[POP MUSIC]
IYANLA VANZANT: Miss D'Aydra wrote me
because she is unhappy in her marriage, her life,
and questioning where to go next.
But before we can make any decisions about the future,
I want to know from Miss D'Aydra and from her husband,
Mr. Idris, if we are here to repair a marriage
or dissolve one.
I know this can be a little scary.
But I'd like you to blindfold--
Oh, my god.
--yourself.
So you can put them right over your glasses.
And I'm going to guide you.
Walk with me.
[POP MUSIC]
IYANLA VANZANT: Miss D'Aydra-- - Hi.
How are you?
I'm good.
Let me do the hand-off.
I want you to take a nice deep breath.
[SIGHS]
And just stand there.
Don't be nervous.
Mm.
[POP MUSIC]
Idris!
- Ma'am. - How are you?
Good, good. How are you doing?
Good. Welcome.
Good to see you.
I'm going to ask you to blindfold yourself.
Blindfold myself.
Mm-hmm.
- OK. - OK?
All right.
Turn around.
Turn around?
Turn around.
Welcome!
Both of you are here because of choices you've made,
choices you need to make.
So I'm going to start with you, Mr. Idris.
I'm going to uncover your eyes.
And you're going to have three choices.
Mm-hmm.
You look at what's in front of you,
and I want you to make your choice from your heart--
OK.
- --from your truth. - All right.
- Ready? - Mm-hmm.
OK.
Door number one, door number two, or door number three?
And just let the truth come forward for you.
Is that what you-- is that what you have to do?
- Yeah. - OK.
So you got lemons.
Here.
Hold that.
Miss D'Aydra, I'm going to take your blindfold off.
And you'll have three choices in front of you.
OK.
I want you to choose the one that most represents
what brought you here.
Mm-hmm.
OK?
Door number one, door number two, or door number three.
Whatever you choose, just choose your truth.
Hmm.
That's you're door.
That's my door.
OK.
Come on over on the other side with me.
I'm going to reveal to you the door that Mr. Idris chose.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
He got lemons.
Mm-hmm.
Why did you choose that?
I made the choice.
To--
To be in a marriage and stay in.
How does it make you feel to know that's what he chose?
Familiar, honestly.
- It's familiar? - It is.
Why?
It reminded me of my father when
when I read that, honestly. IYANLA VANZANT: Why?
Because he did the same thing.
What?
I think he just did his best to make
it work, as opposed to be in it because he
wholeheartedly wanted to.
And so that's what your husband is saying to you.
That's what it seems like.
Yeah, because he could have chose this.
But he didn't.
Yeah?
But, you know what, that isn't as bad as this.
[LAUGHING] That's what she chose about you.
Knew what?
It's just not--
it's not very simple.
There's just-- there's a lot to it.
How does it feel to know your wife chose that?
I feel like I understand.
Yeah.
Even when you don't talk about it, when you think it,
you wear it.
So that's how you've been walking around.
And here's one for you.
That's how you've been walking around.
Come on.
Have a seat.
Woo.
Turn you tag around.
I want you to be clear about what
you're showing in the world.
And that's what you show to each other too?
I think I try to show something better than this.
Yeah.
But that's the truth.
Yeah. - Yeah.
And how long have you been married?
Six years.
Six years?
Mm-hmm.
And how many children?
Hmm.
Well, we have two together.
And we have a total of 11 children.
11 children?
Uh-huh.
Is this your first marriage, second marriage?
- Second marriage. - Second marriage.
You've got two that you brought with you.
- Yes. - Two you had together.
Yes.
- So that's four. - Yes.
And he has nine?
I had seven before. IYANLA VANZANT: Oh, seven.
Seven. - I had from before.
Got you. Got you.
Whoa.
Oldest is-- - Um--
- She's 29. - She's 29.
Just turned 29. IYANLA VANZANT: 29.
29. And--
- And the youngest is three. - Three.
OK.
So let me ask you this.
What is your love story?
We met at work.
And I was eating some strawberries.
And he came over cracking jokes about how
I was eating my strawberries.
And then he gave me his number, told me to call him.
- And you did? - And I did.
Because--
Because-- because he was cute.
And he made me laugh.
When I first met Idris, I felt like everything
just fit without effort.
I felt chemistry was, like, really easy.
And nothing was forced.
I felt very safe with him, you know,
physically and emotionally.
That's just kind of who he is.
So how long between then and the time
you got married or moved in?
How long?
We moved in with one another, like, three months later.
And we were married six months after our first date.
Wow.
He moved in with you, or you moved in with him?
He moved in with me.
IYANLA VANZANT: He moved in with you.
Yeah.
Why are you here today?
Question for me or--
Both of you.
You-- tell me about the hardness of the bed that you've made.
You've made your bed hard.
My grandmother used to say that.
If you make your bed hard, you have to lie in it.
So tell me about the hardness of your bed.
My marriage bed is hard, because--
My marriage bed is hard because of the disconnect.
I really don't think that she wants me is how I feel.
IYANLA VANZANT: Oh. IDRIS: Um--
Don't tell me about her.
Tell me about how it's hard for you.
It's hard for me, because I have--
we have children.
And I'd want to run, but I can't.
Why?
Well, we have kids.
You're telling me you can't go, because you have children.
You're not telling me why you want to go.
Do you want to go?
Part of me wants out.
No, no, no, no.
Ain't no part of you.
All of you.
If you can't be all in, then you're out.
Do you want in or out?
[FORBIDDING MUSIC]
IYANLA VANZANT: The woman has to talk
to her man to get him to move the way she needs him to move.
(MIMICKING WHINING VOICE) Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah.
You're not going to get nothing with that.