You’ve experienced the Elder Scrolls Series in your own way, but want to learn more about
its story. Well, to get to the heart of the story- you have to go back to the beginning…
I want to tell ya a story…and NO… I don’t HAVE to go back to the beginning. I don’t
have to! I’m a Prince. And a Prince does what he wants. Hahaha! Oh, and I want you
to listen closely…unless of course, you’d rather I knit your entrails into a lovely
sweater…a festive, colorful, blood-soaked sweater made of your own innards! Ha! Lovely.
Perfect for a party. Oh, you’d be the envy of disemboweled bodies everywhere.
What my liege means to say is, he has decided to recount his tale to you, and will be most
displeased should you choose not to give him your undivided attention.
That’s what I meant, thank you. Yes my lord, I live to serve. In the interest
of moving things along, as some of you may be rather…limited. I will assume responsibility
for the duration of this story. My name is Haskill.
I am Chamberlain to the Daedric Lord Sheogorath: the “MadGod”, the “Gentleman with a
Cane”, and the “Prince of Madness”. He whose sphere is insanity and motives are
known to him and him alone...supposedly. The tale of how Sheogorath came to be lies
in the story of another Daedric Lord; Jyggalag, the Prince of Order and Logic.
Jyggalag! Are you actually talking about him now?!? BOOOORING! Haha! That’s right, an
UTTER bore. He’d have been oh so much more interesting if he actually HAD udders! Oh,
and horns and cloven hooves like, you know, any other boar. Also, a little curly tail…That
would be adorable. Ahem. Yes, as I was saying…
Because of his sphere of influence, Jyggalag was the fundamental master of deductive reasoning,
and is rumored to have known everything that has ever happened and everything that will
ever occur. For Jyggalag, never was there any doubt or uncertainty, only facts, only
truth. So great and so boundless was his might that it is said he was feared, and even hated
by the other Daedric Lords. In their mutual resentment the Daedric Princes banded together
and soundly defeated Jyggalag, but even while he lay broken and vanquished, they were not
yet done. The Daedric Lords placed a curse on the Prince
of Order, the most terrible fate they could dream up for a Prince who had embodied the
highest peaks of judgment and rationale. Jyggalag was damned to live on as the personification
of the deepest depths… of insanity. Where once there had stood the essence of
reason, inescapable logic and the limitless reaches of systematic deduction, there was
now only gibbering lunacy and the feverish visions of the hopelessly deranged. In their
fervor to destroy one god, the Princes had inadvertently created another, and thus was
born the Lord of the never-there; Sheogorath the Daedric Prince of Madness.
Sheogorath’s plane of Oblivion is called the Shivering Isles and like the madness it
embodies, it is a realm divided. The land of Mania is a vivid and intensely
colorful region where the denizens are given to bouts of great imagination and creativity.
Meanwhile haughty servants of Sheogorath, known as Golden Saints, maintain what laughably
passes as “peace and civility”. They also enforce Lord Sheogorath’s policies and directives.
This means you troublesome adventurers can’t meander lawlessly in our realm, as you are
so inclined on doing… While the residents of Mania boast great inspiration
and relish in the imperceptible spark that drives them to create and to conceive, they
are still quite irredeemably mad; like the Madgod himself, they are most unpredictable
and as such…extremely dangerous. The land of Dementia represents the dark,
unseen side of madness where psychopathy and paranoia reign supreme even while hidden away
from all eyes. The denizens are gloomy, fearful and trustful of no one. It is a place of shadows
and pain, where surprisingly patient Dark Seducers preserve proper peace.
Between the two realms lies the Palace of Lord Sheogorath at New Sheoth, the seat of
my Lord’s authority. It is here that I personally, am most comfortable. The outer realms are
inhospitable, to say nothing of that dreadful Fringe.
This- this is the Shivering Isles. Ah, the Shivering Isles. Home sweet home.
Tis the most interesting of locales, ya know, a true inspiration for those with eyes to
see…Hm, and even eyes that have been sucked right out of their sockets! Haha! No. As long
as they’re attached to ya, you can still enjoy the view. And what a view it is. From
Execution Point you can see the rest of your life… The rest of your life! There’s a
concept. Ya know, you mortals and your lifespans. I get so bored living forever. Without your
finite lives to fiddle with…why I shudder to think of the dullness! It’s so good to
know that when the monotony of eternal life grows insufferably dull, I have you short-lived
lot to spice things up! Hahaha! I toss an artifact or two onto the mortal realm and
the hilarity begins! Oh, you insects are so quick to start hurting each other, even your
adoring fans. Oh- ha! HIM. And they say I’m mad…
As my lord implies, the artifacts of Sheogorath are as uniquely distinctive as he is and most
are intended to bring sport and amusement to the Prince of Madness. The Fork of Horripilation
appears to be a mundane iron fork and tends to function as one. But when used as a weapon,
which Sheogorath appears to enjoy forcing mortals to do, it will stunt a user’s magical
abilities or drain them completely. As one would expect, this can pose a danger of the
highest order and it brings no end of delight to my Lord.
HA! A most brilliant comedic masterpiece indeed
my liege, but with your indulgence I shall endeavor to continue despite my helplessness
in the face of your monumental wit- Sir… The Staff of Everscamp is another of Sheogorath’s
artifacts that appears to serve no purpose other than to torment whoever holds it. Once
the engraved inscription on the Staff is read aloud, four Scamps appear, and while the creatures
are not harmful, they smell as horrendously as all other scamps. Sheogorath laughs mightily
as the beasts proceed to make a complete shambles of the bearer’s life.
HA!
Among my Lord Sheogorath’s most notorious artifacts is the staff known only as Wabbajack.
Oh! You like that one don’t ya? You mortals, you don’t shut up about it. Wabbajack this.
Wabbajack that. Wabba wabba wabba wabba- WABBAJACK! Ha. I’m turning the next one to pick it
up into mammoth’s cheese! Hoho, lovely. And then- I’ll feed it to Haskill when he’s
not looking… I shudder at the thought my lord…
To continue, the Wabbajack has extremely unpredictable effects, making it essentially useless for
the adventurer who likes to know what spell they are casting before they cast it. While
the staff can be useful, should it turn an opponent into a mudcrab, it is equally capable
of turning a troublesome imp into a soul hungry lich or worse. The outcomes are utterly random,
and of course, completely uncontrollable- as is my Lord.
There are other artifacts attributed to the Prince of Madness, of course, but I grow tired
of reciting stories for a mortal mind clearly unable to contain them all, so I’ll simply
tell you of the Madgod’s most crucial artifact- the Staff of Sheogorath.
This unusual cane functions as the very core of the Shivering Isles. While it can be seen
as a simple walking stick, albeit with an eyeball at the top, the Staff is vitally important,
for it is necessary for Sheogorath himself to sit upon the Throne of Madness. And it
is with this artifact, that the tale of my Lord reaches its climax. There is a time you
see, when the Staff of Sheogorath becomes just a useless piece of wood. It is during
the time of the Greymarch. When the Daedric Lords cursed Jyggalag to
live as Sheogorath, they also decreed that once an era he should return, to destroy all
that the Madgod had created in his time. The Shivering Isles are torn asunder by the
Forces of Order, and those who betray Sheogorath in favor of embracing Jyggalag’s logic are
reborn as Priests of Order. This terrible cycle has continued for millennia and will
come again. At some point the Greymarch must return, Jyggalag will rise and how Lord Sheogorath
will choose to approach this threat is his alone to know.
Thus ends the tale of my liege. Wherever he leads I will stand at his side, for I am Haskill,
the Chamberlain of the great Madgod. It is who I am and all I shall ever be.
Now please, I have duties to which I must attend. Rather more important than talking
with the likes of you, I’m sure. The Greymarch is at hand after all…
Yes. Let the Greymarch come. I’ll be me before he is me and then I’ll be me again.
It’ll always exist because madness will always exist. Humph, even if I’m not me,
I’ll still be me, because there must be a me for me to be me, or is it we?
Ha! What chaos! What disorder! Oh, what absolute bedlam! Why, such confusion could very well
drive a person… quite mad… Muhahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *cough cough*
Haskill, bring me something to drink. And you!
Thanks for watchin’, with those lovely eyes of yours. In fact, ya know, I just may take
those
for myself…