(trickling)
(heavy sigh)
(door handle jiggling)
- Occupied.
Someone's pooping, someones pooping, I'm pooping.
(ambient jazz plays in background)
- Must be nice to never have a line.
- Yeah, it is.
(long heavy sigh)
(beep)
- [Mans Voice From Bathroom]Yes. That's what I'm doing.
- [Second Man] Yeah. We figured, man.
- [Man From Bathroom] I am excreting
(beep) from my rectum.
- Do you think somebody's in there?
- I mean we could knock.
- Nah
(stomp stomp)
(thud)
(woman in bathroom screams)
- [Woman In Bathroom] Oh my God! I'm having a hard time!
I have a UTI and the cranberry juice
has not kicked in yet!
- It's occupied.
- Oh is it?
- Yea
(woman in bathroom yelling)
- Are you sure?
- [Woman In Bathroom] I Feel so violated!
(door clicks shut)
- Ooh
Oh no.
Oh my God.
(inhales)
Okay.
Okay please, please, please,
please be good, please be good.
Please, please, please.
(labored breathing)
Stay, sta-
Oh no! Oh no! No!
(door knob jiggling)
I'm still in here. I'm not, I'm not done pooping yet.
(jiggling knob intensifies)
Please stop, I'm not done yet.
Stop it! Someone in here!
I'm in here still.
(knob aggressively jiggling)
Leave me alone!
Go away right now! Stop!
Stop shaking the handle!
(woman groans deeply)
- [Woman groaning] Ah, oo , ow ow ow,
oh god, oh god, ooh
Oh I can't breathe , I can't breathe, oooh.
Go!
Awooooga!
Hubbabubba bubba bubba
(crescendoing pitch) ooh
All right, I got to go to the bathroom.
Love you, grandma.
AAAAAHHHH! YA, YA, YA, YA, YA!
YAAHHHH!
(toilet flushes)
(paper towel crinkles)
- I'm all done if you want to get in there.
- Nah, it's all good.
- [Boss] Oh history day, my favorite day.
Oh gosh, they all look so good.
All right, who wants one?
Tony? Tony pastry?
Pastry?
No?
(food thuds in trash)
- Excuse me.
Hi. Sorry um.
Do you have any toilet paper?
- [Woman In Bathroom] Me?
Yes I have lots.
- Oh, okay. Can I have some of my dispensers empty?
- You used all your toilet paper?
- No, I just, there wasn't any in here to start.
- Then why did you pick that stall?
- Well, I didn't know there wasn't any, when I picked it.
Can I, can I just have some?
- That's quite the tone to take with someone
from whom you need toilet paper.
- [internal dialog man one]Your mom says Hello.
- [internal dialog man two] Your mom says you (bleep) you.
- [internal dialog man three] Derrick took a
fat (bleep) here.
- [Internal dialog man Four] (bleep) you Derrick!
- Derek's not going to be happy about that.
- [Internal dialog Woman One] You're stronger than
they want you to know.
- [Internal dialog woman two] We are more
than who's hurt us.
- [Internal dialog man three] Derek also took
a fat (bleep) here.
- [Internal dialog man four] (bleep) you Derrick!
- Derrick's nasty.
(crying)
(sobbing)
(gently jiggles handle)
- I guess it's locked.
No, I'll try it again.
(knob squeaking)
- Oh, you can cut in front of me if you want.
I'm going to poop.
- How can you poop in an office bathroom?
I would never.
- You would never do a natural thing?
We all know that we all do in the room that
was built for it?
I just don't poop in public.
- So you just kind of let your poop stew in you all day?
sitting in there like a stinky ass
brick until you go home to drop the bomb. Doesn't that hurt?
Yes. Excruciating.
And how often do you almost not make it?
Every single day.
So that seems more convenient to you than just like clopping
one out in the office poop room on company time?
You know, we all poop Billy.
Be scarier if you didn't.
Damn, you just gave me a lot to think about.
Maybe think about it over a good poop.
Like right now.
Can you guys hurry up? I'm prairie doggin'.
Oh, you know, you should go before us.
Oh yeah. He's actually-
- Go for it.
- Did you smell that?
Oh my God, wear your mask.
Oh, don't say that, he's the CEO.
He smells like (beep).
(beep tone)
- That seems good.
Oh, that's great.
Cool. I'm going to find-(panics)
(laughing)
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me? No!
(beep tone)
You're stronger than they want you to know.
That is right.
Sorry.
(laughing)
(beep tone)
- [Woman In Bathroom] I am hurting! I just need
to die alone! Okay?!
I wore a romper in the hall!
So yes, you see my ass!
I am fully naked!
Can't I just have this please?!
- [Director] Cut! Cut!
(laughing)
- [Director] That was so funny.