-Welcome back to "Late Night."
As the Biden presidency
approaches the five-month mark,
not everything is perfect,
but one thing we can say for sure is
that Biden truly cares about the American people,
unlike Trump, who only delivered for himself and his cronies
and who brazenly -- -Oh, here we go again.
-I'm sorry. What was that?
-Oh, nothing. You were busy linking arms with Jane Fonda
on the Capitol steps. Go on.
-[ Sigh ] I'm sorry, everybody.
This is one of our writers, Matt Goldich,
and, as you can probably tell, Matt is conservative.
-Yes, Seth, I'm a conservative
and I'm here to provide a balanced counterpoint
to one of your unhinged virtue signal-logues
about how you're going to move to Canada, unless the next
Major League Baseball All-Star Game
is played inside a mosque.
[ Laughter ] -Matt, if you want to provide
your conservative perspective on the show,
write it up and submit it.
Don't just keep interrupting me.
-Oh, I'm sorry for not providing a safe space for your views,
Ben & Jerry.
[ Laughter ] I guess this
intellectual back-and-forth
is a little more difficult to navigate
than those Hamptons fundraisers you go to
with Walter Mondale and Bella Abzug.
[ Laughter ] -Matt, I'm pretty sure both
of those people are dead.
-Well, thank you, bail reform.
[ Laughter ] -Matt, I don't even care
that you're interrupting the show,
as long as you don't show that long graphics package
that makes it look like you're one
of the great conservative luminaries of our time.
-Ah, you must be the one that lets people know it's time for
"The Conservative Perspective."
[ Somber march plays ]
♪♪
-Oh, I really hate that so much, buddy.
[ Laughter ]
There's like five or six times you think it's over
and then, it just keeps going.
Say what you want about Joe Biden,
but he's delivered tangible results
for the American people, while presenting
real solutions -- -Oh, here we go.
[ Laughter ] -Wait. What was that?
-Oh, nothing. I was just listening to you
do the bidding of the banking industry
and slobber all over "Oldman" Sachs,
instead of supporting the political revolution we need!
-Alright. This is another one of our writers, Sal Gentile.
And let me guess, Sal. You're a progressive?
-Uh, yeah, Seth, I'm a progressive.
I don't know if you've ever met a real one
at one of those CPAC conferences you attend
with Milton Friedman and John McLaughlin.
-I know both of those people are dead.
-Well, thank you, private health insurance!
[ Laughter ] Seth, it's time
for a new voice on your show.
It's time for "The Progressive Perspective"!
-♪ Fight the power ♪
♪ Fight the power ♪
♪ We've got to fight the powers that be ♪
♪ As the rhythm's designed to bounce ♪
♪ What counts is that the rhyme's ♪
♪ Designed to fill your mind ♪
♪ Now that you've realized the pride's arrived ♪
♪ We got to pump the stuff to make ya tough ♪
♪ From the heart, it's a start, a work of art ♪
♪ To revolutionize, make a change, nothing strange ♪
♪ People, people, we are the same ♪
♪ No, we're not the same, 'cause we don't know the game ♪
-And that also sucks.
You can't like keep cutting back to you,
making people think it's over.
Never mind.
Sal, so let me get this straight.
You're saying that, because Joe Biden
isn't a true blue, dyed-in-the-wool progressive,
that people on the left should withhold their support
and risk fracturing the Democratic Party
and sending us back to the Republican-led Stone Age?
-Uh...
Well, you see --
Alright, look, Seth, I'm not really that extreme, okay?
-You're not?
-No, of course I support whoever the Democrat in charge is,
even if it is Joe Biden, an out-of-touch, old white guy.
I mean, I already work for one of those.
-Gee, thanks, Sal.
-Talking about you, Seth.
[ Laughter ] -I know. I know.
-Anyway, I was just hoping to make a big splash
and parlay the, you know, this whole thing into a gig,
writing a newsletter that makes eight figures on Substack.
-What is Substack?
-I don't know! Nobody knows!
-Sal, you don't need to pretend you're something you're not.
Just be yourself.
-Really? Um...
But that's just a guy who's like super angry
about the Mets all the time.
-Yeah, but aren't they like good this year?
-For now.
-But the roster's pretty strong, though.
-They're gonna [bleep] it up, Seth!
[ Laughter ]
-That's fine. Just, you know.
-[ Sigh ] -Just be Sal Gentile.
-Alright, well,
in that case, it's time for "The Gentile Perspective."
♪♪
♪ Meet the Mets ♪
♪ Step right up and greet the Mets ♪
♪ Bring your kiddies, bring your wife ♪
♪ Guaranteed you have the time of your life ♪
♪ Because the Mets are really ♪
♪ Sockin' the ball ♪
[ Bat cracks ] ♪ Knockin' those home runs ♪
♪ Over the wall ♪
♪ East Side, West Side ♪
♪ Everybody's comin' down ♪
♪ To meet the M-e-t-s, Mets ♪
♪ Of New York ♪
♪ Town ♪
♪♪
-Man, you really love the Mets, huh?
-They make me want to die, Seth.
-You know what?
Screw all of you for wasting our time, Sal.
And screw you too, man. [ Laughs ]