I'm telling you right now that's gotta go yeah that's bad that was really bad
okay see this is why this is important this whole thing just hold presentation
just just throw it take it with the garbage
America is open for business and we're here to see how far we can sell out
before the people push back this is fake focus group public transit is a mess
suffering from overcrowding and poor service it's clearly driving people
crazy now cities are turning to rideshare apps as an alternative however
what's the trade-off for this convenience aside from their higher
price these apps have been accused of being discriminatory in classes what if
these worlds fly and car ride share logic was applied to the rapidly failing
New York City subway phony Proctor Samir invited two groups of New York commuters
to get their insight on a subway system supposedly rolling out next year just in
case people were a little tepid on the idea we had our man on the inside Z
Spectre play devil's advocate real people phony services
yes if we had a really exciting day ahead of us
will top two it will go around the room tell us how do you feel about public
transportation the efficiency of it could be better smell like pee yeah
I've also been flashed in the subway do you expect a little something special
yeah we've let the system deteriorate so much that it's hard to patch it up now
sooner or later the bubble is gonna burst from your office in the people are
gonna basically start to revolt so our focus groups made it clear the system
was plain broken with that in mind we were ready to show them the pitch
reliable yes ethically questionable you bet your sweet ass straphanger is a new
community transportation service with a legacy of connecting people coming in
2020 straphanger will solve the issues of the current public system no more
train delays no more passenger congestion and accurate schedules our
new fleet of transit vehicles will include spacious VIP sections flush with
USB port charging stations for personal devices VIP commuters will be able to
breeze through stations and get to their destination without delay rider safety
is important and suspicious non-essential riders are a growing
problem at transit stops and stations that's why straphanger is proud to
partner with private security companies to protect our commuters with the help
of our community we look forward to connecting the city and closing the
circuit here and eventually everywhere strap on first we
wanted to see how the group responded to straphangers VIP option when our
commuters be willing to pay $200 for less delays less crowding and extra
security let's see I just see Aleve hism written all over this this whole system
to me smacks of classism I don't say I don't like it
gentrification on the train pretty much that's that's a good way to face and go
in the back you know peasant it's so anti-american all right and who wants
you rent the cops in the subway because we do they might be psychos more than
some of the other guys are I can assure you guys they're much more than ready
cops new guys are tactically trained to happen you know okay just seeing that
stormtrooper kid the guy that was like a total turnoff did you see what he did
walked up and just kicked it with it and he's carrying a friggin m16 this is what
ladder because that tested really well the hell is that tested well yeah
so the VIP section clearly wasn't an instant hit
so Samir moved on to entice them with some exclusive amenities we're bouncing
around the idea of in the VIP cars like doing surprise and delight sort of
suppose you got into a VIP car one day and Yoko Ono is performing yeah well I
mean we're why not oh yeah we'll be lovely
it's quiet that would be a blessing what about maybe like Zen yoga giving people
like meditation lessons leave the entertainment outside the Train okay
strike two so it felt like the right time for our panel to offer some
suggestions that might keep them on board I would need for me I'm paying to
another small Peter's mom I want cushion seats maybe
uh some snacks he smoked no I don't know there was this discussion of like
overlooking like use of marijuana the grip before this was vehemently angry
when we suggested this done and like no we found no smoking period I don't want
any help marijuana smoke I don't want any Oh
cigarette smoke marijuana if you don't like it to make you puke yeah I'd like a
smoke cart though I'm the same America's glowing yeah changin your life has
changed but you know I can understand a lot of people don't like smoke don't
infringe on my personal space period what if it was a vaporizer product yeah
no smoking baby cool Jeff's grievances were all valid but
there was still one serious problem that remained unsolved I've also been flashed
in the subway so our first initiative is how are we going to eliminate sex pass
I'm the guy that's like ready to judge who in front of me objective look in a
last-ditch effort the group was recruited to come up with PSAs in an
attempt to resolve the problem to be candid what it's basically trying to say
is our security will fuck you up if you're a sex fest don't come here paired
up with kind of like a visual like what do you see and what is the slogan say
and this is my slogan no sex in this caboose is there any way you can punch
that up to make it my poster would be we're watching you with the big red you
know don't do thing but inside there will be the cucumber that everybody uses
as the penis emoji right with a hand with little wise like
it's moving on the cucumber the eggplant right right yes it's very millennial and
stuff but like my grandmother would think Oh
do not bring an eggplant on this trend it's good idea but it just - extremely
horny well wait because our security fixes matter very so that is it honey
flame really good can you put this stuff on the train you got kids getting in
these sections - they don't learn a word
so it all came down to this our final vote are these commuters prepared to hop
on the straphanger train so let's see like where do these changes know it
marks that why you guys are complicating your lives now do you wanna make
problems keep it simple stupid just make the trains run on time yeah make laws
enforce em all right and make it clean you do those three things you're done in
the end it seems like these people shared the same train of thought and
didn't want to adopt a system that would derail their functioning yet an
efficient system I realized that we're getting to that time so if you could
just fill out your comment cards clearly from their comments we'll have to go
back to the drawing board with this one
straphanger rules ride safe respect others don't misbehave absolutely no sex
you