So how do you deal with people that are trying to cram drinks down your throat? If you've
ever gone out, right? And you've been at a club or a bar, and you're trying to not drink,
what you have found is that someone there is basically going to try to force you. They're
going to make you feel guilty. They're going to tell you you're not being fun. They're
going to beg you to do just one with them. So, how do you deal with that kind of peer
pressure, especially when it's coming from more than one person?
Well, that's what I want to cover in this video. First, though, to everyone who watched
the first video and agreed to the "one day I'm gonna go out and not drink challenge"
I salute you. This is for you. There are basically two parts to dealing with that kind of peer
pressure. The first is having a reason, and the second is saying it with conviction. So,
to the first part, there's this funny foible of human psychology that says and shows, and
studies have brought it out, that if you have a reason, it doesn't matter what the reason
is. People don't care. They're not persuaded by the logic of your arguments. Sometimes,
just the existence of a reason is more than enough. And to demonstrate this, they did
a study on a college campus where there are people waiting in line to make photocopies
for a homework, or whatever it was. And what they would do is they'd send one group of
students in the line and they would ask, "Hey, could I please cut in front of you in line?"
Some of the people complied, but a lot of people didn't. And then, they made one change.
They had a second group of students go, wait in line for the photocopier and say, "Hey,
can I cut in front of you for the photocopier because I need to make some copies?" And what
they found is that 93% of the people complied. Now, because they need to make some copies
is not a compelling or logical reason. Everyone in line is there to make copies, but human
beings crave reasons. So, if you're going to go out and you're not going to drink, you
need to know your reason, and be able to communicate it.
It can be that you're on a diet, and you don't want to be drinking alcohol. It can be that
you saw my YouTube video and are trying the challenge for one night to not do it
to see your willpower. But, if you want an extra bonus of self-respect, and this one
that I found, hits very, very heavy, you can, actually, turn this into an opportunity to
make someone respect you more, and it's by doing something like this. So when people
ask me, "Charlie, aren't you going to have a drink? What's going on?" At first I'll just
say no, but if they continue to prod, I will say something to the effect of, "You know,
I actually stopped drinking years ago, because I realized that when I went out, rather than
like go talk to people I wanted, people who are really fun, and go flirt with a girl I
was interested in, the first thing that I would do would be to go the bar and get drunk,
and I realized I was using it as a crutch. So, from that point on, I've just been done.
I mean, I'll drink with my friends, maybe, sometimes, at the house, or maybe for dinner,
but I'm in a social situation, I just refuse to use it as a crutch," and what that does
for me, and, you know, a pause there, and they'll go, "Oh, interesting," and I'll add
on to that and I'll say, "Yeah, what it does for me, one, I make much better decisions,
but, two, I get to have cool conversations with people that I want to get to know, and
not just waste time.
Now, what that last part does, which is really, really awesome, is it says to them, that communicates
to them, that you have standards for the people around you--subject for another video--but
it makes them want to live up to them. They're going to want to be one of those people that
is worth talking to when you're sober and not just drunk. So, guy or girl, you'll see
them step up their game, be more interested and interesting when they're conversing with
you; really awesome, wins self-respect, makes for better conversations. Don't dump it on
them all at once. You don't need to say this to everyone who asks you if you're having
a drink. It's only if they continue to prod and prod and prod for two or three times that
you say, "You know what?" Boom! And you give them that reason, which is, maybe, the reason
that you have, maybe you can come up with your own.
The second piece, if people continually push, and this happens a lot in college environments,
and, maybe, for some workplace environments, but the way that you deal with people that
are pushing is actually by getting clear on your reasoning beforehand. When you say it
with conviction, what I found is that people stop bothering you. When I first started this
and I was unsure, and I'd answer, "Ah, no, it's just I don't really want to drink tonight.
No, thanks, man, it's cool." People would hound me. "Come on, man, just one. You could
do it. Come on, just do one for me, please, just one?" Right? They'd be all over it. But
now, when they say, "Hey, man, do you want a drink?" I go, "No, I don't drink." It's
just over. That sort of certainty and conviction. There's a little bit of a battle going on
there, right? Whose world view is going to win out. So, if you take the time now to get
clear on your reasons, say it out loud a couple of times. If you want, you can even write
it down. That's going to do two things. One, you're going to be ready to present it to
them when the time comes, and, two, you're going to say it with so much more conviction
because it rings through and resonates with you. So that's how to deal with people that
are hassling you to drink.
There's a lot more questions that I've seen. How do I have fun? How do I deal with drunk
people? I want to cover all those in another video, but that is the quick tip for the day
for all of you going out and doing the challenge. If you want to see more of these videos, of
course, subscribe to this channel. If you have any questions about, you know, what you
should say, what you can do in this environment, go ahead and write them in the comments and
I look forward to seeing you in the next video.