If you lived in ancient Mesopotamia, would you have been classified as having a penis
like a fish?
This is the show where the British Museum attempts to give you the ungoogleable version
of history
and subsequently uploads it to Google's most popular platform.
This is 5 things you didn't know about penises.
Yes you heard correctly we put out a message to staff and curators of the British Museum
and asked
'What can you tell us about the male member and its role in history. You know, aside from
the obvious roles.
"slam"
So lets get started and where a more obvious place to start is there than the ancient Greek
Olympics?
You know when you're watching television and you can't take your eyes off the lycra shorts
of the runner because of the phenomenon of willy wobble?
Well the Greeks had a phobia about that too, and when running in the nude it was even more
obvious. So they would retain, restrain the penis by infibulation that is by piercing
the prepuce. Or garotting it and then tying it up so that accidents couldn't happen.
There you go. Not only have we offered you some ancient Greek alternatives to the jockstrap,
we've also introduced you to the immortal phrase that is
'willy wobble'
"slam"
So if tying it up could mean favour and fortune in the ancient Greek Olympics, what did size and shape
mean to the ancient Mesopotamians?
The Mesopotamians were convinced that the physical features of your body could influence
what happened in your life. A medical textbook of the time dealt with variations in every
body part from head to toe. Inevitably there was a chapter on the penis.
Having discussed what would happen if you had a penis like a fish, a pig or a dog it
goes on to tells us that if a man's penis was big he would become poor. His family would
give him grief.
If it was small, he would have success.
We don't know why these meanings were thought to result in the predicted outcomes. But raising
children has always been an expensive business.
"slam"
The ancient Greeks and Mesopotamians weren't the only ones somewhat obsessed with penises.
In fact depictions of penises in art go all the way back to the Ice Age.
Towards the end of the last Ice Age, between 40,000 and 10,000 years ago, the male body
is very rarely represented simply as a male nude.
It appears transformed, part animal, part human. But also is solely represented by the
penis.
"slam"
Humans have been depicting the penis in all its various forms in art for over 40,000 years.
But they've also spent a surprisingly long amount of time altering it physically. And
during the Roman period they were doing it in a way I'm pretty sure you wouldn't expect.
In ancient Roman society there was circumcision and there was decircumcision.
Almost exactly 2000 years ago, a Roman medical writer describes that operation for decircumcision.
This was one of the earliest pieces of plastic surgery.
The tube of penile skin was freed at the glans using a scalpel and the mobility of the skin,
the epithelium, allowed it to be slipped forward.
Now why would you undergo an operation of this kind?
In Roman society the lack of a foreskin, the prepuce, was considered ugly, it was a disfigurement.
It was something that marked you out.
It's incredible to think that cosmetic surgery dates back that far. It seems such a modern
concept.
It sadly also shows us that issues with body image date back at least that far.
If you start putting it in a Roman context, and how important body image and being seen
in Roman society was all you have to do is think that they knew about infection. They
knew how deadly it was and they had no way of preventing it.
It was a staggeringly high cause of death during that period, and yet they still went
ahead with a procedure that had no medical benefits.
"slam"
There are two condoms in the British Museum's collection, from the late 18th century.
Condoms from this period were made with animal intestines, often sheep or pig, and they were
made to be reusable.
Supposedly there is a plate showing manufacture of similar condoms that suggests that two
are worn together for effectiveness. This may go some way to account for the size difference
between the two that we hold in our collection.
Two things should be pointed out.
One. Don't wear two condoms. I know the Georgians tell you to do it, but if you go to any medically-reputable
institution they will tell you it massively reduces the performances of condoms.
Two. On a much more lighthearted note, they way in which these condoms were found is proper
museum magic.
According to a previous curator, when the condoms were found they were still in their
original paper wrappings.
Now this is incredibly rare, and it's actually the paper that has allowed us to date the
condoms in the first place.
Where were they found? In a book published in 1783. Its title?
A guide to Health, beauty, riches and honour. You literally couldn't make it up.
So that's it for this episode. Hopefully you've found out something new, or something interesting
and at the very least we must have saved you from tanking your own browser history trying
to find the stuff out for yourself.
There are links in the description to loads of the stuff we've talked about. So if you're
interested in anything in particular go have a look.
If you've had any ideas about facts we should have included or topics we could use for future
episodes, please leave them in the comments we would love to know what you think.
Until next time, see you around.
Well, umm, that was the Museum talking about penises. If you want to know more about stuff
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