(audience applauds) - Welcome back to Drew's News.
Rossy, what's next?
- Well, we got another dream job listing.
Listen to this.
Mental Floss reports a company called Petable
will pay you $1000 to watch a bunch of dog movies.
Uh, anyone in? Hello?
- [Drew] Sign me up! (audience applauds)
Yeah, exactly. - Right?
- And here's how it breaks down.
You get $100 an hour to watch six movies.
And they are "Marley and Me."
- [Audience] Aww.
- Aww, I know!
"A Dog's Journey."
Uh-huh.
"Because of Winn-Dixie," "Eight Below,"
"Lady and the Tramp" and "The Call of the Wild."
And they'll cover all the rental costs.
But you're responsible for your own tissues.
(audience laughs)
Because some of those movies are rrrr-ough!
(audience laughs)
Stupid.
But I will say they missed...
Can I just throw out "Beverly Hills Chihuahua?"
Please! (audience applauds)
I love that movie so much.
And I know, I know...
- I'm so steaming mad!
They didn't call me for the sequel.
I tried, I worked really hard on Chloe!
- "Beverly Hills Chihuahua," talk about an Oscar movie.
I'm voting for that. (audience applauds)
I loved it.
And in all the things you've done in your career,
being a voice in "Beverly Hills Chihuahua"
is one of my, I'm most jealous of that, I think.
- Well, 'cause you have chihuahuas, that's why.
- Yes, and I have studied them, Drew.
I know how to be a chihuahua.
- Well, then, you know what?
- [Ross] What?
- Rex Reed!
I'd love to know how you thought I did actually.
In all earnestness.
Maybe there's a reason I didn't get called back
for the second movie. (audience laughs)
- Listen, I thought you were great,
and I'm not just throwing you a bone.
(audience laughs)
- What would your favorite dog movie be, Rossy?
- Of all time?
Besides that?
Probably "Lady and the Tramp,"
I think that's why I love spaghetti so much,
is because of that movie, yeah.
- You and Welly nose to nose on the pasta strand.
- Awww, man.
Except ours would be like, a zucchini noodle,
'cause I'm trying to keep it together for the wedding.
- It would totally be a zoodle, Ross!
- A total zoodle.
- I would have to pick "Marley and Me."
That movie is one of my favorite movies ever made.
(audience applauds)
- So sweet.
- You know, you throw a dog in anything
and people are gonna like it.
- Yeah.
- I mean, I bark.
I do, I full commit.
(Drew growls) (audience laughs)
I get- (Drew barks)
(Drew pants) (audience laughs)
I go all the way!
And they didn't call me back for the sequel!
(audience applauds)
- This is an injustice. Outrage.
- Whoever is at the studio right now is like,
"That little..."
(audience laughs)
Okay, in our last story, moving on.
Apparently, I haven't moved on.
- [Ross] No! (audience laughs)
- There's a dilemma that recently came
in to the advice column at USA Today.
Someone wrote in to say
three of their friends in their group
are notoriously tardy or late
for every hangout, party and occasion.
So for a recent night out,
the punctual friends told the late friends
that the event started at 9PM,
where the real start time was 10.
This time, the friends actually, weirdly,
made it a concerted effort to show up early.
They got there at 8:30, waited an hour and a half,
and were cranky and furious about it
the rest of the night.
And now these friends are no longer talking.
(Ross gasps)
And the letter writer wants to know
who was in the wrong?
Who here is notoriously late?
Raise your hands, do it.
Recognize it in yourself.
It's a flaw, and a selfish one.
And horrible, I see you leaning into your friend
and whispering in her- (audience laughs)
Raise it!
Just admit it right now that you're a bad, naughty person.
(audience laughs)
We are in the wrong.
The late people are in the wrong.
That's all I have to say.
- So you are one of those people, who-
- Yes.
I try not to be. (audience laughs)
I try not to be.
I...
I am working on it.
I'm getting better.
I've improved immensely.
I really have, there is room for hope.
(audience laughs)
And I can tell you that it is terrible time management.
I've put on an Instagram thing
that's like,
Michael from "The Office,"
and it says "I'm running at 9:10
"hoping to make it to the office by 9AM."
- [Ross] Uh-huh. (audience laughs)
- And so I'm working on it.
And people who are late are in the wrong.
But I am working on it.
And I am sickened! (audience applauds)
With myself.
- You know,
you know, there's...
There's a quote I like
from the famous poet, Kim Zolciak,
who said "Don't Be Tardy for the Party," okay?
(audience laughs)
Remind yourself of that next time.
- I know, it's gotten better.
I'm telling you, all of us who raised our hands,
we can fix this.
(audience laughs)
- I believe that you can.
- [Drew] I have improved.
- No, that was my audition for the next...
- "Beverly Hills Chihuahua!" - "Beverly Hills Chiahuahua."
- How did I do? Was I believable?
- Put some panting and a ruff in there.
Say we're going to break in a dog voice.
- Rrr, we'll be right back. Rrr.
(Drew laughs) (audience applauds)
(upbeat music)