Hey, welcome back to Live on Purpose TV. As always, we've got some great content
especially for parents from our positive parenting playlist. Today, how to be
patient with kids.
As we break down the top 10 today on how to be patient with kids, let's start with
number 10, which is "learn something about child development". One of the things that
tips is over the most as parents or as people who work with kids is a
misunderstanding or an unrealistic expectation about what kind of behavior
to expect. Kids will be kids. And I'm not saying that to excuse any inappropriate
behavior. I'm just saying there's a developmentally appropriate and
expectable kind of a presentation that we will give from kids. Learn what that
is. Learn what's typical of a two-year-old and you will be much more
patient with your two year old, you follow? Learn what's typical of a fifteen
year old and you will be much more patient with your fifteen year old? There
are developmental norms and expectations and you can learn more about that right
here on the channel or on other great resources that will help you to learn a
little bit about child development. That's going to increase your patience.
Coming in at number 9, "take care of yourself". Do you remember when, in some
other videos, I've shared this. When you're on an airplane last and you're
taxiing out on the runway. You're getting ready to take off, the flight attendants
going through the little safety routine and they tell you that when the oxygen
masks fall from the ceiling because we've lost cabin pressure you're
supposed to put it on. And here's how you fasten it. You know, with the rubber band
and a little yellow cup. They always remind us that if we're traveling
with someone who needs assistance, to put our own mask on first. You're being
patient with your child will be enhanced by how good you're feeling inside your
own skin. I remember a mom who came to see me. She was so fried, I mean just
clobbered and worn out, she's trying... she's a single mom, first of all. She's
trying to take care of, I think it was three
kids and hold down her job and do everything that was required of her and
she's just toasted, right? As I was visiting with this mom, I invited her.
I handed her a notepad and I invited her to start writing down on this notepad
everything and everyone that she was taking care of. So, she started, and she is
writing away, furiously just...And then she turns the page and she starts on the
next page, oh man, she's going to town and then she turns to the next page she's
got a ton of stuff going on and she starts slowing down and thinking a
little bit in between and she's done. Did you get it all? "oh, oh, oh one more thing."
She wrote it down. "Yeah, I think that's it." I took that pad from her and started
looking through all of these things that she was in charge of or taking care of
that she was responsible for. Guess who was missing from the list? Yeah, you knew
it. She didn't include herself on that list.
And she realized "You know what? Nobody else is going to do this." Now, if you're
in a relationship, or you have a spouse or a partner, who should be taking
care of you. Really, that's not a fair burden to put on a partner or a spouse.
We need to take responsibility to take care of number 1. It's like putting
your own mask on first it gives you the power and the ability to step up and do
everything else that's on that list, that three-page list
that you just created. Take care of yourself.
So, number 8 on our list of how to develop more patience with our kids.
"Picture them in 20 years". This is a perspective exercise. Where are your kids
going to be in 20 years? I don't know. They're going to be somewhere and wherever
they end up is their choice not yours. You can set them up for success but kids
are still going to make their own choices, right? Now, I say picture them in 20 years
because almost all of your kids except for the very youngest ones
out there right now will be adults by 20 years from now. So, and even the ones that
aren't are going to be really close, right? My daughter just turned 21 last week. Now
she's an official adult, right? And I put that in air quotes because what changed
since the week before? Well, hardly anything except that now she legally is
an adult. So, the state thinks that she's arrived, right? Picture them in 20 years.
Can you picture this little kid as a young adult? Can you picture this
teenager as an established 30 something? You see where we're going? Get a
perspective that shows you your child in the future and realize that these are
little people who are going to grow up to be big people, if we do our job right
and barring any unforeseen circumstances. Okay, so picture them in 20 years. Coming
in at number 7, I love this as a mantra, you could write this up and hang it on
the wall. "People before problems and values before valuables". People before
problems, values before valuables. This is another perspective tool that will help
us to have more patience with our kids. We're not here to make sure that that
room stays clean, that's not our job. If we can accomplish that that'll be fine.
We are here to raise that child that keeps messing up the room. So, we always
put the person before the problem and the value before the valuables. Now,
that'll lead us right into number 6 on our countdown list today, is find the fun.
"Find the fun". Kids need to be having fun. You know what? I think adults need to be
having fun, too. And if we're not having fun, we're doing it wrong.
Find the fun. Let's expand that just a little bit. Find the funny. Jeanne
Robertson is an amazing, funny, comedian. G-rated family-friendly. You can find her
right here on YouTube. Jeanne Robertson, one of my colleagues at the National
Speakers Association and she helped me to see this. "Find the funny." Almost every
experience you have and especially with these little kids has some element that
could be funny, hilarious, got splittingly funny. Find it. Find the funny this
will increase your patience because your focus just shifted. Instead of finding
what to be annoyed or irritated about, you're looking for what's funny or
amusing. Something that you might want to share on your social media feed.
Something you might want to use the next time you get invited to give a talk in
church or at the club. Find the funny. It's there, it's valuable and it helps
you to be more patient. Okay, now we're on the last half of our
list. Number 5 is, "become a more patient person". This might go without
saying but the person that you bring to the interaction is how you're going to
show up. How do I be more patient with my kids?
Well, you become a more patient person in general. Start working on that in every
aspect of your life and it will create a better parent who's more patient. Number
4 on our list. "Build the memories". These kids are going to grow up. The
things that frustrate you right now, you're likely to miss later on. So, build
the memories now. I got to give a shout out to my daughter-in-law, Jessica. She is
the most fantastic mother and as she's raising our little grandkids, she will
send pictures, they live several states away, so we don't get to see him all the
time. But she will send little pictures and videos of funny, amusing
memory worthy things that these little kids are doing and they're just being
kids, they're doing what they do best. She finds the funny, captures it on a picture,
an image or video and then she sends it to Grandma and Grandpa and we love it.
That will be preserved now for her and her family to enjoy those memories later
on and have fun with it even after they moved to a different
stage of development. Okay, let's go to number 3. Number 3 on our
countdown is, "who's teaching whom?"Alright, this is an acknowledgment that we as
parents get to learn a lot from these little people that are sent into our
home. Who is the real teacher? Can we be open to the possibility that maybe these
kids are sent to us to teach us something? Wow, that's a different
perspective and it helps us to be more patient. While we're talking about kids
teaching us things, let's go to number 2.
number 2 on our list is to "become more childlike". What if we could see the world
through their eyes? When I took my little granddaughter on a walk recently, we're
going around the block and she sees a little puddle, wel,l you know what's going to
happen, right? She's 3. What does the three-year-old do with a puddle? Well,
they go right to it and they stomp in it, they splash, they make a noise, they make
a an effect there that's fun. As adults we kind of walk around the puddles, right?
We don't want to get messy, we don't want to do anything inappropriate. What if we
start stomping a few puddles? What if we could have a fresh appreciation for this
world like our little kids do? So that they can teach us to enjoy the beauty
and the amazing things that are all around us. Become more childlike. Now,
number one on our list. Remember your job as a parent, is to "love them no matter
what and even if". It's not to make sure that they
anything. When we let go of the job of making sure that they whatever. We feel
so much less frustration. We can enjoy life more. We can see with fresh eyes the
things that those little kids are appreciating and enjoying in their world.
And we get back to our job of, we're just going to love them no matter what and even
if. And I say that with a full acknowledgement that there are things we
can do to help shape their behaviors. But what we're talking about in this video
is how do you get to be more patient with your kids. And remembering your job
is to love them. That's going to help you let go of some of the other stuff and
keep focused on the really important stuff.
Hey guys, stick around on this positive parenting playlist. We're putting a lot
of videos out there for you as the parent and just a little heads up, my
wife and I are creating a special digital product just for you.