I can't believe it's your first time in Maryland. You're gonna love it here.
Really? You think so?
I know so. Maryland's the best.
Guys, this is Brandon, my cousin from California.
Hey everyone!
So we have a celebrity in our presence. If it isn't Mr. Hollywood.
Actually, I'm from San Fran-
Maryland has lots of celebrities: Dave Chappelle, David Hasselhoff, Sisqo!
Two words. Thong Song. [Cheering]
Film! Do you want to talk film?
Nah, not really...
What do all these moving pictures have in common?
The Wire, the Keepers, Homicide, Homicide Hunters, Serial Mom.
They were all filmed in Maryland.
He's just not that into you.
I love that movie! Yea, that's a good movie!
Okay, so what's there to do in Maryland?
Everything!
Mountains, beaches, cities, farms. What other state has that?
Um... Oregon, North Carolina, New York, California -
But just California have Ocean City?
We have lots of ocean cities.
What?
I bet you don't have Senior Week.
Yea!!!
What's Senior Week?
It's where we send the kids to drink beer until they blackout.
That sounds horribly irresponsible.
I'm 35 and I still go.
And that's creepy.
We got the best city in America, Baltimore City!
Charm City. The city that reads! REEEDDD!
Says who?
Our benches!
Your benches?
Yeah, them things you sit on!
Yea, I know what a bench is... Have any of you ever actually left Maryland?
Why would we leave the greatest state in the greatest country in the whole world?
I don't know... Why don't you ask the Colts!
TRAITORS!
Don't you ever speak that name in our presence.
Who needs the Colts anyway when you got the Ravens! Caccaw! Caccaw! Caccaw!
Cock Oww!
Are you saying Cock Oww?
I got crabs...
Crab cakes and football, that's what Maryland does!
Everyone does that.
It's called the National Football League and California has crabs.
No self-respecting crab would ever leave the Chesapeake!
Self-respecting crab?
Two words! Old Bay.
Old what?
BAY!
How have you not heard of most delectable blend of 18 herbs and
spices that just tingle your taste buds all the way down to your no-no zone.
No-no zone?
We put Old Bay on everything. Crabs, crab cakes, crab pizza, crab fries, crab soup
crab balls, crab pecan crusted pie, crab...
Give me some Old Bay and put it on my balls!
What? What kind of barbecue is this?
An we'll wash it down with a smooth, refreshing Natty Boh.
Bohs and Os!
While watching the only team sport where white people can win. Lacrosse!
Bros and Os!
Wait? Isn't Natty Boh made in North Carolina?
YOU LIE!
Maryland makes everything. The B&O Railroad, the C&O Canal, the letter "O."
I don't think that's true...
Nose Goes! Moco, Rofo, Poconos -
Yoko Ono!
Okay, you're just rhyming.
Maryland: America in Miniature.
Maryland: The Terrapin State.
Maryland: 600 Homicides.
Okay, she's scaring me.
And the biggest, boldest motherfucking flag in the universe.
This is insane. You're all insane. Maryland sucks!
I'm gonna kill him [Screams]
Wait! [Knocking]
Who the hell is that?
Shhh! Let the hon speak.
Hons of Bawlmer. I am Tommy Johnson.
[Seven Nation Army Chant]
Yea, I heard. Eats crabs by the hundreds and if he were here now, he'd go down the
ocean in the Summer and use the water from the zinc to wash his ass.
I am Tommy Johnson.
We ain't insane. Pizzas are square, bergers are cookies, and Iron Man is a
superhero, but his name is Cal Ripken, Jr.
F*ck Tony Stark
What the f*ck are you talkin about?
Where else do DJs combine club music with
Nickelodeon theme songs? Baltimore!
Where else can you get good pit beef with tiger sauce
and go to the strip club at the same time?
Pulaski Highway, that's where!
Yea!
And they may insult our lives.
Yea!
But they will never take away our freedom!
Yea!
So let's come together go down there and beat Virginia!
F*ck Virginia!
Oh, I get it there's a football game today.
No, there ain't no game today, you dummy.
Charge!
Maryland ain't insane. The world's insane.