- I said yes
when I wanted to say no.
I don't want to do that.
He became physically violent with me.
I'd never been in an abusive relationship before
and I don't have the,
I felt as if I didn't have the profile
of a woman who would ever be abused,
verbally, emotionally and sure not physically.
And I remember when that relationship finally ended
and I was grateful that it ended and I was alive
because there were some days when my life was in danger.
I had so much guilt and anger and blame
and more than anything, shame.
How did I get here?
And the bigger question was,
how will I get out?
How do I move from this place?
I remember sitting in the doctor's office,
sitting on the table
and she asked me a myriad of questions.
She left the room and came back
with a piece of paper in her hand and she said,
Lisa, you are clinically depressed
and I need to give you this prescription.
And I looked at the piece of paper
and it said, Lisa Nicholas, Prozac.
I didn't see that level of sad coming.
I think when sad comes you don't know it's coming.
It's a little, one little circumstance,
another circumstance, another missed moment
where you don't speak your mind,
another moment when you don't say what's on your heart,
another moment when you say yes
and you really wanted to say no,
another moment when you just put everyone else
in front of you.
And here I was in the doctor's office clinically depressed.
I asked my doctor,
could I do something before I fulfilled the prescription,
could I try something else?
Because when she said I was really really sad
what I realized was that I had just forgot who I was,
that I had become Jalani's mom, that's all I was.
I had become his fiance, that's all I was.
And then I was the woman that he abused.
And then I was the daughter
trying to hide the abuse from my father, my mother.
And then I was the motivational speaker
trying to hide the fact that I was sad from everyone.
I just forgot who I was.
And so I asked her, can I have 30 days
to just discover me again?
And I did three things.
One, I put affirmations all around my house
reminding me who I was.
You are an unrepeatable miracle.
You are beautiful in your own right.
You are, you deserve healthy love.
You are a child of God.
Everywhere I could look in my house was a post-it note
reminding me of who I was.
I read scriptures and I read words
that showed me my birthright
and then every day I got in the mirror
and I completed three sentences.
I looked in my eyes and I said Lisa, I'm proud that you
and I found seven things to celebrate Lisa for.
And the second sentence was Lisa, I forgive you for,
and I found seven different things
to cut the shackles of blame, shame, guilt,
regret and anger around.
And I said Lisa, I commit to you that
and I made seven different commitments to myself
every day for 30 days.
And when I went back to the doctor I was completely ready
to take the prescription and fill it if I needed to
and I share it with her,
she asked me question after question after question again
and then at the end she goes,
I have two questions for you, Lisa.
I said, what?
She said, what have you been doing for the last 30 days
and can I use it with other patients
'cause I had found my way back to me.
And another moment that I'm super super grateful for
was when my daddy took me on my first date (giggles),
I was 12 years old,
and he took me out to a restaurant on the pier
in Marina del Ray
and he ordered my drink and ordered my food
and opened the car
and all the things you would do on a great date
that I didn't know anything about at 12.
And at the end of the evening
I went to walk in the house
and my father was opening, holding the door open for me
and he closed the door so I could not get in
and I stopped and I was like daddy, what's wrong?
And he said I want you to know something, Lisa.
Tonight I took you on your first date
so you get to see how you get to be treated.
I wanted you to see how you get to be treated.
Now, sweetheart, how you choose to be treated
that's gonna be on you.
The big moments in your life
are made up by the little decisions you make.
I didn't make a big decision
to get in an abusive relationship.
I made a little decision to lower my integrity bar.
I made another little decision to stay
when I saw the first sign that he didn't honor me
the way I deserved to be honored.
I made a little decision when I crossed over,
moved past that moment of discomfort
and allowed his words to make up for his behavior.
It was my job to fall madly in love with me first,
that no one was going to show me how to love me,
that I have to show not only me how to love me
but I had to show other people how to love me,
that you are the first example of what loving you looks like
and the way you love you
is the way the world's gonna love you.
So when you say I don't need rest then we believe you.
When you say no, don't worry about me, I'm fine,
we believe you.
When you say no I don't need help, we believe you.
When you say I'm fine by myself, we believe you.
So here's what I realized.
Words are power, words speak life,
words your life is a physical manifestation
of the conversation going on in your head
and it's a physical manifestation of the words
that are falling across your lips
and if you want to create a better life
design a better conversation.
If you want to design a better conversation,
think a better thought,
not about them but first about you.
And if you can feel it right now,
something stirring in your soul,
just that little somethin'
you can't even describe it, then you still in the game.
It ain't over yet.
It's never too late.
At 20, at 40, at 55, at 75, at 88.
It ain't ever too late to press reset
and fall madly in love with the life that you've been given
and then you'll look up and your life is barely,
then you look up and your life is barely recognizable.
I'm a girl from South Central LA
living between the Harlem Crip 30s and the Rollin' 60s.
Had three fights a week to get home from school.
Got kicked out of college.
I was considered academically challenged.
I'm functionally dyslexic, still.
I wear everything as a badge.
I'm fine with it.
I'm not successful in spite of it,
my success is beautiful because of it.
I'm that one who was on government's assistance, okay.
I'm that woman who got out of abusive relationship, okay.
But I'm also that woman
who's authored or co-authored seven best sellers.
I'm also that woman who's a CEO
of a multi-million dollar business.
I'm also that woman who has an international brand
and touches over 30 million people a year.
I'm also that woman.
Don't wear the labels
and don't let the labels wear you.
You're bigger than a label.
I'm a woman before I'm a mother.
I'm a woman before I'm a CEO.
I'm a woman before I'm a daughter.
I'm a woman first all things.
I'm not a hero, I want to be a she-ro.
And I want to give her a chance.
And I say to you as your sister
you don't think you get to press reset
you better think again.
It is not over.
Matter fact, it just begun.
(dramatic inspirational music)