>> Jesse: IMAGINE WHAT WOULD
HAPPEN IF "JESSE WATTERS
PRIMETIME" SENT PRODUCERS TO
CAPITOL HILL TO HARASS THE
DEMOCRATS.
SAY I SENT MY ASSISTANT JOHNNY
TO BANG ON NANCY PELOSI’ DOOR OR
SCREAM AT AOC WHILE SHE IS
RECORDING A TIKTOK VIDEO?
JOHNNY IS COMPLETELY UNLEASHED
WITHOUT ANY SUPERVISION JUST
TERRORIZING EVERY LIBERAL WHO
GETS IN HIS WAY.
HE MAY EVEN HAVE A PUPPET THAT
HE IS FOISTING IN PEOPLE’S
FACES.
I THINK THAT’S THE LAST TIME WE
WOULD EVER SEE JOHNNY ALIVE.
MANY PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY LIKE
THAT BUT I WOULD NEED A NEW
ASSISTANT.
THE OUTRAGE FROM THE DEMOCRATS
AND THE MEDIA WOULD BE
HUMONGOUS.
THEY WOULD THROW JOHNNY IN
SOLITARY, PROBABLY SHACKLE HIM.
THEY WOULD NEED VERY SMALL
SHACKLES THOUGH BECAUSE JOHNNY’S
LEG ARE VERY SKINNY.
HIS TAN FACE WOULD BE PLASTERED
ALL OVER CNN AND MSNBC.
THEY WOULD DOX HIS FAMILY POOR,
POOR MRS. BELL SARAIO.
MEANWHILE POOR JOHNNY SLEEPING
ON A COLD CONCRETE FLOOR.
DINEY ONE MEAL A DAY THROUGH
THAT TINY SLOT.
WORST OF ALL, NO ONE ON THE
INSIDE TO STEAM HIS SHIRT.
JOHNNY WOULD NEVER SURVIVE UNDER
THESE CONDITIONS.
BUT THE MEDIA AND THE LEFT WOULD
BE PERFECTLY FINE WITH JOHNNY
BEHIND BARS.
IN FACT, THEY WOULD PROBABLY
CELEBRATE IT AS A VICTORY FOR
DEMOCRACY.
YOU SEE, JOHNNY DOES NOT HAVE
LIBERAL PRIVILEGE.
SO HE HAS GOT TO WATCH HIS BACK.
HE CAN’T JUST STAGE A COMEDY
KOOP AND GET AWAY WITH IT.
ONLY DEMOCRATS ARE ALLOWED TO DO
THAT LIKE STEPHEN COLBERT AND
HIS DOG FACE PUPPET SOLDIER
TRIUMPH.
COLBERT INCITED A INSURRECTION
LAST WEEK OR AS CHUCK SCHUMER
WOULD SAY INSURRECTION WHEN HE
SENT A MOB OF PEOPLE TO BREACH
THE CAPITOL BUILDING TO HARASS
MEMBERS OF CONGRESS AND
INTIMIDATE THEM AND PREVENT THEM
FROM DOING THEIR CONGRESSIONAL
DUTY.
THEY SUCCEEDED THANKS TO ADAM
SCHIFF AND ANOTHER DEMOCRAT
NAMED JAKE OUCHEN CLOSE.
GOGET SUNNI TIGHT, THE DEMOCRAT
MACHINE IMMEDIATELY KICKED INTO
GEAR.
NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
NO MUG SHOTS, NO SURVEILLANCE
VIDEO.
NOTHING AND THEY GOT TO GO HOME.
BECAUSE, AS YOU KNOW BY NOW,
IT’S DEMOCRAT WHEN A DEMOCRAT
COMMITS A CRIME.
THEY THINK IT’S FUNNY.
WATCH.
>> HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED LAST
WEEK I HEARD FROM MY OLD
COLLEAGUE TRIUMPH THE INSULT
COMIC DOG.
[LAUGHTER]
TRIUMPH OFFERED TO GO DOWN TO
D.C. AND INTERVIEW SOME CONGRESS
PEOPLE TO HIGHLIGHT THE
JANUARY 6TH HEARINGS.
AFTER THEY FINISHED THEIR
INTERVIEWS, THEY WERE DOING SOME
LAST-MINUTE PUPPET TRI AND JOEY
MAKE THEM UP IN THE HALLWAY WHEN
TRIUMPH AND APPROACHED AND
DETAINED BY THE CAPITOL POLICE.
THIS IS FIRST DEGREE PUPPETRY.
HIGH JINX.
IN THIS CASE A PUPPET DOING
PUPPET STUFF.
>> Jesse: SEE, THEY THINK IT’S
FUNNY.
THIS ISN’T THE FIRST TIME THEY
PULLED A STUNT LIKE THIS.
WE LEARNED TODAY THAT A MAN WHO
WORKS FOR CONGRESSMAN TIMOTHY
HIGHSEN.
HERE IS JOHNNY.
WAS CAUGHT ON CAMERA BACK IN
DIFFERENT INSTANCES FROM JANUARY
TO MARCH VANDALIZING REPUBLICAN
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE’S OFFICE.
YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T HEAR MUCH
ABOUT THAT.
BUT NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE CHECKED
WITH THE DOJ.
THEY HAVE NO PLANS TO PROSECUTE
HIM.
THE LIBERAL PRIVILEGE KICKED IN.
THE U.S. ATTORNEY’S OFFICE IN
D.C., THE SAME ONE WHO IS
BRINGING CHARGES AGAINST JANUARY
SCHIFF’S FORMER BAG MAN A PASS.
THEY ONLY PROSECUTE CONSERVATIVE
CRIMINALS NOW.
SO IF KEVIN McCARTHY SENT AN
AIDE TO, YOU KNOW, T.P. ILHAN
OMAR’S OFFICE IN THE MIDDLE OF
THE NIGHT, OBVIOUSLY A HATE
CRIME, HE WOULD BE IN THE GULAG
WITH THE REST OF THE
DEPLORABLES.
A DOUBLE STANDARD IS STARK.
THEY REFUSE TO CHARGE LIBERALS
OR RELEASE THEIR MUG SHOTS BUT
CONSERVATIVES, THEY GET TREATED
LIKE TED BUNDY.
WHICH IS WEIRD BECAUSE WE KNOW
HOW SERIOUS THE LEFT IS TAKING
UNLAWFUL ENTRY OF THE CAPITOL ON
JANUARY 6TH.
>> THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A BIGGER
OR MORE IMPORTANT STORY IN
AMERICAN HISTORY THAN THIS.
>> THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
STORY IN THE HISTORY OF THE
REPUBLIC.
>> IT WAS CHILLING, THE VIDEOS
WERE CHILLING AND I THINK IT’S
GOING TO BE HISTORIC.
>> YEAH.
>> THIS WAS ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE
WORSE THAN WATERGATE.
>> THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN
SOMETHING LIKE WATERGATE.
THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN
WATERGATE.
THIS IS A WATERSHED MOMENT FOR
OUR DEMOCRACY.
>> YOU DON’T INVITE TRIUMPH THE
INSULT COMIC DOG TO COVER THE
GREATEST ASSAULT ON DEMOCRACY IN
THE HISTORY OF THIS COUNTRY.
>> REPORTING FROM THE GREATEST
DELIBERATIVE BODY IN THE WORLD.
FOR ME TO POOP ON.
>> ALL RIGHT.
WE ARE SITUATED BY THE SENATE
OFFICES.
WITH NEW EVIDENCE PILING UP,
REPUBLICANS ARE WORKING TIRELESSLY TO IGNORE ALL OF IT.
TIRELESSLY TO IGNORE ALL OF IT.
OH, BOY.
[KNOCKING]
>> COME ON, IT’S YOUR OLD PAL.
SENATOR, SENATOR GRAHAM, ANOTHER
QUESTION, WHY DO YOU LIKE LIKE
EVERY GUY THAT SAW THE KATZ
ALONE?
>> Jesse: THAT’S WHO THE
DEMOCRATS WANT TO COVER THE
BIGGEST STORY IN AMERICAN
HISTORY.
A PUPPET IS YOUR CORRESPONDENT
FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT STORY IN
THE HISTORY OF THE REPUBLIC.
ADAM SCHIFF IS CONDUCTING
SO-CALLED SERIOUS HEARINGS AND
THEN STEPS OUTSIDE TO DO
INTERVIEWS WITH A DOG PUPPET?
SCHIFF WANTS TO BE LIKE SOD
BADLY THAT HE WILL DO ANYTHING
TO MAKE STEPHEN COLBERT HAPPY.
HE WAS ACTUALLY ON COLBERT’S
SHOW TWO WEEKS AGO.
>> WE ARE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS. IT WOULD BE ONE THING IF WHAT
IT WOULD BE ONE THING IF WHAT
STARTED ON JANUARY 6TH OR DEMOCR
INSTIGATORS CAN STILL JUST WALTZ
RIGHT INTO THE CAPITOL AND
INTIMIDATE MEMBERS OF CONGRESS.
AND OUR COLBERT CONSPIRING THE
PRESS THE CBS PRODUCER’S MUG
SHOTS FROM BEING RELEASED BY
CAPITOL POLICE?
IT WOULDN’T BE THE FIRST TIME
SCHIFF COLLUDED WITH THE MEDIA
TO PUSH A POLITICAL AGENDA.
WHILE WE WORK ON GETTING THOSE
FOR YOU, WE HAVE COMMISSIONED A
MUGSHOT OF TRIUMPH, THE INSULT
COMIC DOG.
WE IMAGINE THIS IS WHAT HE
LOOKED LIKE AT THE TIME OF HIS
ARREST.
"PRIMETIME" WON’T STOP DEMANDING
THE CAPITOL POLICE MAKE THE
ACTUAL MUG SHOTS PUBLIC.
AND YOU CAN HELP US, TOO.
YOU CAN REACH THE HEAD OF
CAPITOL POLICE JAY THOMAS MANGER
THERE ON THE SCREEN
202-224-1677.
BE POLITE.
BUT MAYBE HE WILL TAKE YOUR
CALLS BECAUSE HE IS STONEWALLING
FOX.
BUT WHO KNOWS HOW LONG IT WILL
BE OR EVEN IF WE GET THE MUG
SHOTS BECAUSE THE LEFT PLAYS BY
A DIFFERENT SET OF RULES.
WHEN A DEMOCRAT COMMITS A CRIME
IT GETS SCRUBBED.
THEY ARE ACTUALLY PRESUMED
INNOCENT.
DEMOCRATS HAVE THESE D.A.S IN
THEIR POCKETS.
THEY ARE ALL POLITICAL ANIMALS.
LOOK WHAT IS HAPPENING IN
CALIFORNIA RIGHT NOW.
WE HAVE BIG PAULY’S MUGSHOT BUT
IT WAS LIKE PULLING TEETH.
LIKE A THREE CARD MONTY DEALING
WITH THESE PEOPLE.
THEY ARE STILL STONEWALLING ON
THE DASH CAM VIDEO.
THEY ARE TREATING THIS LIKE THE
FOOTAGE, LIKE IT WAS A SEX TAPE.
WAIT, IS IT A SEX TAPE?
WE DON’T KNOW BECAUSE THEY WON’T
SHOW US WHAT HAPPENED.
PROVE ME WRONG, NAP NAPOLEON PA
COUNTY D.A. THAT PAUL PELOSI AT
ANY TIME HAVE SOMEONE ELSE IN
HIS PORSCHE THAT NIGHT.
IF THIS WAS LAUREN BOSHT’S
HUSBAND FAILING A FIELD SOBRIETY
TEST IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LOOPED
ON MSNBC FOR DAYS.
ACCORDING TO CALIFORNIA HIGHWAY
PATROL, ALL RECORDS ARE BEING
WITHHELD PURSUANT TO GOVERNMENT
CODE SECTION 6254.
THAT’S A PROVISION THAT ALLOWS
THEM TO BURY EVIDENCE AT THE
VICTIM’S REQUEST.
IS PAULY P. THE VICTIM?
DID HE ASK CALIFORNIA HIGHWAY
PATROL AND THE NAPA COUNTY D.A.
TO COVER THIS UP?
WELL, WE ARE GOING TO FIND OUT.
A AMANDA RAY IS IN CHARGE OF
CALIFORNIA HIGHWAY PATROL.
SHE TAKES ORDERS FROM GOVERNOR
NEWSOM AND GETS PAID A PRETTY
PENNY.
RAY MAKES $267,000 A YEAR.
PRETTY SWEET GIG.
SO SHE IS PROBABLY WILLING TO DO
ANYTHING TO KEEP HER JOB.
LIKE POSSIBLY COVER UP FOR A
MEMBER OF CALIFORNIA’S ROYAL
FAMILY.
IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE THIS WHOLE
THING IS POLITICAL, JUST LOOK AT
THE SUPPOSEDLY NONPARTISAN
CHARITY MOTHERS AGAINST DRUNK
DRIVING.
IN THE PAST, MADD HAS CALLED OUT
DRUNK DRIVERS BY NAME DESCRIBING
THEM AS DANGEROUS CRIMINALS WHO
MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE.
QUOTE: NO EXCEPTIONS, NO
EXCUSES.
BUT THEY TOOK A MUCH DIFFERENT
APPROACH WITH PAPPA PAULY P.
AFTER NEARLY 20 ATTEMPTS TO
CONTACT THEM WE FINALLY HEARD
BACK TODAY.
THEY RELEASED A STATEMENT.
NOT BLASTING PAULY P. BY NAME OR
ANYTHING.
BUT, INSTEAD, SAYING THIS,
QUOTE: WE ARE AWAITING THE
OUTCOME OF THIS INVESTIGATION TO
DETERMINE NEXT STEPS.
SO THE MOMS AREN’T REALLY THAT
MAD.
THEY ARE GOING TO SIT THIS ONE
OUT.
BUT WE ARE NOT.
BECAUSE YOU DESERVE TO KNOW WHAT
REALLY HAPPENED THAT NIGHT.
DID PAPPA PAULY P. HAVE ANYBODY
ELSE IN THE CAR WITH HIM?
DID HE TRY TO BRIBE POLICE?
DID HE MAKE A PASS AT THE
ARRESTING OFFICER?
WE CAN ONLY GUESS.
SO KEEP CALLING THE CALIFORNIA
HIGHWAY PATROL COMMISSIONER AND
THE NAPA DISTRICT ATTORNEY,
NUMBER IS ON THE SCREEN RIGHT
THERE.
AGAIN, BE POLITE.
MAYBE THAT CAN HAVE AN EFFECT.
TODAY WE SERVED ALLISON HALEY,
NAPA’S D.A. AND THE BALL IS NOW
IN HER COURT.
THE CLOCK IS TICKING.
AND BY THE WAY, WHERE THE HECK
ARE ALL THE WHISTLEBLOWERS.
WE NEED GOOD, HONEST PEOPLE TO
BREAKTHROUGH ALL THE B.S. AND
RELEASE ALL THESE MUG SHOTS AND
VIDEOS THE DEMOCRATS ARE TRYING
TO HIDE.
IT’S ALMOST LIKE THIS COUNTRY
ONLY LEAKS TO THE LEFT.