[Son] Daddy, are you a scab?
Am I a what?!
[Son] Are you a scab?
Why would you ask me that?
[Son] Because you’re writing, aren’t you?
. . . Yes.
[Son] But the writers are on strike!
. . . Okay, now I get it. Sorry, champ, it just took your old dad
a minute to figure out what the hell you were talking about. Yes, I am writing. But—
[Son] —You’re always
saying how solidarity with the working class is very important!
I don’t know if I’m always saying that . . . Anyway, solidarity with the working
class is very important. But, I’m not on strike because I’m not a member of the Writers Guild.
[Son] That’s being a scab!
You little . . . rascal. No, it’s not being a scab, because I don’t
actually work in the industry covered by the Writers Guild. See, the people on strike are
professional screenwriters who get hired by studios to work on movies and TV shows.
I write YouTube videos about Star Trek and old comic books, and live on viewer sponsorships,
ad revenue, and forlorn prayers to a god I don’t even believe in. We’re not the same.
[Son] Why is there a writers’ strike?
. . . Don’t you think you should apologize for calling me a scab?
[Son] Yes. . . . Why is there a writer’s strike?
Well. It’s basically the same reason why there’s
any kind of strike. The bosses aren’t giving the workers fair compensation.
[Son] Why not?
Because there’s a lot of money on the table and the studios want to keep as much of it
for themselves as they can. And they’re using the fact that the TV and movie industry is in
kind of a transitional period at the moment, with more and more people watching stuff via
streaming services as opposed to longer established outlets such as broadcast and
cable TV and movie theaters, to try and poor mouth the writers and argue
that the writers’ demands are unreasonable because the studios just couldn’t afford it.
[Son] But that’s not true?
No, kiddo, it’s bullshit. It’s always bullshit. The TV and movie business
is more profitable now than it’s ever been. The industry is changing but it’s not dying,
and cutting the writers in for a bigger share isn’t gonna kill it
any more than giving players a bigger cut of the revenue is killing baseball.
[Son] So, what is killing baseball?
People from your generation watching basketball
highlights on TikTok instead of giving your attention to our glorious national pastime.
[Son]
When was the last time you watched a baseball game?
Look, we’re not talking about me! Besides, I’m only one person — how
could I possibly make a difference? Anyway, I’m glad we talked about this.
I like our little chats. I hope I answered all your questions.
[Son] You didn’t.
. . . Okay. What else can I tell you, buddy?
[Son] Um . . . what do the writers want?
They want to raise minimum pay for writers. They want to increase residuals — that’s the
money they get paid whenever a show they wrote gets rebroadcast after the initial broadcast—
[Son] I know what
residuals are, you don’t need to talk down to me.
. . . They also want to create a new kind of residual for streaming shows that pays based on
how many times a show is watched. Apparently that’s one of the major sticking points in
the negotiations, because not only would it cost the studios more money, it would also
require them to be transparent about how often shows on streaming services are being watched,
which would mean they couldn’t lie about how popular their shows are.
[Son] They lie about how popular their shows are?
They’re studio executives, buddy — they’d lie about what they had
for breakfast if they thought it would put one more nickel in their pocket.
[Son] So the
writers want more money, and want to make the studios be more honest.
Well. Mainly they want more money. It’s just that in order to get some of the money they want,
they’ll have to make the studios be more honest. It’s more of a side effect.
[Son]
And if the studios give the writers a raise and make the new residual where
they have to be honest about how much people watch the shows, the strike will be over.
Basically. I mean, there are some more specific disagreements they’d
need to get past, like how to treat mini rooms.
[Son] What’s a mini room?
I dunno, I’d hate to talk down to you.
[Son] Just answer the question.
So, scripted TV shows have writers rooms, with anywhere from a half
dozen to a couple dozen writers, and those are the people who write scripts
for the show. A mini room is a writers room that only has maybe three writers,
who get hired usually when a TV show is first being developed but hasn’t yet been greenlit
to go into production. And they write scripts that the studio or the network or whoever reads
to decide whether or not they want to actually make the show. If the show doesn’t get picked up,
those writers in the mini room are out of a job, and a lot of times even if the show
does get picked up, they’re still out of a job because once the show goes into full production,
it’ll get a full team of writers, and the writers from the mini room don’t get hired for that.
[Son] Why not?
Maybe because they weren’t considered a good fit with the other writers that were hired for
the team. Maybe because Hollywood is a soulless content factory whose gears are oiled with human
blood. Whatever the reason, the issue is not only are mini rooms usually temporary jobs,
they also aren’t paid the same as a typical writers room. So, the Writers Guild is asking
that writers hired for mini rooms be guaranteed a certain minimum number of weeks’ work, that
mini rooms be required to have a minimum number of writers, and that pay for writers in mini rooms be
brought up so that it’s more in line with what writers make on a show that’s in production.
[Son] So, if the studios
agree to that, and to the stuff about paying the writers more, and giving them more residuals,
and being honest about how many people watch their streaming shows, then the strike will be over?
Possibly. The Writers Guild also wants to regulate the use of AI so that it can’t
be used to write scripts, and so that writing covered by the Writers Guild’s
collective bargaining agreement with the studios can’t be used to train AI.
[Son] Why is that so important?
Because they don’t want there to be a situation where a writer comes in to work,
they give him a watch, kick him in the butt,
and say “hey, a computer took your place, daddy!” That’s hard times!
[Son, simultaneously] That’s hard times!
Exactly.
[Son] Are wrestlers going on strike, too?
Ha! No, no, you sweet summer child. Wrestlers don’t even have a union!
[Son] Why not?
Because pro wrestling is even bleaker and more exploitative
than the rest of the entertainment industry!
[Son] That’s sad.
It sure is, son. It sure is. . . . Oh! That reminds me, I wanna DVR Raw tonight . . .
[Son] . . . Daddy?
Yeah, champ?
[Son] So,
um, if the studios pay the writers more, and treat the writers hired to be in mini rooms better,
and give them more residuals, and start saying how many people watch
the streaming shows, and promise not to use AI for stuff, then the strike will be over?
I mean, I don’t know, but yeah, probably.
[Son] So, the strike will be over soon?
. . . Protect that innocence as long as possible, champ.