Heya playa, if you're someone that kind of sucks at texting in the sense that your conversations
tend to run dry or you run out of things to talk about, don't worry. In this video, I'm
gonna walk you through three major texting mistakes that you're probably making and how
to stop doing them. This is The Josh Speaks. You're watching The Josh Speaks. For those
of you that are new here, my name is Josh and every single week I make videos sharing
tips, ideas, and stories teaching you how to be your best self. So if you want to learn
and grow, hit the subscribe button and make sure to click on the notification bell. Now
one of the biggest texting mistakes that I see people make is that they're a little too
passive when they're trying to get closer to the person they're talking to. Instead
of just asking more questions, getting more involved, they kind of just wait for that
person to lead the conversation with them. Sometimes you might think all I have to do
is send them that initial text message and the conversation will start rolling, they'll
start answering me, they'll start talking, they'll be super engaged but that's not really
how conversations work. Just because you sent that initial text message that said "hey",
"what's up", "how you doing" doesn't mean that they're actually in a place where they
want to lead the conversation, share information with you and start talking to you about the
thing that you asked them in the most basic of ways. Think about it like this. If someone
walks up to you and says "hey what's up, what are you up to?", now the burden is on you
to actually give them an answer that's meaningful, that's fun, that's interesting. If you say
something back like "nothing much" or "I'm just kinda hanging out", the conversation
falls flat so when you're asking those basic questions to someone just kinda just trying
to get the conversation rolling you're setting up a scenario where they have to think and
be creative on their feet and a lot of people fall in that spot because they don't have
something really interesting to talk about. So what you really wanna do instead is ask
more detailed questions. This could be about what their hobbies are, what their interests
are, what they thought about the test you just had in school, what their plans are for
the weekend, anything that's actually going to get a real answer from them. And look,
there's no guarantee that they're actually going to start sharing things with you but
by asking more detailed questions that not a yes or no question, you have a higher likelihood
of actually getting a response from them. Plus if this is a person that you are actively
trying to pursue, it's important for you to be the one leading here. That's going to demonstrate
confidence to them, it's gonna let them see that you actively want to pursue them and
you actively want to get to know them better. If you're just kind of waiting for the right
opportunity or just kind of waiting for them to take the lead they're not really gonna
find that attractive. They're not really gonna know that you like them so you want to make
it more apparent through your actions by leading those interactions. The second major texting
mistake that a lot of people make is that they get a little too needy whenever they're
talking to their crush. Maybe their crush responds to their first or second message
and they feel like yeah, there's a conversation going here but once the conversation falls
flat and they stop responding, you start to beg them for an answer. You start to get annoyed,
you start to get curious, you start to worry why aren't they responding to me? And here
is where people tend to have different types of responses. For some people, they start
to freak out a little bit and say things like "hey why are you ignoring me?", "why don't
you care about me?", "why are you being mean to me?", they start to assume intention for
that person. And other times people see that they've been ghosted and just immediately
internalize that hurt. They start to feel like wow, I'm not good enough, they don't
care about me, maybe I said something stupid, they start to really just beat themselves
down feeling like yeah, because that person didn't respond I'm a bad person, I'm a bad
texter, I'm not worth getting to know. So how exactly do you address that scenario?
Do you just ignore it, move on, never talk to them again? Or do you harass them until
the end of days until you actually get a response? Well, I think it's somewhere in the middle.
Instead of sending them a passive-aggressive text message which says something like "hey,
why are you ignoring me?" which implies that you know exactly what they were doing, they
were choosing to ignore you, respond with something that's a little bit more observational.
You might want to say something like "hey, looks who's back online" or "hey, looks who's
back here texting", that way you are acknowledging that there was a brief gap of time where the
two of you weren't talking but you're not really putting too much emphasis on it. And
the whole point of saying that really isn't to put them on the spot that they give you
an explanation or that they apologize but instead to just kind of get the ball rolling
again. To show them that hey, I'm not worrying too much about it, let's keep talking, let's
keep this moving forward. Now for many of you, I'm sure coming up with different conversation
topics doesn't feel all that natural, it can be difficult sometimes, it can be awkward,
you may just run out of things to say, that's why I put together my 20 ice breaker conversation
starters. These are 20 different conversation topics you can bring up with your crush or
with anyone you're talking to: friends, people in your class, anyone that you want to kind
of get to know better. These conversation topics really dive deeper into learning more
about that person, what they like, what they're interested in, what their hobbies are so I
would definitely recommend checking it out. And the third major texting mistake that a
lot of people make is that they're a little bit too passive when it comes to making plans.
Instead of actually being direct and setting a time and date to hang out, you leave things
more open-ended, you say things like this. "Hey, you're a really fun person to talk to.
We should definitely hang out sometime. Hit me up whenever you're free". And saying something
like that, you're never gonna actually hang out with that person. Why? Well, because you
never actually set anything up. All you did was talk about setting something up and then
you put it in their court, hey when YOU'RE free, let ME know so that we can make plans.
Nothing is ever going to come of that. That's why when you're making plans with your crush,
it's important to be as direct as possible. That way they know that you're actually setting
something up. There's accountability there. If they choose to not do it they know that
they're letting you down, they know that they're actually breaking plans rather than breaking
a soft idea of "maybe" hanging out. "Hey, you're a lot of fun to talk to. Tell you what,
this Friday you and me, let's grab something to eat after school. What's your favorite
type of food?". Using that as an example, you can tell that there's intent behind your
words. You want to meet up on a specific day at a specific time and do a specific thing
with them. That way they can give you an actual and honest answer instead of this kind of
wishy, washy one of like "haha we'll get together sometime". Direct plans will always trump
open-ended invites. That's why it's so important to learn as much as you can about that person
because the more that you get to see where your personalities overlap, the easier it's
going to be for you to make actual direct plans with them based on what they two of
you want to do and what the two of you enjoy. I know these texting mistakes may seem simple
in nature but trust me, a lot of people make them and that's why they end up kind of ruining
the situation with the person they're texting. They forget that the person on the other side
wants to feel like you're engaged, wants to feel like you care about them, wants to feel
like the conversation is going somewhere so if you can avoid making these mistakes you
will greatly increase your chances of actually having a deeper conversation with them. I'm
curious though, what do you think? What are some of the major hurdles that you personally
run into whenever you're trying to text someone? Does the conversation run dry? Do you run
out of things to say? Do you just feel like you don't actually have an opening to start
a conversation with them? Leave your answers down below and we'll talk about it. And if
you still feel like texting really isn't your strong suit, definitely check out the video
I have listed over there. That's going to break down how to deal with someone ghosting
you and just not responding at all. How to get them more engaged in the conversation
so it actually goes somewhere. Also, I want to give a huge shoutout to my patrons, I'm
gonna link them up over there. Thank you guys so much for supporting the channel and being
a part of this amazing community. On that note guys, I'll catch you next time. As always,
love and peace.