From throwing a brick at a bus stop to showing a cop a homemade porn shoot, the Planet Dolan
Crew re-enacts some of the best true stories from our subreddit about the very dumbest
things we’ve done while drunk.
I’m Zaraganba, and today, I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was Submitted by Nemian007 Hellbent One day Hellbent was at a giant party that
his fraternity was hosting.
He had gotten completely hammered playing “Edward Forty Hands,” and eventually saw
who he thought was his girlfriend.
Turns out, it was just a random girl, but he told her he loved her and had to go on
an adventure.
He kissed her as dramatically as possible and then ran from the room triumphantly.
The next morning, Hellbent woke up in the river at the college's nature center with
a huge bruise on his face.
He made his way back to his frat house, where everybody was scared because a crazy homeless
man was somewhere on campus.
A group of students had found him in the woods, slurring his speech and talking as though
he were in a Shakespeare play, about how there were monsters in the woods which required
"brave adventurers to combat them."
One of the guys in the group had punched the man in the face, but the man just ran off
yelling something about "wolves in the wool of sheep!"
And then he jumped in the river.
Hellbent froze when he realized that that drunken crazy homeless man was actually him.
Nobody ever found out it was him.
Number 9 was Submitted by Somebich Cid Cid was hanging out with his best friend at
a bus stop.
It was 2 am, and they were close to a large supermarket parking lot waiting for the bus,
because they didn’t want to walk the mile back to his house.
They had to wait a while, so Cid’s friend walked off to go make out with his girlfriend
in the bus stop’s glass booth.
It went on forever, so Cid threw a pebble at the glass to tell him to wrap it up.
But when it hit the glass, the whole thing exploded and shattered.
That was when Cid realized he hadn’t thrown a pebble, but a brick.
Cid’s friend started screaming, and then all of a sudden, he saw red and blue flashing
lights.
There were cops just hanging out in the parking lot, watching the whole thing.
They ran across the street, jumped a fence, and hid in some old man’s bushes for a bit.
After the cops drove off, they walked home after all.
Number 8 was Submitted by saffishly Civil Spider
One time, Civil Spider and his friends decided it would be really fun to buy cases of poppers
and have some drinks in the woods, in the middle of winter.
When they arrived, they found a Native American event set up in the woods with props, like
giant teepees and animal pelts.
They decided to go into a teepee, wrap themselves in animal pelts, and get drunk.
At one point, Civil Spider peed in the fire pit inside the teepee.
He then ran out into the woods completely drunk to search for a hunting spear.
He ended up running away and getting lost.
His friends found him at the entrance to the subway, covered in his own vomit.
He had cuts all over from the trees and bushes he ran through.
He was still wearing the animal pelts when he took the train home.
Number 7 was Submitted by Egodram Pandora Pandora had just moved into a new apartment,
and so she threw a small party for her closest friends.
She definitely had too many that night, because all she can remember is laughing her ass off
at someone's joke, and then suddenly realizing that she had to shit…
IMMEDIATELY.
Pandora spent 5 minutes hobbling around, looking for the bathroom in her own house.
She didn’t quite make it.
Number 6 was Submitted by PlayNice9001 SpinalPalm SpinalPalm was playing some Cards Against
Humanity with his college friends one night.
He'd had a fair amount of booze at that point and was definitely a little drunk, so he decided
to do something "funny."
His plan was to slam his head into the pile of cards, which were on the floor.
The floor was carpeted, so he didn't think it would hurt.
He didn’t realize that it was a thin layer of carpet on top of solid concrete.
SpinalPalm slammed his head on the floor and nearly gave himself a concussion.
His hangover headache the next day was extra strong.
Number 5 was Submitted by yisarchr Grgak When Grgak was 18, he bought a bunch of booze
with a fake ID.
He got drunk for the first time, and remembered watching a video about how it’s illegal
in North Carolina to have sex in a position other than missionary.
So Grgak and his girlfriend decided to have sex in cowboy style.
They kept the curtains pulled up, AND they recorded it.
Later that night, they went out and saw a police officer.
Grgak, still wasted, pulled up the video, got the officer’s attention, and showed
him.
About the time the cop slammed his face onto the roof of the patrol car and cuffed him,
Grgak realized that law was actually enforced.
He was in jail for about two days until he was bailed out.
Number 4 was Submitted by xXMeme_DawgXx Nixxiom One night, Nixxiom and his buddies were invited
to an AMAZING party.
Nixxiom got so drunk he could barely stand.
That was when he decided to get up on the roof of the house and scream, "HEEEY GUYS,
WATCH THIS!"
Nixxiom walked to the edge of the roof above the pool.
A friend threw a can of beer up at him, and Nixxiom yelled at him.
While yelling, he slipped off the edge into the pool, landing in the 5-foot zone and breaking
a few toes and an ankle.
Nixxiom was banned from going to that house again because of the damage he did to the
shingles on the roof.
Number 3 was Submitted by HaydenClarkFilms7776 Dolan
Dolan was at a bar and, being a light drinker, got himself drunk on about 8 beers.
He started wandering around the bar, and fell on someone's table.
The guy at the table yelled at him for disturbing his drink, and then whispered that he was
trying to get laid.
Dolan just drunkenly looked at him and said, "Okay, I got a tip for you.
Drink a bit before you have sex, okay?"
After that, Dolan drunkenly walked out of the bar, towards his car… or so he thought.
He tried to unlock it, but nothing happened, so he punched at the glass trying to break
it.
As he was doing that, a guy came running at him, yelling, "Get the hell away from my car,
I don't want you stealing my wife's sex toys!"
He got to Dolan, and punched him in the nose, knocking him out.
He woke up in an emergency room, where he learned that his legs got run over, and that
he just barely made it out alive.
Number 2 was Submitted by joker_doom_ace SaltySquid SaltySquid was drinking at a friends house,
until it got late.
He walked home, and was so drunk he couldn’t even get the key into the lock.
So SaltySquid decided he would just walk around the block, sober up and try again.
As he walked up the street, he noticed the back window was open with just the screen
in the way.
SaltySquid figured he would just remove the screen and crawling in.
So he did just that, instead of just getting his key into the lock of his front door.
Once he crawled in, he heard a voice in the dark ask, "Who the hell are you?"
Immediately, SaltySquid jumped back out the window and ran down the street.
Turns out he had broken into his neighbors’ house by mistake.
Number 1 – What’s the dumbest thing I
did while drunk?