- After I picked up my daughter's ashes from the funeral,
I went home and ate some of them.
(gentle brooding music)
- I found one of my old suicide notes in my father's office.
He knew that I had suicidal tendencies,
but never talked to me about it
or changed his abusive behavior.
(gentle brooding music)
- My biggest heartbreak was when my father passed away
from cardiac arrest from shoveling the driveway
after I was taken in in an ambulance
from my suicide attempt.
- I am dating four guys simultaneously
to cope with my heartbreak that happened five years back.
I recognize it is wrong, but don't feel guilty about it.
Yeah, that's crazy, four guys.
- Some kids in my class formed the WhatsApp hate group
of my name a year back.
I recently found out that my best friend
is also a member in it.
- Looking back at what my father made me do
to my younger cousins when I was eight years old,
I realized that I am a molester.
I would imagine that would have really deep
and long-lasting negative effects on that person
and their cousins even, they were eight
and they were being forced into doing something,
so don't feel guilty because, I mean,
you're an eight-year old,
you really couldn't consent to anything so.
- I got raped at a party my sophomore year of college.
I had never been in a relationship
and was planning on saving myself for marriage.
No one deserves to be like robbed of so much
especially someone who's never been in a relationship
to experience like a violent kind of shattering
of your own personal boundaries
is probably like one of the most heartbreaking things
that can happen.
The one thing that they can't take away from you
is your your own willingness of like giving yourself
to another person and open your heart
'cause I think that's what truly matters.
- My boyfriend manipulated and forced me
into having an abortion of our baby
that I really wanted to keep.
He called me crazy and broke up with me a few months later
saying, you're not getting over it fast enough.
I'm paranoid that I can never have a child again.
Being in a relationship with someone who's manipulative
is a very real thing and give it a shot with someone else
that you really love, don't discount the whole idea.
- My stepmom is very rude to me
and continuously breaks my heart.
I have ADHD and each time I mess up,
she reminds me how my friends and I don't hang out often.
It hurts because I used to look up to her.
I hope I can leave the house when I become a teenager.
Wow.
I think this makes me sad because this is obviously
someone who's pretty young who wrote this,
they're not even a teenager yet
and to have someone who's in your home
who is supposed to love you and care for you
be the one that's actually antagonizing you,
I think it's really, it really sucks.
Their stepmom is human too,
what they say is not necessarily true
and they shouldn't carry this with them, yeah.
- My best friend and I would spend
almost every single day together.
People would say our friendship was straight out of a movie.
I struggled a lot with depression anxiety,
so one day I decided to tell him all about my worries,
because of this, he started to become distant.
Once when I was ranting a lot,
he looked me in the eyes and said,
I wish you would kill yourself already.
I still love him and hate myself for that.
Yeah, that's scary, like, you it's like one day
there's someone you're friends
or someone like you trust the most
and then another day they just kinda like become
like a whole different person,
I think it takes a while to rebuild that trust again
with other people and it's hard.
- The last few women I've slept with
have turned out to be racist.
One of them started calling a stranger black slurs.
Another night, a different woman shouted racist stereotypes
at a stranger.
As a Black Latin woman
and it hurts endlessly to know that people
I shared my body with could be so hateful
towards people that look like me.
Whoa, I imagine it must be really startling
and like a punch in the face of sorts.
Racism is one of the most vile or hateful ways
to interact with someone, our relationships
or our past aren't representative of who we are.
Like, just because you have been with people
who have turned out to be evil or bad
does not mean that you are necessarily evil or bad
or even if you were racist in the past,
or if you had done bad things that doesn't define
who you are now, but it's really important to know
and recognize who it is that you are
and how it is that you wanna live your life.
- The other day, I took a few selfie pictures of myself
and realized how ugly I am.
It breaks my heart to acknowledge how much I hate my face.
That's really rough, that's the worst feeling.
There's a lot of pain in feeling inadequate
in your appearance and just comparing yourself constantly
to other people who you perceive
as more attractive in society.
There's unspoken standards of beauty
which really impact how confident you are
when you're interacting with people
and that's very unfortunate.
- Once I wore my basic outfit, white t-shirt and jeans
to my mom's birthday party,
one of her friends who I've never met before
said to me that I am too fat and need to lose weight.
The worst part was that my mom heard it but said nothing.
I left the party immediately
because I could not hold back my tears.
Like you already have this part of yourself that,
it's like very vulnerable and then complete stranger
like, points it out very rudely
and then your mother also doesn't come to your defense
or come to support you, I didn't always think
that the clothes I wanted to wear suited me
and there was like this moment in,
I distinctly remember middle school,
it was like in math class and I just like,
I like looked down and I was like, oh wow, like,
I don't feel great and like,
I couldn't focus on anything else.
Like I was in class, I was supposed to be learning
but that was all I could think of.
I don't know, I really wonder what they did after
when they left the party, I hope they were okay.
- [Interviewer] What do you think they would have done?
- First, like, take a walk, maybe cry,
crying feels better, you need that sometimes, so.
(gentle serene music)