"Memo Writing for ME 263: Part 3", by Zachery Koppelmann.
You are judged by your written communication.
If your writing is unclear, sloppy, or unprofessional,
your work may be viewed as useless.
Results mean nothing if your audience does not understand what you did.
This vidcast continues revising the same poorly written memo from Parts 1 and 2.
Here is the sample.
Moving into next week, we plan on re-testing the other noticed weaknesses
by subjecting the materials to increased stress and dynamic loads
to simulate over-use or misuse by inexperienced operators.
We expect to run another test later in the week, but will wait for your go ahead based on your review.
This sample is more complex.
There are a number of ways to revise this to be more effective.
To select the best revision, it is important
to identify the major points.
Here is a revision.
Please review the attachments and provide comments; no further tests will be conducted until your comments are received and reviewed.
Phase 2 Stress Testing will be repeated after receiving your comments;
after which a Phase 2a Stress Testing will be conducted to address other troubling findings from Phase 2
(Phase 2a Stress Testing Justification and Execution).
The key to this revision is managing focus.
This is one of the most important skills in writing and revising:
managing focus.
Look at the sample.
It is a single paragraph.
This means all of the information within that paragraph
is connected and receives the same focus.
Now, look at the revision.
It is two paragraphs.
This means the focus is divided between them, which shifts the focus.
In the sample, the retesting, method of retesting, and request for managerial feedback
are all lumped together,
and no one point stands out from the rest.
The revision changes the order of points
and puts the request for feedback in its own paragraph.
This points a great deal of focus on the need for feedback
and that no further work can be done until feedback is received.
Revising in this manner allows you to guide your audience's attention a little more
and to make sure your major points are not buried.
In addition to moving the request to the beginning
and putting it in its own paragraph,
the request is now directly made.
'Please review and comment.'
This is far more direct than 'We will wait for your go-ahead.'
The directness emphasizes the importance of the feedback
and its relationship to the project's timeline.
The second paragraph of the revision does something
that may look strange.
It removes very specific and detailed reasons about the test
and replaces them with a more general statement.
Up to this point, I have been stressing the importance
of being specific and direct,
so this could seem out of place.
However, there is a very good reason for this shift:
audience needs.
Back in part one, I stated:
Give your audience what is needed.
This is what the revision is doing.
Compare the sample directly to the revision.
We plan on re-testing the other noticed weaknesses by subjecting the materials to increased stress and dynamic loads
to simulate over-use or misuse by inexperienced operators.
Versus
Phase 2 Stress Testing will be repeated after receiving your comments;
after which a Phase 2a Stress Testing will be conducted to address other troubling findings from Phase 2.
The specific details in the sample are only useful
to a person who has been working closely with your project.
If your audience has been managing seven or eight projects,
they may not be able to follow that level of detail.
However, using the specific names of tests,
and referring to the more detailed attachment
provides the audience with enough detail
to make a decision.
Both versions are detailed;
they are just using different levels of detail.
Always keep your audience and their needs in your mind
when you are writing and revising.
Errors do happen, and most of the time,
a poorly done memo will not be the end of the world,
but poorly done memos do stand out,
and they are never an indication of your best work.
You strive to do your best work in the rest of your work;
don't sell your self short by skimping on the writing.
If you have any questions, please contact your TA.
This has been a presentation of 'Memo Writing for ME 263: Part 3'
a vidcast brought to you by Zachery Koppelmann,
in cooperation with the Purdue Online Writing Lab
and prepared for the Mechanical Engineering Writing Enhancement Program.