Cr-r-r-ime Patrol!
Cop: Let's kick some butt!
Officer Dunkey: Hell yeah! Let's KICK some butt!
Cop: Freeze, sucker!
Sucker: I give up! I give up!
Officer Dunkey: Oh we ain't gotta worry about that guy He's a nice gu-
*BANG* SUCK MY DICK!
Officer Dunkey: BAOW! Aaandddd...
BAOOWWWW!
Oh damn! I really killed that guy! *laughs*
Officer Dunkey: Freeze for the sky!
*BANG* Officer Dunkey: OH SHIT *Laughs*
Worker: Don't shoot! Officer Dunkey: I'm gonna do it.
Officer Dunkey: Hey! FUCK YOU! *BANG* *Laughs*
W- pfft! Hahahahaha!
(hysterically) He's riding a forklift!
Officer Dunkey: Bang!
Oh. Lazy guy.
There we go! That's more like it.
Haha! Oh my god! Hahahaha!
Officar Dunkey: Come on out with your hands up! *BANG*
And I won't shoot. *laughs*
Oops! *laughs*
I didn't even shoot him!
"Later dude."
Dunkey: I'm gonna get wasted.
*spits*
Deputy Dingus: First two shots are on us.
Dunkey: Huh?
What do you mean?
*BANG*
Oh. Now I get it.
Look!
*BANG*
This guy is a Chicago Bulls fan.
*BANG*
Pardon me, sir.
NYEHHH! Got em! Oh. That guy didn't even have a gun...
*BANG*
Dunkey: That guy did.
Sheriff Dingo: You're on my Christmas list, partner! It's showtime!
Dunkey: LAPD! SUCK MY DICK!
Sheriff Dingo: Freeze!
Criminal Scum: No! No! Don't shoot!
Officer Dunkey: SHOOT HIM! *BANG*
Dunkey: OHYEAH?
Sheriff Dingo: I'm gonna kill ya!
Dunkey: OH YEAH? *BANG* YOU WANNA KILL ME? *BANG*
*BANG* *BANG *BANG*
YOU WANNA KILL ME YEAH? AW YEAH??? *BANG* *BANG *BANG**BANG* *BANG *BANG**BANG* *BANG *BANG*
Kill me, eh? Yeehhhhh. Kill me? You wanna kill me? Ehhhhhhh. Yeahhhhh. Kill me ehhhh? *Several dozen gunshots*
Kill me, eh? Yeehhhhh. Kill me? You wanna kill me? Kill me ehhhh? *Several dozen gunshots* *Soda drinking sound*
Dunkey: Got his ass! You're under arrest!
Looks like this guy's got a flight to catch...
... in Hell.
Hehehehehe!
Spencer: Winners don't do drugs (TM)
*POW* *POW *POW*
Spencer: Coffee?
Fabio: Man, this ain't no restaurant, man!
Fabio: You got the cash?
Spencer: You got the documents?
Fabio: She a beauty?
Fabio: New IT number, the works.
Spencer: The works?
Dunkey: *laughs*
Spencer: Well, here's the works...
Spencer: You're under arrest for selling stolen property. Dunkey: *laughs hysterically"
Fabio: He's a cop! Dunkey: *laughs*
Dunkey: *continues laughing*
Dunkey: I'm comin' through!
*BOOM*
Dunkey: *chuckles*
Spencer: Hi there, Lou. The usual.
Spencer: Thanks. Waitress: Hi, Spencer! How are you? Spencer: How ya doin'?
That's Big Tony "The Tounge" Tuglianno up there.
He's a cold-blooded killer. We've been after him for years.
I don't think he's made us yet.
Big Tony: I'm feelin' the heat. And it's not the kinda heat I like.
It's that donut-eating gumshoe with a partner.
Bambi: Tony!
Big Tony: Shut up, Bambi! Dunkey: Yeah, shut up, Bambi.
Mob Guy: You want us to... turn down the heat, boss?
Big Tony: Take 'em boys! Dunkey: *laughs*
Dunkey: *Laughs*
Spencer: Take 'em!
*BANG*
Dunkey: Wh- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
He's been at him for years...
He just runs up and shoots him in the face. *laughs*
Guy: Uh-oh!
Dunkey: *snickers*
Lady: Oh sugar!
*BANG*
SWAT: This place is like a jungle! Lets go!
Dunkey: Those aren't even real trees...
Hey!
Dunkey: You're under arrest.
Robber: The combination or you're dead!
Dunkey: What about my dad? *BANG* Robber: UGH!
Oh there he is.
*sparkle sound* J.G. Wentworth: About that new car loan.
SWAT: It's party time!
*BANG*
Dunkey: Party's over.
*Laughs a lot*
Stewardess: Sir, please take your seat.
*BANG*
Dunkey: NO!
*BANG*
Captain Oveur: That oughta be good for some frequent flyer miles.
Dunkey: ROBERTO! They shot my brother!
Dunkey: DIE!!!
*Laughs a bunch*
Hey! *laughs*
*laughs* Get off of him! *laughs*
Judge Judy: Thanks.
Judge Judy: Guilty.
(End credits music)