be funny if they were all at the end,
yelling their own names.
(group laughs)
- Jeremy! - Monica!
(group laughs)
- That's awesome.
- For some reason, this like reminded me of like
Stomp the Yard and- (group laughs)
- Are you the Hamburglar?
- No!
- Are you Grimace?
- No!
- Are you Ronald Mc (beep) Donald?
- (beep) no!
- Who are we?
- Chuck E. Cheese!
- I said, who are we?
- Chuck E. Cheese!
- I love it! I love it.
- I just thought they'd be like, (beep) them kids.
- (beep) them kids!
(group laughs)
- [Narrator] Hostile work environment.
Some examples include music with offensive lyrics,
bringing or displaying materials having offensive content
or telling jokes, which include any racial,
ethnic, disability-related, discriminatory
or sexual content.
- So what are some funny examples
of a hostile work environment?
- Eating a hot dog like a hamburger?
- Oh.
- Like, just like that one coworker that's just like.
- [Courtney] Oh my god, yeah.
- Bringing your dad into the restaurant
to make fun of everyone's teeth.
- Oi, you've got some funny looking teeth over there.
Mouse mouth, mouse mouth, mouse mouth. Braces.
Oh hey, Harry Potter.
- Oh wow. Do you know what's super hostile
in a work environment?
- What are you drinking?
It's like 9 AM and you're like drinking some like pee soda.
- It's Celsius. - Whoa.
- That's a hostile environment.
- Ah! (group laughs)
- Noah was like, what do you mean?
- I felt, I was like, do I need to come with a punchline?
- If they just cut to a clip of like Olivia
judging everyone.
- Being seven years old doesn't make it okay
to wear Jesus sandals.
Yikes, I can already tell. You're not going to age well.
(baby screaming in the background)
Really? You're going to eat that many slices of pizza.
Trust me, little girl.
Your metabolism is just going to go down.
- I think replacing the inner calm with YouTube commenters.
- So do they have to fix the suit?
- [Commenter 1] I miss the old Chuck E. Cheese.
He was way funnier.
- Yeah, essentially we can't call the fire department-
- [Commenter] Sexy boobs on my channel. Sexy hot milk.
- Oh my god. - [Commenter] LOL!
- [Narrator] Alcohol reduces inhibitions.
The guests may be loud or overly friendly
and annoy others around them.
The second stage alcohol impairs judgment.
They may become argumentative or use foul language,
especially if you stop serving them.
- So those are some signs of a guest being intoxicated.
- Wait! They sell alcohol at Chuck E. Cheese.
- Yes. - Oh they do.
- So the rule is one alcohol per parent.
- It's just beer. There's nothing else.
- That's not fun at all.
- Yeah, but are you trying to like get lit
at Chuck E. Cheese while your kids are in the-
- Yes! - Absolutely!
- (beep) yeah.
- That's what I'd always tell the parents when they come in
I'd tell them to pre-game before they enter the building.
- Do you really? - Jesus.
- Yeah.
- Currently, he stands outside Chuck E. Cheese.
- Hey! Whoa! Wait before you go in there.
Let's get lit. (upbeat music)
- What are like some funnier signs
of guests being intoxicated?
- Listening to Pitbull. (group laughs)
- Trying to fit those balls in the ball pen-
- In their mouths? - In their mouths.
(group laughs)
- I think I can do it.
(Courtney laughs)
- No! Noah, you're intoxicated.
- Yeah. Go home.
- Can I get a sample?
- I think a, a signs are probably if a guest starts
to raise their voice and clap in between every word.
You should probably stop serving them, right?
- I guess I'm drunk.
(group laughs)
All the time.
(group laughs)
- What did you get for signs of intoxication?
- They're throwing their child into a nonexistent ball pit.
Ball pit! (baby cries)
Bye bye.
- Oh! (group laughs)
- It's just the salad bar. - Come in, honey.
- The salad bar.
- If they started saying Suicide Squad was a good movie.
- Oh my god.
- They have Tom and Jerry style hiccups.
(group laughs)
Or when the white person can actually dance good.
- Yeah, 'cause it's not on purpose.
- M-hmm.
- If they go from this-
(electronic music)
To like this.
(high energy electronic music)
That's when you know. Be like, oh, got to go home.
Get out, you're drunk.
- [Narrator] There is also a sky tube evacuation plan
located in the break area to educate you
on the proper procedure of removing guests
from the tubes during an emergency.
- Well, I mean, would be funny
if he went into specific procedures on how to
remove the guests. - M-hmm.
- I was thinking like, you know, when you,
you're trying to, okay. (group laughs)
- Yeah!
- Yeah, I do know.
- Well we all know. We all know. Right?
Yeah, we all know.
- You know those like pens, those pencils
when you lose one little end
but you gotta like push them up.
I keep doing it.
- Oh yeah. You take it from the one
and then you put them in back.
- Yeah. - Oh.
- [Jackie] So you put like three more kids in there
to push one kid out. - Got it.
- You could probably get an industrial fan.
Place it at the entrance.
And then have someone wait at the slide
and then catch them as they like slingshot out.
- Yeah! - You know what I mean?
- I love that.
- I just imagine like these rats
dressed up as police officers. - With little bats?
- Yeah and they can just come
and they just tell people to leave.
- Ian, what do you think?
- I wrote, The Shining Blood. - Oh!
- So, like an elevator of blood enters one end
and flushes all the kids out. - M-hmm.
- Poke with long stick. - Yeah!
- Just the long stick that- - Is it a bendy stick though?
- It's like a toilet brush you go-
(group laughs)
- Or you can say JoJo Siwa's outside.
(group laughs) - Yeah.
- Yeah. She's outside 'cause she's too old
or tall to be let in.
- I bet if Chuck E. Cheese's spent
like a couple million dollars and used her
as like the spokesperson they would revitalize-
- If JoJo Siwa had a play place chain.
- Oh. - Yeah.
- That would do so well. - Yeah.
- What would the name of that place be?
- JoJo Si's...
- Hey everyone! It's JoJo Siwa.
And you should come on down to JoJo Si's.
- It'd be Club JoJo and you know it.
- Oh, for sure.
- I mean, come on down to Club JoJo.
- JoJo Giggly's.
- Ugh fine. Come on down to JoJo Giggly's
where you can climb in our tubes no matter how tall you are
'cause they're big!
(group laughs)
- I hate that.
- And she could even perform.
- Oh my god, animatronic JoJo Siwa.
- Oh my god.
- Not a fan of crawling? Me neither.
You can watch robot me sing all my famous songs.
Rainbow shoelaces in my shoes. (robotic sound)
- Oh my god and the, and the actual like JoJo Siwa,
it looks like her house.
- This place is modeled exactly like my house
down to the basement full of candy!
My bed is a ball pit and you'll never get lost
'cause all my walls are dance mirrors!
You can eat pizza in a booth modeled after my car
with my face on it.
- And then the adult version would be called Siwa's.
- Oh yeah. - Siwa's cafe.
- That's the club on the top for the parents.
And they give two beers.
- And for all you adults out there, above JoJo Giggly's
is our adult club, Siwa's where we'll serve you two drinks.
- Dude, we have a whole plan for you, JoJo. Call us.
- Yeah. - JoJo call us.
- Or text.
- Now, do you remember the two rules here
at Chuck E. Cheese's?
(upbeat music)
That's right.
(group laughs)
- He didn't answer the question.
- Did they expect you to answer the two rules in that time?
- Yeah, guys, what are the two rules of working
at Chuck E. Cheese's?
- Don't date the parents and wear a condom.
- Oh!
- Don't tell anyone you work here
and no, you're not getting a raise.
(group laughs)
- Okay. The two rules of working at Chuck E. Cheese's
is psychic, obviously. (Noah sputters)
So you can be able to predict what is going to happen.
And the second one is you have to be able
to fit a ball in your mouth. - Oh!.
- Don't talk about Fight Club
and kill Peter and become Peter.
- I have don't eat the pizza and be Disney.
- Ah, I've got kiss Chuck E. and don't tell.
(group laughs) - Yeah!
- Well, we just made the Chuck E. Cheese
instructional video better.
What did you guys think about that?
I wish I had that instructional video
when I was working there.
- If you got other punch ups or other ideas
for these prompts that we had today,
please put them in the comments.
I can't wait to read them and laugh.
If you have other instructional videos
or other weird videos that you want us to punch up
and make funnier, let us know.
- Also there's a, we've got a video right there.
If you want to check that one out.
Also, if you want some sweet Smosh merchs like this bad boy-
- Yeah!
- You can check it out right down there.
Go to smosh.com. - Good stuff.
- Or you could subscribe. Are you subscribed?
- Subscribed. When you're here, you're rat.
- Yes. - Rat.