“What is one characteristic you hope your daughter gets from you?
And what characteristic do you hope she gets from your wife?”
You guys are always like, building me up and then just...
How about– so what do I, for real–
I want her to get her brains, her kindness,
her work ethic, her optimism.
And then I want her to get my energy and hand-movements.
She already kind of does, she does this a lot.
“What is your go to game plan in a zombie apocalypse?
We feel like you would have a good plan of action.”
This is from Erin.
Um, well, here’s what I’m going to do.
I gotta stock up on contact lenses.
It’s the zombie apocalypse!
I gotta be ready.
I mean, technically I will have glasses, but...
I can’t be a nerd.
It’s the apocalypse so I gotta go get some Acuvues.
Wait, what? Are you– Why are you covering–
So what?
So is like, 40% of the audience.
The way you covered his face was like,
“No, he’s gonna die!”
What’s your prescription?
I’m a negative 6.5 in one eye, Negative 8 in this one.
Don’t judge me!
That’s why I’m saying I can’t lose my glasses in the
Zombie Apocalypse.
I gotta stay– I gotta be able to do this.
That’s a great question, you know, I went in for an appointment,
I went in for a consultation, and the lasik doctor
was wearing glasses.
And I was like “Nah.”
And I was like, “Why haven’t you gotten lasik?”
And she’s like, “Well we don’t know everything about–”
And I’m like, “I’m out. I’m not even gonna do this.”
She had glasses, that’s bad.
That’s like, not a good ad for lasik surgery.
Yeah.
How long do you think I’d last? I think I would die pretty fast.
To be quite honest. You think I’d last?
Make the zombies laugh?
So they’d be like, “*snarls* Ahhh, that’s really funny.”
I need my crew.
The zombie apocalypse is about having your crew.
Like, uh...
Who’s your core crew? Is this the crew?
Yeah.
And then– You’re just solo?
Oh, I’m sorry.
Alright, you guys are the zombie apocalypse crew.
What strengths are you bringing to the table?
Run fast. What do you think?
Just run? It’s not just speed!
You have to have strategy, you have to have trustworthiness.
You gotta be recourseful.
You can climb trees?
Well, it depends– I mean this– we can get deep, there’s
a lot of different zombie mythology, there’s like
There’s some zombies that can walk through ocean,
they can actually go under water.
‘Cause my whole thing is, if they can’t go into water,
you get to the island and then you secure the island.
I’ve thought this through.
I also have to travel with people that I’m like, I really need.
So I’d travel with my barber.
He’s like lining me up.
Yeah.
I think you have to get to a Costco and secure the Costco.
Say what?
I know, or go on a cruise. Aw, that’s awful!
What if the only thing available was the Kid Rock cruise?
(I’d rather die.)
You’re like, “Just bring me to the zombies.”
What do you think? Over / under, how long you’d last?
A couple weeks?
Full on– full zombie apocalypse, the whole country?
That’s such a dude thing, by the way, we’re like,
“I’d last like, a few months.”
Every single one of my guy friends that I talk to,
They’re like, “Look, I’m not just gonna do something stupid
like, just go down the hallway, or just get eaten by–”
I don’t know man, I don’t think I would last that long.
“What’s the worst fad you have ever participated in?”
This is from Kush.
Is Kush here?
What’s the worst fad you’ve participated in?
White sneakers?
Are you serious?
Yo, you know what’s crazy?
This show– This show,
This whole Q&A thing has turned into a full on roast session.
This is bullshit, this is, honestly,
I do this out of like, the love for you guys.
This has turned into a family situation,
You’re taking photos when you shouldn’t,
It’s totally– like, this is what I’m talking about guys!
I open it up, two weeks straight,
I get roasted about my pockets!
I’m joking, White sneak– you don’t like the white sneaks?
Alright, we’re good, we’re good,
I was wrong, we’re good.
White sneakers are whack? They’re not cool?
i thought like, crispy white–
Are white – Let me ask, are white sneakers not cool?
I thought white sneakers were cool.
Yeah, mutiny! Zombie Apocalypse!
This side versus this side!
I’m joking.
Alright, can I tell you the one I did?
I did puka shells in middle school.
That was bad. That was really bad.
It was a phase.
Puka shells are like...
How would you describe puka shells? It was like...
Like these, like, white shells around your neck.
They’re called VSCO girls?
So that was a thing at your school, too?
Now? It’s back?
Oh shit.
I’m sorry. You know what?
We’re all in these like, transition periods in our life.
This is a no judgment zone.
What else did I– You know the fad that I wanted to do?
I wanted to bleach my hair.
Yeah, come on!
For real, I didn’t end up doing it, I’m too much of a coward.
Don’t you think– But it could fuck up fast.
You could be like Neymar,
or like Guy Fieri, like it could...
If not executed well, you could...
So it’s good that I didn’t like, just bleach the top part?
What if I came out and I was like, being really serious,
I’m like, “Guys, we have to talk about insulin prices.”
and I’m just...
I’m Marshall Mathers from here up.
I did gel pens, but I still love gel pens.
Gel pens are great.
What’s your favorite gel pen?
Oh, there’s a specific year?
Respect.
Wow!
Everyone’s like, “make this guy president!”
Those are great, those are great.
My favorite is the uniball vision elite.
That’s my favorite pen.
Oh, that’s fancy?
I don’t pay for it, the show does.
I do a lot of things where I’m just like,
“order 70 more pens.” They’re like, “Do you need them?”
I’m like, “Yes, I do.”
You steal stuff from work, right?
The Key is, you gotta do it slowly.
Siphon it off.
That’s how I’m going to last in the zombie apocalypse.
Everyone’s gonna be like, “You have the shit?”
and I’m like, “I got a lot of… pens.”
Alright. “If you made a Tinder what would your bio be?”
This is from Laura.
Alright this is a trap.
You know I’m married with– I have a baby.
“If you made a Tinder–” is Laura here?
Okay.
Laura, this is a strange question. Are you on Tinder?
Okay.
Why the–
Just a creative question.
I would– does anyone have a Tinder?
I would love to do their bio, if anyone wants me to do their bio.
You want me to do it? I’ll do it right now.
Let’s do it.
Yes. Yeah I’ll do it. I’ll change your–
I can change your bio?
Yeah.
Really?
Alright, let me see it.
Alright, there’s no like, super private information here?
Okay. Alright, here we go.
Techno, let’s do this.
Okay, here we go.
This is the bio.
“Artist / vegan / teacher / feminist / pug mom / environmentalist / weirdo / freaky.”
Okay.
And what do you do– What, there’s a lot of photos of you.
One, two, three...
Okay, so. Let me see, so you have one of you in front of
just, like, this looks like, kinda like an oil painting.
Just an oil painting vibe.
We got one here, wearing the same dress
you’re wearing right now in the second one.
Your third one– in number three why aren’t you showing your face?
Okay.
Puppy. It’s a puppy photo.
Okay, so here let’s do this.
Um, I’m gonna just do the bio real quick.
About me, “Virgo, Leo, Capricorn” – Oh boy.
I don’t really do that.
Uh, astronomy is not my thing.
Alright, here we go.
“Patriot Act…
new episodes...
streaming...”
Alright, and we gotta do like, a meaningful quote, so here we go.
“Tonight on Patriot Act,
not all who wander are lost.”
“Christina, 23, art teacher, Maryland Institute College of Art.”
Enjoy.
Thank You.
That was wild.
I felt like– I’m gonna be honest when I was holding that I was,
‘cause this is very important right.
I can’t just fuck this up.
Okay.
Shit.
Okay. Alright. I hope that helped?
“If you could talk to your younger self,
what would you tell him?” This is from Brittany.
I would say just easy on the Polo Sport.
You know what I mean? Like you don’t have to bathe in it.
just a couple sprays. You don’t have to like...
What else?
I guess, um...
Don’t stress out as much, it’ll be alright.
That’s it, yeah, it’ll be alright, don’t stress.
That’s what I’d probably tell younger me.
“If you could ask one question and be guaranteed complete honesty,
what and who would you ask?”
I would ask you...
How do you feel about white sneakers?
No I’m just…
Okay I would– Eddie, can you step into the light please?
Eddie, can you step into the light?
Into the light, into the light.
Get in the light.
Jib, grab Eddie.
I would ask Eddie, our wonderful stage manager...
would you be my–
I’m getting nervous, bro.
Would you be my friend outside of work?
No you– for real?!
Two hundred percent?
You know we’ve done 22 episodes together, Eddie.
A hundred percent?
Sometimes...
a host and a stage manager are not friends outside of work…
And you really hate to see that sort of thing…
But the good news is:
This is not one of those times.
Because Hasan and Eddie, well...
They’re friends.
♪ Eddie and Hasan ♪
♪ (and Hasan and Eddie) ♪
♪ Eddie and Hasan ♪
♪ (and Hasan and Eddie) ♪
♪ Eddie and Hasan ♪
♪ (and Hasan and Eddie) ♪
♪ Eddie and Hasan ♪
♪ (They’re friends) ♪