(upbeat music)
- So then Billy Franchaze asked me out
and I was like, "As if."
(laughing)
- [Mom] Hey ladies,
I've got some pizza bagels for your sleepover!
Fun, right?
- [Son] Ah, mom! There is pepperoni on all of them.
I cannot eat that, I am a vegetarian.
(upbeat music)
- Well, since when?
- Since forever!
You don't even know me.
Meat is murder.
You get out!
- I'll just leave them in case you change your mind.
Have fun girls!
(girls chattering goodbye)
- I love all animals!
It's just my thing, I guess.
(dog barking)
Blondi!
(laughing)
- Oh my god, what a cute puppy!
(kissing)
(upbeat music)
- [Hitler] Blondi is like my best, favorite friend.
Sorry ladies, but he sleeps with me every night.
- [Friend] Oh, Hitler!
Did you get into Mrs. Davis' Art class?
- No.
But like, I didn't even want to get into it anyway.
I thought it would stifle my creativity.
(upbeat music)
- You're honestly, already so good.
I wish I was as good as you.
- Yeah, that would be cool.
Oh, I have the best idea ever!
Let's have ourselves a seance.
(clapping)
I'm just, like, very much into the occult right now.
I've given up on church.
It's just, like, complete bullshit.
(ominous music)
Okay, okay focus our energies, alright.
Spirits
will I be famous?
Yes! Yes I knew it!
Goddammit, I knew it!
- Yes!
- You know, honestly, I was thinking about
dropping out of school completely.
No one understands me.
My struggle is so hard.
(dramatic music)
I think I best explain it in an excerpt from ...
Oh no, my diary!
- [Boy] Looking for this, Hitler?
- You little fuck, give that back!
- German Austria must be restored
to the great German motherland, ooh!
(kissing)
- Stop it! Get out of my room!
- This used to be my room!
- I needed it for an evil plan!
I have a lot of stuff.
- Not fair!
Mom, why does Hitler get the bigger room?!
- Such a buttfucker.
I am so embarrassed.
I wish I could travel back in time
and kill myself as a baby.
(girls gasping)
- [Friend] Oh, Hitler! Don't say that!
You'll never not be cool.
- Yeah?
You girls are the best thing a Hitler could ask for.
Bring it in!
(phone chiming)
Oh, hold on! I've got to take this.
- [Friend #2] Oh no, Hitler!
Are you hanging out with Stalin again?
He's so hot and cold.
- Shut up!
I don't even like him.
I'm just using him to get to Poland.
(girls squealing)
- Good, because you're better than him.
- Yeah.
- Honestly, I feel like I'm better than everyone.
Right?
- Yeah.
- Right?
- Yeah.
- Right.
- Hi, I'm Siobhan from CollegeHumor.
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and click here for more fun stuff,
ya filthy animals!
I was abandoned in this office
when I was 10 years old by my parents.
I've only eaten pizza for such a long time.
I think I have scurvy?