A special moment is upon us,
because, well, you might have thought it had gone away, but, oh, no,
because we are going to do the Cool Wall! Yeah!
It's here!
Take... Take them off!
I can't see a damn thing in this thing. What have we got first?
We'll start off with this, it is the Ford Focus RS.
Now, this is, well, is a brilliant car, there's no denying it.
-What d'you you think of it? -I like it.
-You like it. -It's green.
-Good car. -Is it relevant, is it cool?
-Cool. -Cool.
Don't like the color at all.
-Is the car...? -No.
-No? -No.
No, and that's odd, because he looks like he's got an ASBO.
That is the thing about this car, it is undeniably...
-Well, it's brilliant, isn't it? -Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Very, very good, but it is...
It's for the bloke who's always the first to start the singing on the airplane.
You know, the fellow whose holiday sombrero
is too big to get in the overhead locker, and that's what he drives.
-You're wrong. -No. I'm not.
Nobody who's got one of those has ever been on an airplane,
because they get stuck in airport security with their ASBO ankle bracelet.
It's a great car, but sadly, it's gotta be...
It is gotta be uncool.
The Lamborghini Murcielago SV. What are we thinking?
I'm sorry, there's a man in here... Coming in!
-What was that? -Seriously uncool.
Seriously uncool.
Come with me.
I want the ladies and gentlemen to see this.
The Amish here.
-You think this is...? -Seriously uncool.
-Uncool. Why did you think it's uncool? -'Cause it's a mad sports car.
And what's the matter with mad sports cars?
Seriously uncool.
How long do we keep this going before he pulls out a dagger and stabs me?
No, I think this man is representing... 'Cause he's...
He's right, ladies and gentlemen! He's right?
Because every time I see a man, and it is invariably a man...
Go back to the audience, please.
Every time I see a man getting out of one of these things,
and it is invariably a man,
and I always think, that man is wearing a thong.
Is this just something you like to think about? I'm confused.
Nobody with boxer shorts has ever bought a Lamborghini.
-What? -****, I bought a Lamborghini.
Oh, my God! You in a thong!
Oh, no!
It is, I'm afraid, not seriously uncool, but it is uncool.
Now, this is a BMW Z4.
-We like this car. -Very much.
Not the old model, not for wife swappers,
nobody's ever slept with somebody called Muriel
who's married to Frank, who has one of these.
But we'd like to put it in the cool section of the board.
It actually... It's resisting. Ready?
-It's the weirdest thing. -The weirdest thing in the world.
It won't go in the cool section, and there's a very good reason for that.
Yeah. And the good reason is,
James May has said he's thinking of getting rid of his Porsche Boxster
and getting one of these.
And, well, that means, that's all that can happen!
That's all it'll do!
We can't put it anywhere else! It won't go!
Now, this is the Nissan 370-Z, okay?
Now, this, as far as I can work out,
is for the sort of chap who likes a stag night.
Me and the lads, you know the sort of bloke.
He's the sort that sends you those e-mails
that take you 10 minutes to open, and they're not funny.
No! hang on. No, no, no. I know where you getting that.
And that's exactly why I think this is cool
because you're talking about the bloke who doesn't complain
because you've given him the wrong...
The man who has one of these has never eaten an olive in his life,
-he just has poor kitchen. -Good. Good.
He's a lager lout.
No, he's not. He drinks lager, what's wrong with that?
Because he drinks Stella...
-It's just lager. -It's not just lager!
You'd be at the bar bickering, saying, "Have you got anything Italian?"
I want the right one.
I know but this is an old gag but...
-What are you gonna do about that? -Thank you, that old favorite.
Yes!
I'm hearing a strange mooing noise.
But you're, again, I'm afraid you're mistaking this for a democracy,
and it isn't one, it's a dictatorship.
Oh, dear, Hammond's gone off in a huff.
Good! Anyway, now, look, I want to talk about the Range Rover.
If you asked me, and you're a small boy, what is the best car in the world?
I will say, it's a Bugatti Veyron, but the truth is...
-What are you doing? -Oh, yes!
Oh, yeah!
That'll do. I'll tell you what.
Can you...? Can you...? Can you reach it there, shorty?
-What about... Oh, look. -I can still reach that.
Look, he can't see me. He can't reach it, poor little fella!
Oh, tell you what, from up here, it is going.
I reckon about there, there you go!
Hang on!
What? No!
What I've just done, ladies and gentlemen, is hit the kill switch!
Come on, then, come down!
-No, it doesn't work! -It's broken!
Hammond, you see the Zonda,
-your favorite car in the world? -Yes! No!
No! That's not right!
See? Le me put it down here Yes!
No, that's...
Oh, he's playing dirty.
Oh, look. And that. And that.
Look, I can have so much fun!
No, that's just...
-Can I come down now? -No.