A client sent me a Voxer recently asking me, how do you know if an emotionally unavailable
man will change? Do emotionally unavailable men change? Okay, I've heard the answer and
now I want to give it to you. Now, emotional availability is a topic that I talk a lot
about on this channel, a lot with clients, and a lot with women who come to me. I've
done a background video on this type of guy in the description below, so if you don't
know anything about this topic, hit that video in the description. What I'm talking about
today is will he change? Do emotionally unavailable guys change. Now, before I answer that question,
the first and most important thing to understand about emotional availability is this, it comes
in two distinct parts. There's the you part, and then there's the part that has absolutely
nothing to do with you.
For example, if a man is in a relationship, he is emotionally unavailable. That has nothing
to do with you. You wouldn't take that personally. You can't date that guy. He's emotionally
unavailable and you wouldn't take it personally. Many women forget that there are single men,
lots of single men who are just as emotionally unavailable for reasons that have nothing
to do with them. This is really important. It can be temporary things or it can be longer
term things. For example, the guy could have just gotten out of a long term relationship
a week ago. That has nothing to do with you. He's just emotionally unavailable. You could
have been on a great date with that guy, a fantastic date, and then his longterm ex that
he loved that broke his heart, that he always wanted back called him the day after. No matter
how good your date was, you'll lose into that woman.
He is emotionally unavailable. He could have just lost his job and being in a bad position
in life - emotionally unavailable, nothing to do with you. And then there's longer-term
reasons he could have been badly burned in his last relationship. He could have a deep
seated fear of intimacy. He could just feel that he's not good enough. There's a whole
bunch of reasons that single men have baseline emotional unavailability that has absolutely
nothing to do with you. Now after you get this baseline emotional availability of a
guy, then there's the you part that comes in and this is determined by how much the
guy likes you and how much the guy feels about you. For example, if a guy is emotionally
open to a relationship with the right woman and then he say, doesn't commit to you, but
ends up committing to another woman in a week's time, in a few weeks time, then for whatever
reason he felt that woman was a better match.
He was emotionally available. He just felt like he didn't click enough with you. You
do have some effect over a guy's emotional availability. Think of it like his baseline
is somewhere along that, along that continuum, and then the you part comes in as the little
needle that adjusts it. Every guy will have a baseline along this continuum and only if
that baseline is in the right place and then the you factors come in on top, will that
guy commit. That's why you can't believe that any guy that likes you enough, will want to
commit our relationship with you. If his baseline is that that emotionally unavailable end of
the spectrum, he will not commit to you and it has nothing to do with you. You're not
necessarily going to know why he's not committing. You'll just feel it from him. And you've got
to remember that a lot of the time it is his baseline and it does have nothing to do with
you. Okay, so let's answer the question at the beginning of the video. Let's say the
guy likes you. The needle is in the right place, but the stuff that has nothing to do
with you is not, the baseline is not. Will that guy change?
Maybe, does it matter?
No.
You can't sit around waiting for an emotionally unavailable man to change. It could be there
six weeks, six months, or six decades. If you date these men exclusively hoping that
their baseline will shift, you could be dating them forever in an emotionally unavailable
relationship. You can't bank yourself on what a man might be on the future. You can't date
his potential. You have to date him as he is now. It's not to say that maybe in the
future, if he's more of an emotionally available and you're both single, that's something couldn't
happen. You just can't put your eggs figuratively and literally in that basket. You've got to
date other men. You can't see him exclusively. What matters is a man's emotional availability
now. This isn't to say that you're going to drop a guy just because he doesn't instantly
want a relationship with you. A high value guy who's in the middle of that emotional
spectrum who's not desperate for a relationship, but who is, who is open to one.
He's still going to, gonna want to weigh up the women that he meets, okay? He's still
going to want to, why you up? He's gonna want to see where that needle hits and he's gonna
want to make sure that he likes you enough to commit to you cause he's not desperate.
Just as you are not. The important thing is though that you'll see that progression with
that guy. And even if he doesn't want a relationship straight away, you'll see things building
over time, over the months. If the guy is showing signs of emotional unavailability,
if there's no progression or worse, if he flat out tells you he's emotionally unavailable,
believe him, date other men. Don't put all your eggs in that basket and make sure that
you are never dating a man's potential, but you're dating him right as he is right now.
Well, that's the video. Thank you so much for watching. Let me know your thoughts, comments,
questions. Put them all on the space below. Don't forget to download the guide as well.
10 Male Dating Personalities That Lead to Heartbreak. It's really important that you
understand about these men, so make sure you get that guide. Hit the subscribe button with
the little bell, so you get the notifications and the thumbs up, and I'll see you in the
next video very soon.
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