I am Samantha Bee.
Welcome to another carefree day in the world
of late-night comedy.
North Korea best not make any more
threats to the United States.
Best not?
Where'd you pick that up, Easy D?
Look, I'm sure our president is carefully monitoring
this crisis from his situation cart in Where
The Fuck, New Jersey.
But I actually unironically want to thank him
for at the very least hiring sane person HR McMaster
to replace that dangerous fucking nut
bag with the Pizzagate son.
Things may seem scary right now.
But as long as there's one grown-up in a White House
full of children, reality stars, and Huckabees,
we should be fine.
Far right media outlets have ramped up attacks on Lieutenant
General HR McMaster after he removed
holdovers who'd been hired by his predecessor, Michael Flynn.
REPORTER: Open warfare between McMaster and Steve Bannon.
Media across the spectrum, especially on the right,
are running stories within hours of each other
suggesting McMaster could be pushed out.
God damn it!
I thought Steve Bannon only wanted to burn
shit down metaphorically.
Steve has been out of public view lately, which makes sense.
If I could suck my own cock, I'd probably
never leave my bedroom either.
But since I can't, I spend my time reading.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC]
"Devil's Bargain" traces Steve Bannon's rise
from working-class kid to powerful Hand of the King
with Tiny Hands.
Like, Steve Bannon's like the genius behind that operation.
He's like Trump's brain.
Like, he's the guy that got him elected.
Like--
Tiffany's, like, right, you guys.
That, like, totally got Trump elected.
Well, him and a Hillary-hating billionaire
named Robert Mercer, who funds nontraditional candidates
like Arthur Robinson.
JOSHUA GREEN: Robinson was consumed with extending
the human lifespan and believed that the secret
to staving off death and disease could be found in human urine.
Robinson collected thousands upon thousands of urine
samples, which he froze in vials and stored
in massive refrigerators that stood
among his wandering sheep.
[LAUGHTER]
Why do all roads to Trump pass through a river of piss?
That is a lighthearted story from the book,
but it's not all fun and games.
Actually, it is games, but not fun ones.
This is the true story of how Steve Bannon brought
the alt-right into our world like a reverse Buffy
standing at the hellmouth going, come on in, demons!
Oh, it was 2005, six years before he ever met Trump.
Steve Bannon joined a gold farming company
that employed warehouses full of Chinese workers
to win prizes in "World of Warcraft"
and then sell them back to real players for real money.
He soon learned the online gaming
community didn't care for cheaters
or, as it turned out, Chinese people.
JOSHUA GREEN: They had enough power that they basically
ruined Bannon's business.
But the lesson he took away from that was that these rootless
white males who spend all their time online actually
had what he told me was, quote, "monster power,"
to go out there and effect change.
Unleashing monsters?
That never goes wrong.
Obviously, most gamers are regular, nice people on
my staff not doing their jobs.
Why did nobody told me we had a PlayStation?
Guys, I love "Space Caterpillar."
But gamer message boards revealed
enough butt-hurt penis goblins to catch Steve's gimlet eye.
A few years later, Steve took over
Breitbart.com after its founder was murdered by Hillary Clin--
I'm sorry, died of natural causes.
He set about turbocharging the website's white populist agenda
and "fuck everyone" attitude.
Awesome!
Meanwhile, his beloved penis goblins
had discovered a cool new multiplayer game,
co-ordinated rape threats.
So many rape threats.
Honestly, I don't know when they even found time
to play video games anymore.
Steve saw his alt-right was alt-ripe for harvest.
All he needed was a bridge to connect the fetid swamps
of the nanosphere to the hard-right disruption-gasm that
was Breitbart News, and he found it
in an obnoxious woman-hating douche nozzle named Milo.
JOSHUA GREEN: I realized Milo could connect with these kids
right away, he said.
You can activate that army.
They come in through Gamergate or whatever
and then get turned on to politics and Trump.
Give me your entitled, your angry,
your gaming masses yearning to meme free.
Uh, excuse me, excuse me.
That poll was added later.
[LAUGHTER]
You cosmopolitan cunt.
What did you say, Stephen Miller?
Nothing.
Would you go out with me?
Ew, God, no.
Thanks to his "Warcraft" days dealing with elves, trolls,
and goblins, Bannon was more than
qualified to lead the Trump campaign
team when Rebekah Mercer ordered Trump to hire him.
Having freed the very unsullied from their fringe enclaves,
the mother of Pepes gave them something to fight for-- well,
something to fight against, specifically a woman.
Oh, my god, it's just what they're good at!
[GASP]
The activated alt-right, with help from Mercer's money
and Putin's troll farms eagerly glutted
the internet with crude anti-Hillary,
pro-Trump memes that helped sweep a bewigged sack
of testosterone into the White House,
where they could continue to advise
him on staffing decisions.
Oh, that's a big thumbs down from CuckBlasterCarl88.
Meanwhile, the House Judiciary Committee is--
I shit you not--
considering an amendment that this congressman staffer
crowdsourced from the Donald subreddit,
where the dregs of alienated white male resentment
coagulate to worship their god emperor.
I don't think that the crimes of the prior administration
of Hillary Crint-- of Hillary Clinton, the collusion
with James Comey and Loret--
Ler-- Loretta Lynch should be forgotten just because Hillary
Clinton lost the election.
Nailed it!
[LAUGHTER]
Guys, this is where we are.
The alt-right is writing US policy in that shitty fucking
meme font all because 12 years ago a former Goldman Sachs
banker wandered into an online video game community,
discovered a magical weapon, picked it up,
and brandished it all the way to the White House like--
oh, Jesus you know, I don't know.
Um--
Leeroy Jenkins!
God damn it, Leeroy!
We'll be right back.
[THEME MUSIC]