okay the first subject is things you
wouldn't hear over tannoy we apologize
for the delay knows when bricks
it's happening the train on platform 3
has been canceled because it said
something racist on what the week please
do not leave your children unattended
unattended children will be removed and
destroyed and if you look out of the
window on your left you will see Christ
the Redeemer because I've crashed the
plane and this is the afterlife
this is cashier number 5 can I get a
price check can I get a price check for
one large tub of Vaseline and one
cucumber always okay he's gone
in a moment the flight crew will remind
you you're in a metal tube which can
fall out of the sky please pay attention
that they tell you about a whistle that
in no way will save your life this is a
reminder to smokers this is a no-smoking
flight and this is a reminder to vapours
you don't look as cool as you think you
do amsterdam brothels would like to
apologize for the Yelp of pain you just
heard unexpected item in the shagging
area hello this is your pilot speaking
just to prove that I'm not too drunk to
use the tannoy jet just a reminder that
when we asked you to report anything
that doesn't look right we meant
saw-like terrorist stuff not just a baby
wearing ripped jeans
so avoid congestion please walk right to
the end of the platform through the
tunnel and to the next station don't
forget you can take advantage of many
deals in store today or go with no deal
because we're British and we won a war
if you see something that doesn't look
right
please ignore it this is England after
all see it feel uncomfortable about it
sorted this is your pilot captain
Mohammed Kasim psyche it's John Smith
this is an announcement for the man in
the pitting zoo heavy petting he's not
allowed get your tongue out of that
llama and we just pulled out of
Paddington nobody expected the third
film to learn that one
this is your train driver I don't wish
to alarm you but it seems that we have
traveled into space now nobody I
nighttime nighttime again
[Music]