[laughter]
God, the moment I saw you last night in the club,
totally had to ask you out.
Are you kidding me? Like, the moment?
- Oh, yeah. - That's so sweet.
And I was actually afraid that you were going to be, like,
one of those high-maintenance chicks, you know?
- What? - Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I don't know. Control freak or-- I don't even know.
Oh, my God. That's so funny.
Isn't it?
Is it? Is it funny? Is it funny?
No. I'm, like, I totally just like to be just easygoing.
- Yeah, yeah. - Hi, I'm Wayne.
- I'll be your waiter. - It's been five minutes
and we're just now getting our menus?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
Be better.
Right. Okay. I'll be better.
At your job.
[tense music]
Thank you.
So, yeah, my philosophy is pretty much like,
keep it chill.
Right, yeah, yeah.
You know what I like about you?
- No, what? - It's like you're not afraid
to be, like, brainy and respectful.
Right. Thanks.
I really like your boobs.
[chuckles]
I think we really complement each other well.
We just did it right there.
And, uh, I pretty much go with the flow.
Right, right.
What the [bleep] is wrong with you?
Excuse me?
Do I look like Mad Max to you?
I-I'm sorry?
Do I look like Mel Gibson with a mullet?
I...
no, not at all.
Does he look like a feral child
with a boomerang in his hand?
No.
Then why the [bleep] is water a rare commodity here?
It's--it's not. I'm just, uh--
[fake laughing]
I'm sorry. I'm just really slammed.
No, you'll know when you're slammed
because your nuts will be on the table
and my fists will be covered in your blood.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Um...
You were, uh...
like, kind of harsh to that guy.
Oh, him?
- Yeah. - No.
I was a hostess at a restaurant.
In the industry, that's how we talk to each other.
I'll show you. Hey!
Uh, hey.
What do you see there?
That's your water.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Down.
Down?
Down, boy. Get on your knees.
Okay, I have other tables that I have...
What does that look like to you?
Yes, there's a little lipstick on your glass.
- Okay. - But it...
Megan, it's your--it's yours--
This is what I want you to do.
I want you to take this glass into the back.
I want you to break it,
take the biggest shard you can find, and bring it to me.
I'm...
Then I want to slit your gullet.
All right, I'm just-- I'll get you another water--
I'm going to slit your throat and watch you bleed out,
and I'm going to shower in your blood.
All right, I'll... I'll get another water.
Well, that would be great. Thank you.
But as I was saying, like,
I just feel like it's like do unto others.
Megan!
It was your lipstick on the glass.
[dramatic music]
What the hell is that? What are you doing?
Wait. Wait, no, no, no, no.
Oh, man.
Let me just tell you,
no one's ever talked to me like that in my life.
I'm just saying that your lipstick--
You have his back?
Who does that?
It was your lipstick on the glass.
He's just a waiter.
You know what? Take his side.
- I'm not-- - And I hope you have
a very happy life together.
Megan.
What's going on right now?
What are you...?
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- Seriously, Megan-- - No!
No.
Megan! You left your jacket!
- Hey, you left your jacket! - Hey. Hey, hey.
Don't do it.
Man, I just hurt her feelings, and then she left her jacket.
The least I could do is give her back her jacket.
Don't do it. Don't do it.
- She [bleep] needs this jacket. - She does not need it.
It's 87 degrees out. You know she doesn't need it.
In your heart of hearts you know she doesn't need that jacket.
Don't do it.
I think she's going to need her jacket.
No, she's not going to need it. She's not gonna need it.
Megan, you left your jacket, though!
♪ ♪
Seemed like a nice guy.