[Music]
hi I'm Jimmy Kimmel
I'm Jimmy Kimmel I try to say my name
twice out loud every day now so I don't
forget it which is especially important
on what might be the most forgetful day
of the year it's 4/20 not only is it
4:20 it's for 2020 this day is so stoned
it's repeating itself between 4/20 and
all the bread people are making this
country has never been more baked than
we are today
unfortunately health experts say smoking
pot during the virus crisis is not a
good idea can irritate the lungs and
make you more susceptible to illness and
also you might eat all the food you
hoarded do we even need marijuana
anymore I mean everybody sitting on the
couch watching Netflix and wondering
what day it is already later on we will
be joined by the Santa Claus of 4/20
mister Snoop Dogg assuming he can get
his computer open you know on Saturday
night I was part of a special that aired
all over the worlds called one world
together at home I co-hosted with Jimmy
Fallon and Stephen Colbert raised 128
million dollars for Cova 19 relief and
there were some great musical
performances from Paul McCartney Lady
Gaga Eddie Vedder Taylor Swift but to me
the MVP of the night was the 78 year old
drummer for The Rolling Stones Charlie
watch you watch him closely here because
somehow Charlie managed to play the
drums without making contact with
anything at all
[Music]
I assumed he was aware he didn't have
any drums at 4:20 comes in earlier in
England I think and while being involved
in a special of that magnitude was an
honor for sure the real excitement for
me was I made it to jeopardy kind of
bestseller 200 this late night ABC funny
man was a hit with kids recently with
his book about the serious goose in a
beer who is Jimmy Fallon close enough in
the beer this is week six or seven or
eight or nine of the stay at home order
I don't know all I know is my kids have
had enough we sat our family down for
like our 340 of dinner and a row
together last night and our son Billy
said no I want to get in the car and eat
at the store specifically wanted to eat
a Chucky Cheese which I would consider
at this point that's an essential
business right people are getting
restless especially people who are too
bright in Florida on Saturday
I saw the hashtag Florida morons was
trending and I told well that could mean
a lot of things but what it meant was
this the governor of Florida reopened
the beach in Jacksonville and of course
no one followed the rules fortunately
there are no old people living in
Florida who might be at risk so the
governor of Georgia is planning to
reopen tattoo parlors and bowling alleys
this week which I think that's on their
state flag right and thousands of
Americans in more than a dozen states
have gathered to protest stay at home
not too far from us in Huntington Beach
this brave woman fought passionately for
her right to all 31 flavors there was
some very creative signs that
Illustrated this plight many are
experiencing so powerfully like I need a
haircut
massage is essential jesus is my vaccine
and Buddha is my personal trainer I
think I know in Denver Colorado there
was standoff between protesters and an
angry healthcare worker
[Music]
well you know what they say it ain't
over till the fat lady screams crazy
right wing talking points at a medical
professional who's trying to save their
family's lives a big reason why these
protests are gaining steam is because
our president is encouraging them
despite everyone who works for him
telling people to stay at home despite
the official White House mandate being
shelter in place over the weekend the
guy who runs the White House tweeted
liberate Michigan liberate Minnesota and
liberate Virginia this from a man who
refuses to even liberate Milania it
really is irresponsible to the most
unbelievable degree to be saying things
one minute he tells us to stay at home
and the next minute he says this people
feel that way you're allowed to protest
I mean think they feel that way i watch
the protest and they were all six feet
apart that made it was a very orderly
group of people right right let's take a
look at that orderly group of people who
gathered in Austin Texas to chant fire
doctor foul Chi if he thinks those
people were six feet apart it might
explain why he thinks his hands are
normal-sized I get that people need to
go back to work I do but the point of
stay at home is to get a lid on this so
we can get back to work and then stay at
work I'm sorry you think these
characters who support Trump might be
suicidal they seem to fight hardest for
the things that will kill them they want
freedom to gather in large groups during
an epidemic they want guns they want
pollution I figured it up they want to
die and they're taking us down with them
it's like if the Titanic was headed
towards the iceberg and half of the
passengers were like can you please
speed this thing up but our president
has full confidence that what these
protesters are doing is not a problem
are you concerned though that people
coming out in
are going to spread Kovac to other
people they're congregating in ways that
health experts know they should not know
these are people expressing their views
I see where they are and I see the way
they're working they seem to be very
responsible people to me yes yes they
are very to respond they are very
responsible for spreading a deadly virus
he always manages to find the good in
people though he really seems to be
loving holding these press conferences
every day rambling on about nothing
taking credit for everything that there
are plenty of tests plenty of
ventilators so many ventilators he would
even send some to Iran on Friday his
prep conference went on for an hour 45
minutes an hour and eight minutes on
Saturday and on Sunday an hour and a
half but every one of them he filled the
important information like when he took
time to explain the difference between a
swab and a q-tip this is what it's about
right is it does it remind you of
something your mind you this right once
a swab once a q-tip it's actually
different it's very sophisticated
actually but it's a little bit like so
this is the swamp I think I speak for
all of us when I say that was the worst
magic trick I've ever seen I think he
always has a q-tip in his pocket the
reason for whatever that was is Trump
finally invoked the defense production
Act to order businesses to manufacture
more swabs a shortage of which are
holding up tests he alternates between
saying there are no shortages of
anything and that the shortages are the
governor's fault literally everything he
accuses others of he does himself to the
court were you like this has to be some
kind of weird compulsion like if he
criticized Flavor Flav for wearing a
clock around his neck and a grill the
next day someone would find this
photograph and he'd act like it never
happened
you remember a guy named hunter Biden
you may recall the President had some
concerns about him getting paid because
his father was vice president well turns
out the Trump campaign has been paying
the wife and girlfriend of Trump's sons
$180,000 a year a piece those donations
people make to his maggot campaign
$30,000 a month of that goes to Lara
Trump and kimberly guilfoyle
I guess makes sense did we really expect
a woman to date Donald Trump jr. for
free