-[ Russian accent ] I am the hottest girl in my village.
My milkshake brings all the boys to the haunted mine.
-No, it's not haunted mine. It's "to the yard."
-No, maybe in America, Seth. -Okay.
The meteor that exploded over Russia Friday
caused damage to over 3,000 buildings.
Here to comment is a woman
who lives in the remote Ural Mountain region
near where this happened, Olya Povlatsky.
-Hello. Hello.
Hello, Seth Meyers. Thank you for having me.
-Well, thank you for being here. So pretty close call, huh?
-Yes, Seth. Oh, it was so close.
So close, I could taste it.
I saw it coming, and I said, "Meteor, come to Olya.
Take me away from this barren wasteland.
-Wait, I'm sorry.
So you wanted the meteor to hit you?
-Seth, in my village, there is an old legend we tell children
about little girl who worked hard without complaint.
To reward the girl for her labor,
God struck her with a meteor and turned her to dust.
Then a goat ate the dust.
And it was there in the goat's belly
that the girl was finally warm.
-You tell that story to children?
Doesn't it make them sad?
-They're already sad, Seth.
Do you know how hard is life in my village?
My resting everyday face is this.
[ Sobbing ]
Every day, we all wait in line for five hours.
-For what? -For recreation, Seth.
-That sounds awful. -It is, Seth.
And worst of all, I share one bedroom
with my 10 sisters and great-great-grandmother.
-Wait. How old are you?
-I'm 18. -You're only 18?
-Yes, Seth.
I am the hottest girl in my village.
My milkshake brings all the boys to the haunted mine.
-No, it's not haunted mine. It's "to the yard."
-Maybe in America, Seth. -Okay.
Either way, that is a very old song.
-No, that song is brand-new in my village, Seth.
We just got "Who Let the Dogs Out."
It's everywhere.
And it's very confusing because there are actually dogs
running all over my village.
And, Seth, we want to know, who let them out?
Who, Seth?
Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?
-That song has a totally new meaning now, yeah.
-One time, Seth, a dog bite me. -Oh, no.
-I think, "Oh, thank God.
Now I will die of rabies."
But instead that dog died.
I was poison to this dog, Seth.
-Olya, back to the meteor.
Apparently, it shattered glass windows
in a lot of other buildings.
Did it shatter the glass in your windows?
-Glass?
What do you think I am, a queen, Seth Meyers?
I have no glass in my window.
If I'm lucky, I have gust of cold air in my window.
-And if you're not lucky?
-Wolf's head, Seth.
Only in my dream house has glass in the window.
Let me tell you about my dream house, Seth.
-Okay, share.
-Bear with me. -I am.
-No, in my dream house, I have a bear with me.
Worst case, Seth, he serves as blanket.
Best case, he eat me.
-Olya Povlatsky, everyone.
-I'm the hottest one.
I am the hottest one.
-The Sochi Olympics in Russia
have come under fire for a number of issues,
from overspending to security threats.
Here to comment is a woman who lives
in a small village in Russia, Olya Povlatsky.
-Hello, Seth Meyers. Hello.
Thank you for having me.
-So, Olya, tell us, are you surprised
the Olympics are coming to Russia?
-I'm surprised anyone come to Russia.
I spent my whole life praying,
"Take me away from this horrible place."
You go to travel agent and say, "One ticket to Russia,"
they should slap you in the face.
-But the Olympics are in Sochi, which, as I understood,
is sort of a resort town, right?
-A last resort, Seth.
I have been to Sochi one time.
It wants to throw myself into the sea,
but I could not do it because the line was too long.
-Oh, wow. Wow.
-I mean, how did the Olympics pick Russia?
What was the other options, Haiti or middle of ocean?
-Okay.
Come on, Olya, Russia can't be that bad.
-Are you kidding, Seth?
Seth, this is how I wake up every single morning.
Watch this. Watch.
[ Sobbing ]
-Yeah. That is bad. Yeah.
You know, President Putin has been criticized
for his anti-gay policies.
Are these the views of most Russian people?
-Oh, not me, Seth. I wish I was gay.
I would have more option.
Last man I dated was a real dog.
-Oh, unattractive guy?
-No, no. He was actual dog, Seth.
But he was way out of my league.
He was top lawyer in my village.
-Okay.
So getting back to the Olympics,
aren't you at least a little excited?
-Yes, I am, Seth.
My sister and I were athlete as children.
Our favorite sport was running away from angry wolf.
I won the gold.
She won the silver. God rest her soul.
-I'm really sorry to hear that.
-Oh, don't. No, it's okay.
In my village, belly of wolf is prime real estate.
But it cost an arm and a leg.
Literally.
You get that, Seth? That is Russian joke.
-Yeah.
-[ Grunting ]
-I'm sorry. What are you doing?
-I'm laughing, Seth.
[ Grunting ]
I love to laugh and have fun.
In my village, I'm kind of party girl.
♪ They tried to make me go to rehab ♪
♪ And I said, "Is it warm?" ♪
-That's not how that song goes.
-In my village, yeah. Yeah, it is.
-Hey, what village are you from?
-Oh, it's called Kreznovishorschigaultgoz.
That translate to "desolation of Smaug."
-Now, Olya, Sochi has a warmer climate than most of Russia.
So a lot of the Olympic budget has gone toward buying snow.
-Buying snow?
What the hell?
All I own is snow.
If you can sell snow,
I am now the richest person in my village.
So in your face, dog lawyer.
Looks like I'm the one who got away.
-Are you dating anyone now, Olya?
-Oh, Seth Meyers.
You must be hungry, because you are fishing.
-No, no, no, no.
That is not what I meant. That is not what I meant.
-Well, you are in luck, Seth Meyers,
because I am single, and I just joined Timber.
Oh, you mean the dating app Tinder.
-No, no, Timber.
That's when woman climb to top of tallest tree in the village,
and any interested man comes and cuts it down.
The woman falls, and if the man catches her, they get married.
-And if he doesn't catch her? -Then she dies.
And she is finally free!
-Olya Povlatsky, everyone!
-This week, Ukraine launched its first major attack
against Russian forces that have occupied the country's east.
Here to comment is a woman who lives
in a small village in Russia Olya Povlatsky.
Why are you crying? -Hello, Cecil.
Thank you for having me. -Oh, Olya.
So, are you worried that all this fighting
will make it to your village in Russia?
-No, I wish it would come!
Come and get me, Ukraine!
Free me from my earthly prison!
-Olya, come on. Russia can't be that bad.
-Oh, really, Cecil?
You know, my 1-year-old niece just said her first word.
You know what it was?
"Noooooo!"
-That's rough.
I'm with you. That's rough.
Okay, so what do you think about Putin
trying to seize Ukraine in the first place?
-That's dumb.
It's like, "Oh, great job, Putin.
Make Russia even bigger
because Russia's not big enough already."
-Okay. Okay. Sure.
-Putin, I have three words for you -- cut it out.
-Wait. Is that from "Full House"?
-Yes, we just get this show in Russia.
I love this show.
It's about the luckiest family in the world.
Only nine people in one house.
If someone was like, "Hey, come live in this house!
There's only nine of us," I would say, "You got it, dude."
-Wow. And that's a very current reference, Olya.
-Oh, and that Dave Coulier.
Oh, what a hunk!
Hubba hubba!
-You like him?
-If I ever saw him in person,
I would give him my sexiest, flirtiest smile.
Ohh!
-Oh, no.
That's -- That's not a smile.
-Thank you, Cecil. You know, I like you.
You should come to Russia with me and we can go clubbing.
-Oh, okay. Sure. We can have a girls' night.
-♪ Ladies, leave your man at home ♪
♪ The club is full of wolves and it's very dangerous ♪
-Oh, wow.
Russia does not sound great.
-I know, Cecil.
That's why I was looking forward to summer vacation.
-Okay, that's fun. Where are you going?
-I was going to go to East Ukraine, but now it's Russia.
So, you know, FMP. Am I right, Cecil?
-I think you mean "FML."
-No, I mean FMP -- feed me, please.
I'm starving.
What is FML?
-Oh, that's a thing that people in America say.
It means, like, "F" my life.
Like, people say it if they oversleep
or the miss the bus or something.
-Miss the bus, huh?
That make Americans say, "'F' my life"?
If that is "F" my life, then "F" my life times infinity!
People say this for real, Cecil? -Yeah.
-You're not pulling my leg? -Nope. No.
-Good, because it will pop right off.
-Okay, Olya.
Well, now, okay, now we've really gotten off track.
Okay, now, President Obama
has threatened further sanctions on Putin,
which could affect trade between U.S. and Russia.
-Who wants to trade with Russia?
Our only exports are homophobia and snow.
-But the sanctions could also limit imports,
which would affect your life.
-Oh, that is tough. That is tough.
I am between rock and hard place, you know?
-How so?
-Because that's where I live, Cecil.
I live between the rock and the hard place.
But still better than living next to Kimmy Gibbler.
Am I right? Eww!
-Wow. Don't have any new shows in Russia, huh?
-Yes, we do. No, I love "Game of Thrones."
-How do you watch that?
-I have a HBO GO password. I'm not animal.
Cecil, this season is so good.
Oh, but do you know who I hope dies?
-Who? -Me.
-Olya Povlatsky, everybody.