- Today I'm going to dig into why people love to hate watch.
If you haven't heard that term before,
hate watching is when you don't like someone
or certain characters or possibly an entire show.
Yet, you still watch every single video or episode.
In fact, you get joy, possibly excitement,
out of watching and especially criticizing them.
It's not the same thing as a guilty pleasure.
That has more to do with the fact
that we are slightly embarrassed
that we enjoy a certain show, video, or person.
Or maybe we know that it's not that good, but we like it,
and we feel guilty about that fact,
hence the term guilty pleasure.
But people can even hate follow others online
only to leave nasty comments
or hit the thumbs-down button
and trash talk the person.
And it's been going on online for as long as I can remember.
And it was, honestly, I don't even know,
20 years, more than that, I don't know.
But Howard Stern had said something about this
years and years ago about his radio show,
how the people who loved him
listened to it for about 30 minutes.
But the people who hated him
listened to every minute of every episode.
I always found that so bizarre.
I was like, "Why?"
And so, I wanted to dig into the psychology
behind why we do it, what we get out of it.
And oh my God, what I found was really interesting
and somewhat surprising.
Now, one of the main reasons we hate watch
or hate follow people is to feel better about ourselves.
So much better, right?
A ton of research has come out in the last 10 years
showing how spending time online
causes our self-esteem, shooo, to drop
and can even cause depression and anxiety.
Therefore, we can seek out people
who appear to be doing worse than us
to artificially prop us back up.
By watching someone fail
or not have as nice of a home or job,
or even if they hurt themselves on accident,
we can for a very short period of time
feel better about our situation.
Which makes sense, right?
I mean, if we feel terrible about ourselves,
we aren't gonna wanna watch people
who are doing really well.
That's only gonna make us feel worse.
The issue with this type of behavior
is that in order to keep ourselves from falling apart
and actually acknowledging how badly we feel
about ourselves or a situation,
we're gonna have to digest a lot of content.
Which we know through research that I'll link below
if you wanna read through and get all nerdy with it
can cause us to feel worse.
So in a way we're caught in this hamster wheel
of feel shitty,
look at people doing worse to boost our mood,
end up feeling worse,
and then need to consume more and more content.
It's a never-ending cycle.
And I'm not gonna lie.
Like, when I was doing this research,
I wasn't surprised, but I was.
Because I partially think that social media companies
work to keep us caught in that cycle
of watching more and more content.
And I'm not saying I have any proof for that,
but it's just interesting and something
that I'm gonna continue researching and thinking about.
The next reason people hate watch others
is because they want a scapegoat.
If we're feeling terrible,
it can be hard to acknowledge the real reasons why.
We talk about that all the time on here.
It can be hard to figure out, even track back,
why we feel the way we feel, right?
And a lot of times we're just like, "Stuff it deep,
"forget it happened, forget about it.
(mimics beeping sound)
"Go away," right?
But maybe it's,
we didn't work hard in school, so we didn't get good grades,
and we ended up not gettin' a good job.
Or maybe we fought with our boyfriend
so much that he broke up with us.
When we subconsciously know
that we're to blame for how badly we feel,
we can revolt or try our best to ignore that,.
Remember, stuff it down, pretend it didn't happen.
And instead put all blame and negative energy
onto someone else.
"It's your fault."
Chalking up our bad fortune to the fact
that they made us so upset.
You know, playin' the blame game.
There are no winners.
And it caused us to do other bad things.
So it's all your fault.
And we can leave comments online
blaming a stranger for harming us
even though we've never met them
and they actually didn't do anything to us.
We actually did it to ourselves, spoilers.
But this is why people join hate groups
or band together to cancel someone.
Because it's much easier to funnel our anger towards someone
than to acknowledge our role in our upset
and work to process it.
I've talked about this all the time,
how hard therapy actually is.
Some people will say, "Oh, you're so weak.
"You have to go to therapy."
That's an old, stigmatized, and honestly ignorant statement
because therapy work is actually the hardest work
we'll ever do, to look inside ourselves
and consider our role in the things that went badly for us
and how we can maybe right some of those wrongs
or change our behavior to get better.
Right?
But back to the subject at hand.
Because unfortunately,
social media gives us so many options for scapegoats.
If we dig just a little bit,
we're apt to find someone online that we don't agree with.
Or they've done something that we don't like.
And instead of just letting them go on their merry way,
not following their account and looking for real ways
to feel connected and soothed, we follow them,
only to leave hate-filled comments
and blame them for our upset.
Another reason hate watching is so popular
is because it gives us a chance
to show everyone else online how good we are.
When we need an ego boost, we can feel compelled
to do what is called virtue signaling.
Now, virtue signaling is when we publicly express an opinion
or perspective with the intent of communicating to others
just how good our character or moral compass is.
While not all virtue signaling is bad,
like, if we're just sharing more resources
that could help people or kindly reminding someone
that that word is hurtful to someone.
It can be harmful when it entails putting someone else down
or when it's done for the sole purpose
of getting praise and recognition.
True good acts don't need an audience.
And not all positive things happen online.
Shocking, I know.
We could also hate watch people because we're lonely.
When we struggle to open up to people and make friends,
we can feel drawn to these hate-filled groups
because the only requirement
is that we all hate the same person.
That doesn't require us to get to know each other
or share how we're really doing.
We just jump on the hate bandwagon
and vent about all the things we're angry about.
It also gives us something to agree on
and to be honest about, right?
And it's easy to share all the reasons
we hate another person or show.
It's not very personal, but it's real.
And in sharing, we can feel deeply connected
to others who feel the same way.
Research actually proves that we feel more quickly connected
to people who share a negative opinion with us
than those who share a positive one.
That blew my mind.
The researchers believe this happens
because a negative opinion
goes against what we as a society
have deemed an appropriate early interaction.
You know what I'm talking about.
Like, we should be nice to people when we first meet them
and speak nicely about others.
But if we speak negatively about, let's say,
like a film that we just watched together,
and they agree, well, then they feel
that they can trust us more quickly
because we were vulnerable in sharing that negative view.
Now, I would usually use this research
to demonstrate the importance of being vulnerable
with those that we love and care for.
But in this case, it actually connects people
who all hate the same person or thing.
So it kinda sucks, but that's the truth.
And I have to be honest, as someone who's been online,
I get most of my hate-filled comments or messages at night.
Which leads me to believe that people
jump on the hate bandwagon when they feel super lonely,
which is probably like 2:00 a.m. their time
when they wished that person had called or texted them back.
And anyways, I don't need to get into it,
but I just have seen this correlation
in my own online profiles,
that people are more likely to shit talk at night
when they probably feel really lonely.
So this one does, in my experience, prove to be true.
Now, there are most likely endless reasons
behind why we can hate watch or hate follow someone.
And there are some major setbacks
that we would encounter if we engage in it regularly.
First, we can find our anger or upset
oozing onto other parts of our life
and upsetting our other healthier relationships.
Like maybe the ones that we have at work or school
or with family and friends.
If we are engaging in hate-filled conversations all day,
or maybe all night,
we are gonna struggle to be positive and loving
with the people that we see in real life.
And this can make us hard to be around, connect with.
And we can find people we love
deciding it's best to keep their distance from us.
We can become a black hole
taking away all positive thought or action,
being really exhausting to be around.
I know I just talked about how sharing
a negative opinion can bond people more quickly.
It's actually a pretty risky thing to do.
Because if they don't agree with our view,
they can associate us with that negative view
that we offered.
Meaning that if we told them
how stupid we thought that video was, and they loved it,
they can transfer on to us traits of stupidity and judgment.
Or if the person we encountered
struggles with their own self-esteem,
like, if they like the video,
then they can feel stupid, you know, for liking it.
And no one wants to spend time with someone
who makes them feel stupid or someone they think is stupid,
so then they don't wanna hang out with us anyway.
So it's like a lose-lose.
And if we contrast this with an example
where we shared something positive,
maybe we said that the video or show we just watched
was so clever, funny, and insightful,
then the other person can either
internalize those traits themselves
or transfer them on to us,
which I see as a win-win situation.
Engaging in anything negative
is going to take a toll on our mental health.
If we are only spreading hate and upset online,
or with others, you're gonna feel that way a lot.
And that hate can lead to symptoms of anxiety, depression,
or even suicidal thoughts, just to name a few.
So if you find yourself just hate watching
or following someone that you don't like,
do yourself a favor.
Unfollow or stop watching.
I know it sounds simple, but if we're caught in that cycle,
remember back to that hamster wheel?
If we get caught in that feel bad,
watch someone doing worse,
feel a little bit better, then need to watch more
because I feel worse again,
it can feel really hard to do at first.
But if we're able to find some connections,
either in person or online,
that are based on positive things,
or maybe we can find a hobby that makes us feel good,
we can try to do that whenever we feel that old urge
to engage in hate watching.
Because we're going to have to replace that behavior
with something else that helps improve our mood
in order for that urge to go away.
You know, it's like that root of the root.
So it may take a few tries.
And remember, it's a process, not perfection.
So stick with it.
I promise you making more positive choices
will change your life.
But I would love to hear from you.
Do you hate watch or follow people?
What's been your experience?
Or what helped you stop?
Please share your thoughts below.
And I will see you next week.
Take care. Bye.
(relaxed electronic music)