-Congratulations. You are a married man.
-Yeah, that´s true. -Hey, that´s fantastic.
-Thank you. -Hey, that´s awesome.
I didn´t know. -Thanks, man.
-You -- You´re married to Alison Brie...
-Correct. -...who is phenomenal,
was just on our show.
And she´s fantastic in "Glow."
Tell her I said hi. -Absolutely, she´s the best.
Everyone check out "Glow" if you haven´t already.
It´s, like, the greatest show, and I´m not --
I am biased, but it´s also true.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, yeah.
Yeah, no, we´re not here to talk about your wife´s show.
-Yes, yes. -But she´s great in it.
-Yes. -Dude, I´m just happy
you´re here. You said before, though --
before you were married, you were totally in love
with your cats. -[ Laughs ]
-And you have -- You´re obsessed with your cats.
-Yeah, I don´t know when I became the quirky cat guy.
My friends who I grew up with, they constantly remind me
to stop bringing up my cats in every single interview.
-But you can´t stop it. -I can´t stop.
I mean, they´re just a huge part of my life.
I mean... -What are their names?
-Harry and Arturo.
And at one point in my life,
I was the single guy with two 16-pound cats.
And that def-- -16?
-16-pounders, yeah. -16-pound cats.
Here they are, just hanging out.
[ Audience aws ]
16-pound cats. -And that --
Yeah, it definitely weeds out like, a lot of potential
dating partners.
´Cause not a lot -- Not a lot of women are, like,
excited to dive into a relationship with a guy
who sleeps with 32 pounds of cat on top of him every night.
-16 pounds. That´s not even a cat.
That´s like a small dog. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-That´s what they are. They´re not cats.
We call them the small panthers, yeah.
-Yeah, they are panthers, yeah.
But Alison loved them?
Alison loves them, thank God.
So that was -- I mean, she was the only one.
She was really my only option, so...
[ Laughter ]
Yeah.
-You told a funny story --
I don´t know if you want to tell it out here --
But that she was being nice,
she threw you a surprise party?
-Yeah, so, when we first started dating my birthday came up,
like, three months into the relationship,
and she decided to throw me a surprise party.
Which was very sweet. She put a lot of effort into it,
but the guest list got a little out of control
where, like, you know, my manager´s assistant sister´s
best friend was there.
And, like, if you know me, I´m a pretty private person,
and I don´t like to be the center of attention.
And so I freaked out.
And to alleviate my anxiety I decided to consume
a weed cookie. And...
[ Light laughter ]
...it had the opposite effect, where I ran downstairs
and had the first panic attack of my life.
And so, I´m downstairs, I´m telling Alison,
"Get everyone out of here,"
and it was the 80´s-themed party and so...
-It was a 80´s-themed party surprise party?
80´s-themed, yes. -So you couldn´t even recognize
people even if you knew them?
Well, that wasn´t the problem.
The problem was that the only person without a ride home
was a guy dressed as cocaine.
And, uh...
[ Laughter ]
-How do you dress like cocaine?
-All white, wrapped in Saran Wrap or something.
So I´m downstairs literally throwing up
and throwing a tantrum, while cocaine is upstairs
raiding our fridge.
So, Alison had -- Alison and I, we --
We still talked about how we survived my surprise party.
We can surprise -- Or, we can survive anything, yeah.
-And we´re all worried, is cocaine all right?
-Cocaine seems to be okay, yeah. -All right.
Just want to make sure cocaine made it home safe.
You have two older brothers, right?
-Yeah. -James, who we just had
on the show, and then Tom, I -- I don´t know.
-Tom Franco, yes. -Yeah, and how --
And so you´re the -- You´re the smallest?
-They are -- I am physically the smallest,
but also the youngest, um, thank you for bringing that up.
-It´s all right, no problem.
[ Laughter ]
-They are five and seven years older than me, yes.
-Did they pick on you growing up?
-Oh, yeah. -Yeah.
-Oh, yeah. -What would they do?
Give me, like, a real -- real mean thing they did.
-They had -- I mean, it wasn´t horrible,
but they had their own unique forms
of [ voice cracks ] torture. Like, uh --
I always do one voice crack a talk show.
I always get that one in.
[ Cheers and applause ]
All right.
Let´s...
-I wasn´t going to bring up.
I wasn´t going to bring it up, but you are --
You are the smallest.
[ Laughter ]
And the cutest, come on.
Isn´t he cute and small?
[ Cheers and applause ] You´re not small.
You´re normal, you look great.
I love the voice crack.
I wasn´t going to say nothing, but that was
a great voice crack. -Let´s hope another
doesn´t happen. I don´t want my average
to go up. -No, yeah, no, it´s good.
It´s very consistent, yeah. -So, what were we talking about?
-What did they do to you? -What -- How´d they torture you?
-So, they would -- They would zip me up fully
in a sleeping bag, and then tickle-torture me
from the outside. So, I´m kicking and screaming,
and it´s literal torture, and they happen to be
the greatest ticklers of all time.
So, that was -- That was something.
And then... -Laughing and crying...
-Exactly. -...from inside
the sleeping bag. -Exactly.