i want you to hit me as hard as you can first there was the collapse of civilization
anarchy genocide starvation then when it seemed things couldn't get any worse we got the plague
the living death quickly closing its fist over the entire planet
and then we heard the rumors that the last scientists were working on a cure
that would end the plague and restore the world restore it why i like the death i like the misery
that's a hell of a way to intro the latest real action
but the only way when we're talking about the canon classic cyborg
sci-fi epic that was their attempt to mimic the success of mad max in blade runner
but had something neither of those films had the muscles from brussels himself
jean-claude van damme van damme's first foray into sci-fi but definitely not the last cyborg
was specifically geared towards his skills at the time acting obviously not being one
of those skills he's largely required to brood and kick butt as slinger gibson rickenbacker
not exactly the most awesome hero name ever and certainly it's no frank
a slingeris what they call a mercenary in this dystopian landscape where plague has wiped out
much of humanity leaving only the pirate gangs to run roughshod over the helpless few what little
hope is left is in the hands of a female cyborg who carries information that could cure the plague
but not if she's stopped by the massive hulk-like fender who as he makes clear right from the
beginning likes to death likes the misery and he really likes this world van damme's gibson is the
only guy who can escort her on the long journey to atlanta and along the way he picks up some help
from the altruistic lady who basically plays the hopeful counterpart to his grim nihilistic tracker
with a score to settle and demons that haunted talk to people now about cyborg and what they'll
tell you is that it could have been so much more with a bigger budget that's definitely true
but director Albert Pyun made the most of what little he had to work with the world he created
is extremely violent cruelly so with the signs of death littered everywhere even though some
of the corpses look extremely cheap in fact the goriness of it was so steep especially during the
slaughter of an entire village that vast amounts of the scene had to be cut just to achieve an
r-rate what's the limit on the number of heads on spikes before the mpaa sips in
what cyborg has is a terrific amount of world building and i would say its limited
resources add to its charm well except for the rubbery cyborg effects which are
well a distraction pion had made an impression already doing a lot with a very little on films
such as the sword and the sorcerer alien from la and radioactive dreams endearing him to john
rafan's his slightly unhinged homoerotic energy is exactly what the film needed to separate itself
from a glut of post-apocalyptic sci-fi like what's up with all of the knife sharpening and
why is it so erotic and why are all of the characters named after guitars or music companies
gibson rickenbacker strat fender tremolo even pearl prophet do i need to explain the phallic
history behind the rock guitar probably not and this ain't the place for it anyway
this being a cannon film the focus had to be on van damme and it's hilarious but also totally
on brand that the first we see of him is his leg not his face or even his vaunted muscles
just his leg that iconic leg that jump kicked the [ __ ] out of chong li that leg which does
van damme's legendary split attached to that leg is a boot with a knife in it the boot knife
you've seen it a thousand times in movies since but 12 year old me couldn't get over how cool
the boot knife was how was this guy not ruler of the damn universe with something so awesome
and while we're on the subject of jcvt's limber limbs you damn right his split makes
an appearance and once again it's to inflict massive amounts of bodily harm in blood sport
it was a bunch of guys straightened nads here is to launch an aerial strike on a stalking behemoth
played by the great character actor ralph muller of gladiator fame
others register their hands as lethal weapons but none are more deadly than jcvt's
split
cyborg arrived at a curious time for canon basically the final movie of the revered
golan globus era cyborg wasn't to have happened at all at least not initially pune had been hired
to direct masters of universe 2 in a spider-man movie back to back but this was during a time when
canon was branching out to larger more expensive features that would set the studio back greatly
masters of the universe was a financial bust and that was the same year as the maligned
superman iv the quest for nuclear boredom with cannon hemorrhaging cash they were forced to drop
deals on pune's other films so they brought him in to do cyborg which he hurriedly wrote in a
single weekend and shot in about three weeks the result was a final hurrah for golan and globus
earning close to 10 million dollars on a 500 000 budget sequels followed including cyborg 2 which
starred at young angelina jolie and elias casey jones coteaus a third starring malcolm mcdowell
was released straight to dvd in 1995. pion went on to launch his own series of cyborg-esque films
but in 2011 he managed to get a hold of his original siteboard cut
a more violent 35 millimeter version with the original music by tony riparedi and jim sod
which you can buy direct from the filmmaker himself now that's just pretty goddamn cool
cyborg's cast is basically top to bottom with muscle heads dudes who look like they drank a
gallon of super soldier serum and chased it with a radioactive spider bite the standout of the bunch
is vincent klein as the sadistic fender a villain so badass he responds been there when told to go
to hell he literally crucifies his foes rocks a chain male shirt and has eyes so menacing it's
a wonder gibson didn't piss his pants as an actor klein was even lower on the emotional ladder than
van damme which is why neither was asked to say all that much but when klein had going for him
was incredible presence and a god-like physique he probably could have been a huge star in the genre
realm if he had wanted to but his career is mainly small appearances the biggest input break double
dragon and baywatch the final battle between gibson and fender is an exercise in bulging
biceps and neck muscles a brutal display under the pouring rain there's something mildly westernish
about the way pune shoots it like two gunfighters having a standoff hmm slinger short for gunslinger
maybe of course there are no guns and it comes down to the blunt edge of a blade as it should
ah
van damme would go on to do the more polished universal soldier and time cop
but neither has quite the personality or longevity as cyborg
and if rumors are true that pune is working on a true sequel that would also bring back
klein and vandam then that's news worth sharpening your knives to cyborg gets 7 out of 10 stallones
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