So imagine this scenario: you see a picture of your man on Facebook with his female coworker
and maybe something like this runs through your mind.
“Whoa.
What if that’s why he didn’t text me last night?
What’s their relationship like?
Are they close?
Did he tell her about me?
Does he talk to her about our fights?
What if he went home with her?
Oh my gosh.
What if he kissed her?
Oh my gosh.
What if he was in her bed?
Ugh!
Does she do the stuff that I refuse to do?
What if they get married?
What if I end up being the girl who every guy dates and then he finds his wife in the
next person?
What if I never get married?
Ugh.
I’m going to be alone forever.”
Today, yes, we’re going to talk about overthinking because it happens to all of us and it can
be a torturous experience to overthink, kind of like a train that leaves the station and
is rocketing down the tracks in the wrong direction – whoa!
– kind of like.
this.
The train’s going by, headed down to a place that’s like Miserable Town.
And what you want to do is you want to grab the brakes, pull the brakes, and stop that
train before it drags you down to a miserable place so you can get ahold of your thoughts
and emotions again, and I’m going to give you five tips on how to do that right now.
Step number one is notice that you’re on this spiral overthinking thought train.
Just by noticing when it’s happening, that actually puts you in a position of power because
now you can choose whether or not you want to allow that train to pick up speed and momentum
by linking all these negative thoughts together, or you want to stop that train in its tracks
and point it in a new direction.
Step number two is you want to hit the pause button and breathe.
You want to de-charge yourself a little bit.
You can meditate, you can journal, but what you don’t want to do is start venting to
a friend before you even know the outcome of the scenario.
And here’s why.
There’s a bunch of research now that shows that neurons that fire together wire together.
In other words, when you call a friend and you start venting, “What if this and what
if that and what if this?”
it ends up firing those same neurological pathways which reinforces a negative belief
about your man.
Imagine this Facebook scenario: if you are describing him with this other woman, then
you’re reinforcing a belief about him that you’re later going to have to undo when
you figure out that what you worried about wasn’t even correct in the first place.
Remember, 95% of the stuff we worry about never happens in the first place.
So hit the Pause button and breathe.
Step number three is you want to make a date with your worry or make a date with your doubt.
You know, I was taught early on when I was young, growing up, that you don’t have to
worry just because worry comes upon you.
You can actually schedule that and say, “No, I’m not going to worry about you now.
I’m going to worry about you later.”
And here’s a quick example of this.
When I was little, like two or three years old, my father came home, told my mom that
he had lost his job.
It was a Monday night.
And I’m the youngest of four kids and she’s like, “Oh my gosh.
You lost your job.
How are we going to afford to feed these kids?
I want to go back to school.
I was just getting ready to quit my job so that I could go back to school and now I’m
not going to get to go back to school.
I’m not going to have my, you know, career that I’ve always wanted.”
She could feel herself about to leave on this negative thought train and instead she paused
and breathed and said, “You know what?
I am not going to worry about this now.
I’m going to worry about this scenario on Friday.
Friday at 4:00, I will start worrying.”
And she scheduled her panic.
She scheduled her worry.
And interestingly enough, on Thursday – you know, every day that the worry tried to creep
back up and say, “Worry about this, worry about this,” she said, “No, no, no.
I’m going to worry about you on Friday at 4:00.
We’ve got a date.
Friday at 4:00, then I will panic.”
On Thursday afternoon my father came home and said, “Guess what?!
I’ve got a new job.
It’s better pay, it’s shorter hours.
I can ride my bike to work.
The hours are actually better.
I’m going to be able to spend more time with you and the kids.”
So by Thursday, he already had a better situation, a better job.
And the best part is she didn’t have to suffer the way she had suffered before those
three days waiting for that job to happen.
So number three is make a date with your worry.
Schedule it.
And you can either schedule it for a random time like a Friday at 4:00, or you can schedule
it based on a particular event that’s going to happen, like, “I’m going to worry after
I talk to my boyfriend or after I talk to my man about this particular event, but I’m
going to talk to him first before I allow worry to overtake me.”
Step number four is vision the best, but know that you can handle the worst.
In other words, redirect the train from imagining the worst-case scenario to what would be the
best-case scenario.
So in the story with my dad getting a job, the thought, “Well, what good could come
of you losing your job?
What if you got a job that paid better, that had better hours, that was closer, that was
something you actually enjoyed more?”
So when you start this, when you feel yourself overthinking, ask yourself the question, “Hmm.
What good could come of this?
What would be a positive outcome?”
And know that even if it is the worst-case scenario, even if it is the worst outcome,
you’ll handle it.
You have handled every worst-case scenario that’s been thrown your way your entire
life and here you are stronger, smarter, more capable than ever before.
Anything that comes your way, you know that you and your higher power, you’re going
to be able to handle that together.
And step number five is to learn more by taking action.
So what conversations do you need to have in order to learn more?
What action do you need to take in order to remedy the situation?
There’s always one step that you could take to either become clearer about the situation
so that your mind doesn’t build a bunch of imaginary monsters about what possibly
might go wrong or might not happen or what have you, but what action can you take, what
can you learn?
And as you do, you’ll get more clarity on the situation at hand.
And here’s the key: you want to take the action from this place of positive expectancy
rather than expecting the worst.
So for example, in the case of the boyfriend who had his picture with his female coworker,
the action you could take would be to have a conversation with him.
But you don’t want to have that conversation from this place of negative expectancy, like,
“So where were you?
Why did you end up having your picture taken with her?
So does she like look better in jeans than I do?
Like what is it?
What’s going on?
What’s going on with the two of you?”
Like that conversation from a place of negative expectancy is very different than a place
of believing the best, visioning for the best outcome, knowing that you can handle the worst
but giving the best outcome the attention in your mind.
So there you have it.
Those five steps will help you when you feel yourself overthinking, when you feel yourself
riding this thought train to a place that’s dragging your emotional state downward.
You’ll be able to pause it, brake it, point it in a more positive direction, and ultimately
create a more positive outcome for you.
So now I would love to hear from you.
What strategies work for you when you are overthinking?
When you’re spiraling down, you can really feel that state going on, what strategies
work for you that help you calm the mind and bring yourself back to center?
Go ahead and post a comment below.
I love reading your comments.
And, as always, there’s a link in this video that will help you attract the relationship
you want, it will help you understand the hearts and minds of men in a deeper way.
So if that matters for you, go ahead and click the link and you can get that resource.
And if you like this video, share it with someone that you care about.
And lastly, if you’re not subscribed to this channel, go ahead and got that Subscribe
button, get subscribed so that you can be the first to get the latest and greatest videos
each and every week.
Thanks so much for watching.
I hope this serves you and I’ll see you soon.