Translator: sann tint Reviewer: Peter van de Ven
I knew I was different
since I was three years old.
I was interested in make up,
and I loved to play in my mother's beauty salon.
My name is Mogok Pauk Pauk,
and I'm a fashion designer.
Some might even say I am quite successful.
Perhaps,
that is not what I or others imagined for me,
a girl, who grew up in a provincial town in Myanmar,
who was actually a boy when she was born.
I know some of you are wondering,
and let's talk about that question on your mind.
I'm gay, I'm transgender:
is it difficult for people like me?
Well, perhaps, at the beginning.
It was a good thing
that I knew I was different.
Some people don't know.
Some people don't know or are in denial,
that's even harder.
I am also aware of the fact
that my being different brought shame to my family.
And I also wanted them
to have a sense of pride because of me.
School was not that easy.
I got teased a lot by other boys,
bullied even.
I was crying a lot of the time.
To add to that, you know,
what the education system is like here,
children are not allowed to decide what they actually want to do.
When I was in high school, because of my marks,
I was automatically put into study science.
Sciences: biology, physics, chemistry.
I knew I had no interest in any of it.
My family wanted me to get a university degree,
and go into the traditional Mogk professions of gems trading.
But I was not interested in that either.
The blessing in disguise came in the form of riots
that caused schools to be closed across the country.
I dropped out,
and at the age of 17, I left home.
That was a turning point for me.
I have always held the belief
that if you can make your living
out of what you are passionate about,
life will be a lot more fulfilling.
In fact,
I knew I did not want to compromise my passion.
It gave me a clear idea of what I wanted to do in life.
I also knew that in life you have to try hard.
I learned English, I learned to be make-up artist,
and I loved what I did.
I was a miserable schoolchild,
where I felt there was no hope.
After finding my passion and interests,
I became active, energetic, and confident.
The change was profound.
Of course, being who I am,
I cannot do what I want.
I have to be restrained on the personal front.
I cannot just go out to the restaurant with my boyfriend.
I cannot dress how I want.
But that's fine.
I understand, in certain places,
I will be laughed at, or not accepted.
So I simply avoid those places.
In certain events, I have to dress in a certain way,
so I do.
It is about controlling my lifestyle
so that I do not provoke a reaction from others
that could be hurtful.
Another turning point for me was Milan.
I always wanted to study abroad,
and the chance came when I was 30.
I had an acquaintance who was kind enough
to research fashion study programs for me.
I didn't even know how to use a computer,
but I taught myself,
so I can go online
and look at courses.
I chose to go to Milan.
In Milan, my eyes opened to the world of haute couture.
We didn't even have anything like that in Myanmar.
When I came back,
I instinctively understood
that Myanmar's haute couture has to be our traditional textiles,
especially "Achaik".
It coincided with a time
that a friend gave me a book on vintage "Achaik" patterns.
It sparked my creativity.
Back then, "Achaik" popularity had fallen.
Brides still wore it, of course.
But, mostly older women wore it to attend weddings.
Younger women were attracted to other types of fabrics.
On the weaving side as well,
there was an injustice going on.
Weavers only earned 10,000 kyat per piece,
after spending hours of hand weaving these garments.
When retailed 300,000 kyat on average.
Not only was it not fair,
it was making the weavers opt for easier patterns.
When I came back with my design,
I encouraged the weavers by paying them more.
So, they will spend time
weaving the more intricate patterns.
Now, whole villages, even men,
are involved in weaving, hand-weaving,
because it provides a good livelihood.
And "Achaik" has been revitalized with both old and young women,
loving it and wearing it.
Not only that,
the whole Myanmar traditional textile industry is thriving,
and that is very encouraging to see.
I wanted to preserve tradition,
but I understood that preserving tradition
also means to modernize it,
I was criticized a lot.
Some people said that the gays are ruining tradition.
This was a time when Myanmar was still quite closed in many ways.
When I first returned in 2006,
there was not much to do in Mandalay, where I was living at that time.
I understood that if I wanted to pursue fashion,
I needed to move to Yangon.
I had already been doing fashion shows since 1996 in Mandalay.
So I started organizing fashion shows of my designs.
I was naive,
and didn't know about the rules,
or that they are sometimes arbitrary.
One time, the authority said
that I had organized a fashion show without the required permits.
That was a just a small show with 200 attendees,
but they threw me in prison for a month.
That was a hard lesson.
My journey has not been easy,
but I can't say it was especially difficult either.
It's life.
The biggest lesson I have learned that I can pass on to you
is that you have to find a place that is fitting for you,
a place where you can make your passion also your profession.
And that...
you have to have faith in your life
and keep pursuing your dreams.
My desire to educate myself and pursue my passions,
took me from Mogok to Mandalay, and to Myanmar.
Perhaps, one day, it will take me to the world.
(Applause)