this is you these are your friends and
family the people who matter who love
you who make life worth living and these
are the people you spend all your time
with because you're garbage
you're like Jim and Pam
yeah let's pretend that's the perfect
example of a workplace romance okay well
at least your ears work better than your
dick one night finally work up the
courage remember when you saw Thor the
dark world on a plane and thought it was
your favorite movie for months until you
watched it at home and realize you
didn't love it yeah you'll be taking the
long way to the break room for a few
weeks
drunken mistakes aren't the only office
hazard there isn't just one species of
creep there's a whole spectrum and your
local variety may differ by climate
available prey and proximity of j.crew
outlets you free Friday night because my
dad's got an open tab at the Yacht Club
please a Dame only gets paid less if she
can't keep up with am in around her or
if she's ugly
you know Janice carries a lot of tension
in her shoulders too I think it's right
when you're wondering if you can still
call yourself a recent college graduate
he shows up who is this guy
his diet would put you in a coma yet he
still seems to have endless energy oh
hey what'd you do last night nothing too
crazy
shut up Beauty bar then dance till 2:00
a.m. and call to the early night yep
I watched Shark Tank then went to bed
the worst part is you see him like that
how does he see you maybe you should
work harder maybe you need to be like
he thinks the word Machiavellian is a
compliment to the men's room he's not
content to just work he wants to be my
lord expense reports from Cynthia and
marketing do they not seem embroidered
perhaps I should be the one to go to the
kingdom of fila de la fere for the sales
conference in her stead I promise I will
secure the favor of house Tampax
of course ambition is a double-edged
sword and so is this douche
well back to 40 years of hard labor not
everybody considers this job an
opportunity for some it's a life
sentence fully NAB's me after college I
was driving back from a six burning man
and I need she spends all her time
talking about what she's going to do
when she finally gets out of this place
you know like in the look football's the
irony is when prisoners do finally get
their freedom they usually have no idea
what to do with well most of them anyway
ah quick question is cocaine legal yet
oh what a shame you're different though
you want to enjoy your job but you don't
want to let it define you that's how
many more about this snapshot yeah you
want to like the people you work with
but some distance is nice - color purple
and I mean the actual color purple not
the one with Oprah the key is balance
you decide work and life personal and
professional if you're careful you'll
make it out of here without any type at
all you ever notice how she just stares
like she's hearing voices or something
yeah total weirdo wait no
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