- You ever hanging with your parents,
then they just drop a lore bomb about you,
about your life that you never knew about?
Well, I recently learned
that we almost moved to Portugal when I was a teenager.
They never thought to mention that.
I was imagining some kind of
"Call me by your name" villa fantasy,
but instead of a peach, it's a slice of Peri-Peri Chicken.
(Phil laughing) I'm sorry.
That was gross. I'm sorry.
Anyway, this got me thinking
about the places that I have actually lived.
I've had an eclectic life,
living up into north (goat bleating) of England,
and in bloody London. (bell rings)
That's sounded Australian. Bloody London, mate!
House, apartment, secret basement,
I've inhabited some iconic properties in my time.
Each have pros, cons, scandalous stories, and various levels
of interior design tips. (piglet grunting)
So I decided today, to give them an official review
and ranking out of 5, or stars.
Should we use stars? Out of 5 stars.
Kicking things off with the womb.
(rigorous techno music)
I don't remember being in the womb,
or have that much experience of that place in general
since birth, (chuckling) but, I imagine it's pretty comfy.
I mean, it's soft, it's dark,
you got all that delicious placenta snack going directly
into your belly, but it is a pretty traumatic exit
when it's time to leave, 3.
Next is a random house on North that I don't remember
'cause I lived there for 9 months as a baby.
(energetic techno music)
I'm gonna text my mom. Where did we live in Helmshore?
Oh, okay. That was cute.
There's Sex Hill.
Helmshore is next to (chuckling) the hill
that we called Sex Hill
when we were at school.
We didn't know what sex was,
but we knew people went up that hill to do it.
(animal shrieking) Oh, she sent me some pictures as well.
Oh my God, is that me? (Phil laughing)
Why does this look like it is from the ancient times?
Interesting carpet choice, calf.
I remember nothing about that house, so it can have
a neutral 3 outta 5. (chiming)
Next up is my family home for 20 years,
still up north in the Rossendale Valley.
(energetic techno music)
I had unusual interior design choices in my bedroom.
I had a fluorescent green carpet,
and I completely covered my ceiling in random crap.
We had a garden that was basically a hill
where foxes would make terrifying sex noises.
(eerie bellowing)
And it had some very 90s interior design.
It's got nice now, but my town was pretty rough
for an Emo gay growing up.
Thankfully my parents let my friends
hang out in mine on the weekends.
I think they thought it'd be safer to have us in the house
than roaming the streets, to play pool,
drink a bit too much, and sometimes play spin the bottle.
Well, if the girls kiss,
it's only fair that the guys should kiss too.
I mean, gross.
Also street-wise,
it was like the neighbors here were all from a TV show.
Like they were all friends,
and they went for dinner at each other's houses.
It was just dinner. There was no swinger vibes.
(chuckling)
I'm pretty sure it was just dinner.
But Alan, from number 13, (boing effect)
I'd get in his hot tub, if he was watching.
5 outta 5! (pinging)
Next, I went to university and lived in four houses.
So it is time for a speed round.
(energetic techno music)
Year 1, Younger Court.
The bed deformed my spine. Shared a shower with 10 people.
But I did kiss a boy, I guess.
2 out of 5!
Broadway. This house was grimy.
It was falling apart. It was disgusting, had a rat.
I did have a Sarah Michelle Geller shrine on my wall.
But overall, 1 out of 5. (horn honking)
Year 3, Heslington. It was a cute new build.
We had a conservatory and a garden, amazing house parties.
But the landlord got in trouble with the police,
and we got a evicted early.
3 out of 5! Year 4, Wentworth College.
It had the thinnest walls in the world.
I could could literally hear the guy next door breathing.
But I did create some weird ass videos in this place,
so it did inspire me, creatively.
That was weird-ass videos, not Weird Ass videos. 2 out of 5.
I went home for that summer,
and then flew the nest into the big city of Manchester,
and moved into Jefferson Place.
(energetic techno music)
This was the cheapest apartment in the Green Quarter,
on the 13th floor.
Unlucky for me.
It was a tiny apartment overlooking a prison, (laughing)
and it just had 1 sofa pressed against the kitchen,
and then a bedroom the size of me.
But, it did have a weirdly sexy bathroom.
It was close to a few friends
that worked at the Disney store,
and also some weird YouTuber from Manchester Uni.
He kept coming over to do his laundry.
Don't know what that was about.
So luckily I didn't get lonely
and start talking into my hand.
I've got some good memories here.
Our YouTube channels started to take off.
Had a weird pet shrimp.
But this place was notorious for strange neighbors.
One night a man knocked on the door
and asked if I wrote the C word on his door, (laughing)
which I obviously didn't do.
Dan then sassed him a bit by saying,
"Hey, don't be rude, dude."
And then, he said he would blow our brains out.
So I thought it would be a good time to move then,
in case he was readying his weapons.
Generally cursed energy. I was excited to leave.
I'm gonna give it a 2 out of 5. (horn bonking)
Next is the first official Dan and Phil apartment.
(energetic techno music)
This one had it's infamous breakfast bar,
uncomfy leather sofas, and a communal hallway
that smelled strongly of weed.
A 10 minute walk to the city
under a particularly sketchy bridge, and 2 sexy bathrooms.
That must be the selling point of the Green Quarter.
Forget the rest of the apartment.
Look how sexy your toilet is.
It was also on the 17th floor, and have views
on the other side of Manchester,
except it was also facing a hotel which had very
thin sheer curtains.
So you would basically see (chuckling) everything.
I'd been trying to appreciate the X Factor
when I'd just see a complete 50 year-old man ass
pressed against the hotel window.
Oh yeah, (chuckling) there was also a really
hot delivery driver for ASDA, and he brought the groceries.
Now I was thinking, I swear, I know this guy run somewhere.
Is he a YouTuber? I think I've seen him online.
So I asked him if I'd seen him on the internet before
and he gave me a look like, (horn playing).
I was like, what does this look?
And (laughing) then he said, "yeah, I do Emo porn."
(boinging) And I was like, (laughing) I was like, okay, bye.
No comment on that, further.
Overall, that apartment was a steal
and generated some iconic content, 3.5 out of 5.
And we eventually decided to leave for the big, well,
bigger city for a promise of a job on the radio
and a dream that was probably not gonna work out.
The London apartment!
(intense techno music)
This is probably the most iconic Dan and Phil apartment
as represented by this tweet with 6 million views.
"The bedsheets of Legends."
The apartment was literally about to explode
from a gas leak.
It was covered in cracks.
It was on a main road with really loud ambulances.
It was mouse infested,
but it will always have a special place in my heart,
though that's probably the brain damage from the gas.
(quick blaring) I didn't like this place at first.
I was freaked out moving to London. We had no furniture.
London was scary and unknown.
And also we were spending our entire bank accounts on rent.
So (chuckling) this YouTube thing, better pick up soon.
This place was an old bank where two apartments
on the top floor had basically been knocked together.
So both bedrooms were huge
which was great for dragging tripods around.
The kitchen was a bit cramped for baking videos.
The dining table was perfect for crafts.
(breathing heavy) (items popping)
I suspect there's still glitter
in the cracks of those floorboards.
It also came complete
with the loudest sex neighbor of all time.
He literally sounded
like he was being murdered or murdering somebody.
I guess depending on what position he was in.
It was so loud it regularly interrupted my filming.
But I guess we can't complain when we were also doing this.
- Yes!
Yes!
- I think we would've stayed in that place longer
until the construction noise started. (workers drilling)
It was the loudest and most drills that have ever drilled
in the history of drills.
Also, the house did feel a bit like a video set.
Like everything was dedicated to YouTube,
and the work-life balance was definitely leaning
towards the work side.
Especially when I went to sleep
with 3 tripods facing my bed.
This one gets 4 out of 5. (pinging)
So we decided to move into, the 2 apartments
that we pretended were 1 apartment,
for our own sanity.
(intense techno music)
- Our last flat in London wasn't real.
- Time for some work life balance.
Why not combine them both in 1 apartment block?
The top floor? Life.
The basement? Work.
Thankfully we got a good deal on the basement ones.
It was actually cheaper than getting an office or something.
The last apartment did have a, let's say,
"enthusiastic follower problem." (sinister horn)
A couple of people started ringing the doorbell
or waiting outside.
So for this one, we thought it'd be more private
to just not reveal that much about it,
including there was two apartments
that were basically stacked on top of each other.
The upstairs was nice and airy.
It came with its own pet pigeon.
Had a great terrace, as well,
but weirdly, it had terrible furniture.
So we ended up swapping all of the furniture from upstairs
with the furniture from downstairs.
Continuing the theme of weird neighbors,
this one had a glamour model photographer
who was literally photographing topless women
in the corridors, in the lift, on his terrace.
Why wasn't it a male model photographer?
What is the male equivalent to glamour boob?
A butt? A butt photographer.
Would've been nice.
He was also very noise sensitive, so he knocked on the door
and asked us not to walk up and down our stairs
after midnight. (laughing) What do you want us to do?
Just start floating, after the clock strikes 12?
(suspenseful sci-fi music) - Oh my God!
- Decor was pretty great.
We learned the art of plants. (gentle ethereal music)
Sadly, the plumbing and general building
was pretty terrible.
No water pressure, broken appliances,
and electric sockets that made a fizzing noise. (fizzing)
The basement flat was worse.
There was no heating or showers, but it was good for filming
as there was no neighbors next door to annoy you.
Especially (chuckling), as there was more of this.
- Oh no, oh! (chair plunking)
- Also, as this place took forever to finish
we ended up spending the entire lockdown
in this tiny apartment, completely surrounded by boxes.
It is a small miracle that we did not murder each other.
If we ignore that horrific year
I'd give both of these flats together,
a 4 outta 5. (pinging)
And finally, we are here. (triumphant music)
The house that we built, the Dan and Phil House.
(energetic techno music)
1 outta 5. (chuckling)
It's so cool to own this place
and not worry about a landlord when I literally do anything.
Like I could scribble on the walls if I want to,
though Dan would probably crucify me.
(gasping effect) So I won't. But I could.
Highlights include air con. No weird neighbors.
Finally, outside garden with cherry blossom tree.
But Philly, where is the house tour?
We're still living with sweaty construction workers,
which is definitely not sexy anymore.
We sort of have a working bath. There is a big hole outside.
There's a toilet room with no sink.
Maybe it'll be done this summer?
But overall, this has been the best place I've ever lived.
We've got enough space so we don't annoy each other.
I can edit at an actual desk without hunching over a laptop.
I think this is the first house I've had with a good shower
in about 10 years.
The only risk was getting this giant cream sofa
because I am predicting a Ribena-related incident
before the year ends.
I'm sorry in advance.
Overall, this is getting a 6 out of 5.
Worth waiting an extra 3 years for it to be built.
And maybe if you're good one day, you'll get a proper tour.
Why am I saying that like Santa, or your dad? (laughing)
There we go. All the 10 places I've lived.
I think I prefer living in London to Manchester.
I think I just like being
in the biggest city possible, for some reason.
But I do feel like each one is special,
and I've left a little piece of me there.
Well, actually literally is, I've left my skin cells
everywhere, so enjoy breathing me as dust, new residents.
Hopefully we'll be here more than two years,
as I actually have a visceral reaction
to cardboard boxes now.
Ooh, give me a thumbing if you enjoyed this.
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Check out my last video for 'An Honest Life Update."
If you've learned anything about location, interior design
or how to avoid a weird neighbor,
I hope this was informative.
And I hope wherever you are in the world is cozy.
You have a lovely life and I will see you soon. Good bye.