I started taking antipsychotics after I had a manic episode a few years ago. But I was
just put on a really small dose at first, because they weren't sure… They hadn't kind
of diagnosed me with bipolar disorder at that stage, and they didn't want to kind of sort
of go straight in with sort of heavier drugs. So they gave me quite a low dose to start off with.
But even kind of at that, I remember being kind of quite scared at the time when I kind
of… Even just hearing the word antipsychotic, I think it's quite a kind of scary sounding
word if you're not used to it, I think. Partly because the way the words sort of psychotic
and psychosis are used sort of in everyday conversation and the media in kind of quite
a sort of negative way.
So I was quite scared. And then when I read the side effects, I was even more scared,
and at that point I just wanted to open up the packets and throw all the pills down the toilet.
But yes, I carried on taking them. And that was how I got started.
I don't think I ever thought that it was a choice because when I was prescribed them,
I was actually in A&E having a very, very bad episode. So there was never… I've never
actually had any debate with myself about whether this would be a good drug or not.
It just was what I was given, so to speak. And in a way I kind of sometimes with I'd
had more time to reflect on that. Not at the time; it was needed at the time. But when
I… You know a few months down the line, I wish I'd been able to explore more options.
Sometimes it's really difficult to know what your options are, and at what point you should
be kind of questioning what they put you on and how it's difficult to start with that.
Especially if you're not in the right frame of mind at the time. Exactly.
I suppose what I would say to anybody who's… Might be in a position where they've
been told that they need to go on an antipsychotic is you know, talk to your doctor about discussing
those options, you know. Fair enough, you're supposed to take this antipsychotic or I am
taking this antipsychotic and it's making me feel this way and I feel like I'm losing
out on other parts of my life, what can I also do?
I think it's important to talk to the people that are suggesting it and as you said, options.
I feel people should… If they've been told they should go on an antipsychotic I think
unless it's almost an emergency thing, which for me very much helped for a short term,
I think that worked well. But for the long term you need to discuss with... A close relationship
with your doctor or psychiatrist.
Because it is your life as well as your illness, so…
Yes. And like I said, doctors just want to stick with it. They see you doing… You're
functioning like normal. And they see you everyday, day to day activities you can do.
So they'll just say stick with it. But only you know yourself for your own insight of
what you were like before and how you want to be like. So yes, maybe… It definitely
needs to be discussed with the doctor or psychiatrist.
The doctor I see now, he's really good. Because I can tell him I think I'm able to come down
a little bit, decrease the medication a little bit. And he's fine with it, and then he talks
to me about it in a really casual kind of way.
I find that I've said to them a few times, I'd like to go down because I'm not myself
any more. And they kind of say I'll review you and if a couple of months or… You feel
like you want to be in control of what you're taking and the side effects as well.
Yes, it's difficult like you were saying about who you are and your personality. The doctor
doesn't… Hasn't seen you before, what you're like. So they just think you're just a…
Just a person. They just see you as a thing sort of almost, like a diagnosis rather than
a person with a personality and your own feelings, and stuff like that. You should always have
that conversation with, you know, your medical professional. To say, you know, what are my
options? And just keep checking in on that.
The good thing about going straight on the tablets was that I could go back to work.
Because during my episode, of course no one at work knows. And there's a stigma, so I
didn't want to tell people, I didn't want to know.
I think like the tiredness thing was the main thing for me. At the time I was only working
part time two days a week, and I don't think I would have been able to work full time on
that. Certainly consider going back on them in the future if I needed to… Yes. I mean,
it's not something I would do lightly. But if I needed to, I would.
Because even though they do have lots of side effects, I've kind of calmed down a bit from…
I wasn't quite so manic as I had been, but I was still feeling kind of really agitated
and kind of just not quite right. And when I started taking them, I kind of calmed down
and felt more relaxed and I think yes, I think that helped my mood to kind of level out and
get me back to kind of feeling okay again.
I think that's the other thing that I always find challenging and confusing; is the fact
that depending on what your diagnosis might be, there isn't always… In my mind, there's
a kind of go to sort of medication that would actually suit your particular condition. Whereas
the reality is that, you know, your psychiatrist or whoever, your doctor will say well look,
let's explore things around a whole different area like antipsychotics or antidepressants
or mood stabilisers and all kinds of things.
And you don't have to be stuck with one particular medication for the rest of your life and that's
it. There's always… There are always options, you know. The antipsychotic is one in a whole
toolkit of things that you can use to make yourself, life better.
Everybody's just different, and different doses will work for different people and different
medication. So it's not just one drug for all. It's like it depends on the individual really.