- Hey, this is Marisa.
I want to talk to you about something very important.
It's the secret to how to release hurt from your body.
You see, hurt from your past often manifests itself
physically and emotionally.
And the effects of that stored hurt
can stay with you for many, many years.
So, I want you to keep watching,
I'm going to show you
how you can release hurt from the body
so you can have a healthier, happier future.
The body holds onto and stores hurt from our past.
And you may think, "Well, that doesn't make sense,"
but here's my favorite expression in the whole world,
and here it is, I didn't make it,
it was from Henry Maudsley.
It says, "The feeling that cannot find its expression
"in tears may cause other organs to weep."
And I noticed very early in my practice as a therapist,
clients were coming and going,
"I've got a thumping migraine.
"I've got this angry red rash all over my body."
And they would use the words, "screaming,"
"thumping," "angry."
And I realized that they were expressing tremendous hurt.
Something had hurt them.
And, you see, I do something called "triple-A."
I understand that we must be aware of our feelings.
We must accept them.
We must, must, must articulate and speak them.
So imagine you're a little kid,
and every time you get angry,
your dad gets so angry
he shouts at you or smacks you or punishes you.
You learn something, "Oh, I'm not allowed to be angry.
"My dad can be angry, but I'm not allowed to be angry.
"I'm not allowed to be sad.
"I'm not allowed to cry."
We've heard parents say, "I'll wipe that smile off your face.
"I'll give you something to cry about in a minute."
And we learn as children, "I'm not allowed to feel anger,
"or sadness or unhappiness, and I'm going to keep it in."
But, you see, when you keep it in,
it doesn't have anywhere to go.
Anger actually is not bad.
You know, my cats get angry.
They hiss, they scratch, and then they're fine.
They get angry with me if I pick them up
or they get angry with each other,
but they express it and they're done.
Anger only is a problem when it's so suppressed,
so held in that it motivates you.
You know, people who are evolved express their hurt.
The most evolved people say things like,
"You know, you hurt me the other day
"when you didn't turn up to my birthday,
"when you didn't call,
"when you let me down. I still love you,
"but I was really hurt by your behavior."
What does that do? It means it's out.
I think feelings are like gas, they're in or they're out.
And they cause far more discomfort
when you keep them in, they hurt you.
When you let them out, it can be embarrassing,
but feelings are better out than in.
So let's take a minute and look at you.
What has hurt you?
What has made you angry?
What's caused you sadness or grief or pain?
And what have you done with those feelings?
Many clients will say something to me like,
"You know, I've never cried".
One of my clients said,
"I never cry, I was brought up an orphanage
"and they would say, 'There's no point in hitting her,
"she will never cry.'
"And yet, I have constant conjunctivitis.
"How weird is that?"
Well, it wasn't actually weird
because the body was doing a great job
of expressing a physical feeling she had.
And our body does that.
If we long for attention and don't have it,
we often find that we get a nervous twitch or a stutter
or something physical, because the body is manifesting
and making real our desire for attention.
So let's go back again and think about, what hurts you?
What pains you?
I love this expression,
"If you don't fix your wounds,
"you bleed on the people that never cut you."
So what are your wounds?
What are your hurts?
What are your pains?
Where are they?
People say, "You know,
"I've had this stomachache for 25 years.
"I've had migraines or backache."
And I sometimes say, "You know, you're telling me
"about a scene in your childhood where you were so hurt,
"so upset you weren't heard,
"you were punished.
"Where's the pain?" They go,
"What do you mean?"
I go, "Well, where is it?"
They go, "Is it in me?"
I go, "Well, it's not in me,
"so I guess it must be in you. Tell me where."
And then they go, "Oh, is that the stomachache
"I've had my entire life?
"Is that the headache?
"Is that the itch on my skin, this angry eczema?
"Is that this weeping sore?"
In fact, I did an amazing session with someone.
It was so mind blowing.
And he came in, and he had conjunctivitis,
sinusitis, constant going to the bathroom,
like bladder irritation.
And as he spoke, I thought, "This is so weird.
"It's like his body is crying."
And so, I said that to him,
"I feel like your body is weeping."
And he described an event, an amazing event
where he was put out of the house at age 10.
I said, "When did you go back?"
He went, "No, I never went back.
"I didn't get on with my mother, you see?"
And this is what clients do.
They normalize an event,
"Yes, well, I was put out on the streets,
"but I didn't get on with my mother.
"Yes, my dad touched me,
"but, you see, my mother wouldn't have sex with him.
'And yes, my dad hit me,
"but, you see, he was so stressed,
"he was under so much pressure,
"he couldn't make enough money."
And clients normalize something
that's not normal.
Being hit, being abused, being screamed at,
being put out on the street.
You wouldn't even do that to a dog.
And when this client understood
that all his symptoms were a form of weeping,
crying, mourning for the loss,
it was extraordinary, and it all stopped.
But he was expressing tremendous hurt and pain in his body.
And I want to ask you, what are you storing?
What are you holding onto?
Why are you holding onto it?
Often, it's because you just don't know what to do with it.
If people had told us, "Nobody wants to listen to you.
"Stop showing off. Nobody cares.
"Shut your mouth. We're not interested.
"Don't you cry. Don't you shout.
"Don't you make a fuss,"
we learn to keep it all in, to push it down.
And now the body has to deal with it.
The body has no choice.
It must deal with it.
And so, how does it happen? Well, we simply learn,
"I'm not allowed to be upset.
"I'm not allowed to be angry.
"My feelings don't matter.
"I'm not seen, I'm not heard, so I'll keep it in."
And we don't know as children what we know as adults.
The strongest force in your body is it must act
in a way that is matching your thinking,
that's consistent with how you are defining yourself.
So if you walk through the world with the belief,
"I don't matter.
"I'm not important.
"No one cares about me."
You know, I worked with a girl once who told me,
"This session isn't working, nothing's happening."
I said, "Well, tell me." She said, "Oh, I'm just remembering this scene
"but it's not a big deal." "Tell me."
"I'm lying in my crib and I'm crying
"and no one comes, and that happened to me all the time.
"My mother put me in my crib.
"She couldn't really cope. She never came."
"Okay."
"Second scene. I'm sitting
"with my back against my bedroom wall.
"It abuts my parents' bedroom wall.
"And I'm crying so loudly, I wanted them to come.
"No one's coming.
"No one is coming to get me."
"Okay."
"And now the next scene, well,
"I only find men who don't care.
"They don't tune into my issues.
"They're not caring.
"I care about them."
And that was learned behavior.
The baby was crying, saying,
"Come and attend to my needs. I'm worth it."
But when the parent systematically didn't come,
the baby began to think, "Oh, maybe I'm not worth it.
"No one's coming."
And that person kept all that grief,
all that pain, all that stress inside.
She couldn't have orgasms.
She couldn't enjoy sex.
She couldn't express her feelings.
She had all kinds of stomach issues.
The seat of our emotions is the stomach.
All kinds of gut issues
because the gut is known as the "second brain."
So when you begin to look back, you think,
"Oh, I see. I never expressed pain,
"but I have painful headaches.
"I never express hurt, but my knees hurt,
"my legs hurt, my head hurts.
"I never express pain.
"I have all these painful symptoms.
"I never cried and now my body is crying."
The body is innately intelligent.
It has a wisdom, and you can't separate
the body from the mind.
So I want you to think of the hurt that could
be stored in your body, and what can you do?
Well, here's the magic, and it really does feel like magic.
You need to start saying,
"I was hurt by...," "I was hurt when...,"
It doesn't mean you're going
into the past and going, "Hey, let's have a pity party."
It just means you say, "Oh, I was hurt as a kid
"when my mother preferred my brother.
"I was hurt as a child when my parents sent me to school,
"I got bullied, and they went, 'Suck it up.'
"I was hurt when my father left and didn't come to visit.
"I was hurt when I had to wear secondhand clothes.
"It hurt me.
"And if I express the hurt, it will all go away.
"My body is holding on to hurt,
"storing hurt because it doesn't know where to put it.
"And all I have to do is open my mouth and go,
"'That hurt me. I was hurt by...,
"'I got hurt when..."
So let's do it now, just briefly.
I want you to start and finish this sentence,
"I was hurt by...," put an ending on that automatically.
"I was hurt by...," finish that sentence.
"I got hurt when..., it hurt me when..."
"I felt hurt about...,"
You might think, "I'm not answering this."
It doesn't matter.
Remember it and play this game after the video,
just walk around your day-to-day life saying,
"I was hurt by..., I was hurt when...,
"I was hurt because..., it hurt me when..."
If you can verbalize your hurt,
I promise you, promise, promise, promise you,
it will start to come out of your body.
Your organs don't need to store hurt
store pain, store trauma.
They can start to release it.
It's stored in your body
because you don't know how to express it or deal with it.
You know, many years ago,
I took my little girl to feed the ducks
and she fell in the water.
I still don't know how she fell in.
I was with her, but she fell in.
And I took off my shoes and I jumped in, and I took her home.
And she was saying to my mom,
"I thought the ducks were going to eat me.
"My mommy took off her shoes before she came to get me."
And I was saying, "Oh, darling,
"it isn't because I care about the shoes,
"but they were heavy shoes.
"I had to jump in the water and get you."
My mom said, "Don't talk about it anymore.
"Stop talking about it."
I said, "No, no, no.
"She needs to talk about it.
"She has a feeling that I cared more about my shoes than her.
"She worried the ducks would eat her.
"She was very upset that her hairband fell off
"and floated away.
"And we're just going to discuss it.
"I'm going to explain,
"'I don't care about my shoes,
"'I care about my baby.
"'And I took them off to get to you fast.
"'The ducks weren't going to eat you.
"'But that must have been very scary to think they were.
"'And it was very sad that your favorite hair band
"'floated away, we'll get you another one.'"
I allowed her to process her hurt, her anxiety.
I don't want her to have a fear of water
or a fear of ducks or any kind of fear.
So we all do this, "Let's not discuss it.
"Put it out of your mind.
"I'm never going to talk about it again."
No, say things like,
"Oh, I was hurt by..., it hurt me when..."
The happiest, most evolved people express hurt.
The unhappiest will push it in and go,
"Hey, my dad died. I never discussed it,
"I went straight back to work.
"And then I don't know what happened,
"I had a nervous breakdown four years later.
"I had a trauma and I just carried on, never talked about it.
"And then I seemed to get into depression."
I have many, many, many depressed clients
who don't understand that it began
when they couldn't say, "I'm hurt.
"I'm neglected. I'm not seen. I'm not heard."
You deserve to be seen and heard. Your feelings matter.
They are the most real thing that you have.
And they're always trying to tell you something.
And feelings of pain, psychosomatic pain,
you get rid of one pain and you get another pain.
"I've cured my stomachache, now I've got headaches.
"I've cured my skin problem but now I've got something else."
It's because you're not dealing
with what I call "what lies beneath."
So today, please, please, please,
pretty please with bells on, start to look at what hurt you
and just say, "That really hurt. I was so hurt when...,"
because if you do that, it will change everything.
If you would like help dealing with past hurt,
please contact my amazing team to see how we can help you.
And don't forget to subscribe to my channel for more videos.
Thanks for tuning in.