-Yeah, you know, things are good.
I mean, we're back in the studio.
We're live tonight, which is cool,
but there's barely anyone here.
It's a little weird.
-I know, man, it's like, we're getting back to normal.
But at the same time, not at all.
-Yeah, exactly.
But you know the one thing I would love
more than anything?
Is to have a guest in person.
I miss talking to someone in person.
-Yeah, man, I know what you're saying.
I just miss being in the same room with other people,
you know? -Right?
-What's up, John? -Hey, Jimmy, what's up?
[ Both screaming ]
[ Bouncy theme music playing ]
♪♪
-Live from Rockefeller Center in the heart of New York City,
it's "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon."
Tonight, join Jimmy and his guests
John Cena,
musical guest BTS,
and featuring the Legendary Roots Crew.
♪♪
And now here's your host -- Jimmy Fallon.
♪♪
-Get it!
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh!
Yes! Hello!
Thank you very much. Welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You guys, we are live right now.
We are live from New York City! [ Cheers and applause ]
And man, what the hell was that...
debate? Was that debate?
What did we -- I am so --
What was that?
I am so stressed right now.
I have a kink. It just --
I felt like I just slept on an air mattress.
Just one of those kinks that just --
I got to get psyched.
We do have a great show tonight.
John Cena is here in the studio. [ Cheers and applause ]
First live guest in the studio,
John Cena, we love him.
Also, we have music from BTS every single...
[ Cheers and applause ]
...night this week, we're having some performance
from BTS, it's gonna be good.
I'm actually pumped. I am so amped right now,
President Trump demanded I take a drug test.
That's how... [ Laughter ]
Well, guys, tonight in Cleveland,
it was the first presidential debate
between President Trump and Vice President Joe Biden.
And boy, wasn't that fun?
Seriously, did anyone take anything away from tonight?
Was that helpful to any American?
The only person enjoyed that was Vladimir Putin
while he was stroking a cat.
"Yes. Yes, yes." [ Laughs ]
Honestly, sitting through that debate felt like
getting a COVID test in both nostrils at once.
I was like...
[ Laughter ]
Seriously, after the debate, I threw on "The Vow"
just to pick myself up.
[ Laughter ]
Things were tense tonight, man.
Usually when you see two guys this age arguing,
it's about leaves blowing on each other's lawn.
As expected, the debate was full of hurtful insults,
constant fighting and vicious personal attacks.
Or as Americans call it, Thanksgiving.
[ Laughter ] Before the debate, Chris Wallace
said that if he does his job right,
it'll be like he's not there.
Well, mission accomplished.
[ Laughter ]
Things got really ugly.
After the debate was over, Wallace said he wants to
moderate something a little more civil
like a Real Housewives reunion or a back alley knife fight.
Tonight's debate was presented without commercials.
Yeah. The only interruptions were Trump cutting off
Biden and Chris Wallace every eight seconds.
[ Rapid stammering ]
"No, you're allowed... [ Rapid stammering ]
[ Laughter ]
No, you said I have to do --
you have to do the -- I did what you said."
[ Laughter ]
Actually tonight's debate made history.
It was the first time Americans ever watched something on TV
and wished there were commercials.
I need a break!
I break! Give me a gecko. Give me something.
[ Laughter ]
Things got brutal fast. Just to give you an idea,
this was one of the lighter moments.
-All right, gentlemen --
-Which was heavily -- -Mr. President --
-You would have been much later, Joe.
-Mr. President -- -Much later.
Mr. President -- -You're talking about
2 million people.
-Chris Wallace felt like a kindergarten teacher
running a class on Zoom.
And the night went downhill pretty quickly.
Biden was doing everything he could to try to
get Trump to stop interrupting, take a look at this.
-Donald, would you just be quiet for a minute?
-And you don't know her -- -Will you shut up, man?
-Who was -- Listen -- -This is so unpresidential.
-He's gonna pack the --
-Will he just shush for a minute?
-After that, Biden got a standing ovation from Melania.
It's like... "Finally!
Finally! [ Applause ]
Some --"
At that point, I was just waiting for a woman in a bikini
to walk out holding a sign that said "Round 2."
[ Laughter ]
You know it was a rough debate when the guy who told
the president to shut up was seen as the classy candidate.
[ Laughter ]
Well, the first of the night's six sections
was about the Supreme Court, and it ended like this.
Watch this exchange.
-This is so unpresidential. -He's gonna pack the Court.
-That was really a productive segment, wasn't it?
[ Chuckling ]
Keep yapping, man.
[ Laughter ]
Sadly, looking back, that was the most productive segment.
After that, the debate moved on to the pandemic.
Then Biden tried to hit Trump with a quick sound byte.
Watch this.
-When he was presented with that number,
he said "It is what it is."
Well, it is what it is because you are who you are.
-Ooh.
-Even Dr. Seuss was like, "Wait, what are we talking about?"
[ Laughter ]
"It is what... we are -- is what you are?"
But Biden couldn't talk about the pandemic
without bringing up one of Trump's
most famous gaffes. Check it out.
-This is the same man... -It's all set up.
-...who told you by Easter, this would be gone away.
By the warm weather, it would be gone,
miraculously, like a miracle.
By the way, maybe you could inject some bleach in your arm
and that would take care of it.
This is the same man. -That was said sarcastically.
You know that.
-Meanwhile, a guy injecting bleach into his arm
was like, "Wait, what do you mean sarcastically?"
[ Laughter ]
Trump is like, "I don't inject bleach.
I wear a patch and slowly absorb it all day."
[ Laughter ]
At the end of Trump's presidency, he'll just be like,
"Come on, everything I said was sarcastic.
Well, just... [ Speaking indistinctly ]
No, you said that, I...
No, no, well, you said -- I said..."
Of course trump tried to fight back.
He really took issue with Biden using the word smart.
Watch this. -Unless he gets a lot smarter
a lot quicker -- -Mr. President?
-Did you use the word smart?
Don't use the word smart with me.
[ Laughter ]
Yep. Trump accused Biden of not being smart.
He was like, "I'm much smarter. That's how is how I got
nominated for the Taco Bell Peace Prize."
[ Laughter ]
And finally, Biden had really had enough
and hit Trump with this insult.
-People out there need help.
-But why didn't you do it over the last 25 years?
-Because you weren't president --
-Why didn't you do it over the last 25 years?
-Because you weren't president screwing things up.
-You were a Senator and -- -You're the worst president
America has ever had. Come on.
-Oof.
Trump was like, "That's ridiculous.
Everyone knows I'm somewhere between
George Washington and Martin Sheen."
[ Laughter ]