Hey, listen, y'all.
If you know me-- and I think you do--
you know I love three things.
Gratuitous product placement, Casa Dragones Tequila,
and technology.
Well, Samsung and a phone company
called Huawei just announced that they're coming out
with a foldable phone.
This is what it looks like.
There it is.
Look how many screens there are to break now.
Yep.
Now, you can break two screens.
I believe those were called flip phones, when they were out
of date.
And now, they're called foldable, so they're brand new.
Yeah.
[APPLAUSE]
We finally get rid of our flip phones,
because we think that they're not cool anymore.
Now, they're back in style.
They're like the bell-bottoms of technology is what they are.
Remember when phones were tiny, and they
got smaller and smaller, and we'd have to squint,
until they ruined our eyesight?
And we're like, I need a bigger screen.
And in the '90s they got huge, and then they got small again,
and then they got huge again.
And now, they're both huge and small.
What would you pay for a foldable phone?
Would you pay $100?
$200?
$300?
$350?
$375?
$1,000?
$300?
$350?
$4,000?
$2,600?
$2,600, you're in luck, because that's how much it is. $2,600.
Yes, I know.
I know.
It's the size of two phones, and the cost of four.
And then dads all around America like, see,
I told you flip phones would be back in style.
I can't wait to flip one on my belt. Just going to clip it.
Every time they come out with a new phone,
we have to learn how to use them.
So you're going to have to know how to hold them,
you're going to have to know how to fold them,
when to walk away, when to run.
Everybody.
(SINGING) You never count your money when
you're sitting at the table--
Not enough of you know that song.
If phone companies are looking for ways to improve,
I have a couple of suggestions.
Here they are.
How about a feature where if you start texting in a movie
theater, your phone explodes?
How about that?
[CHEERING]
Or how about an update that removes me
from all group texts?
How about that?
[CHEERING]
How about an app to stop but dialing my mother by accident?
Or anytime someone uses a speakerphone in public,
the police show up.
That's what I would like.
Nothing worse than you're sitting next to someone
trying to have a meal--
yes, I know, and I was--
These are only suggestions.
And I know that Mr. Huawei may say, no way.
But I say, Mr. Huawei, it's either my way or the highway,
OK?
That concludes my technology update.
Tune in tomorrow, when I tell you how to shape your brows.