I was sitting with my girls and joy said
hey I wish you'd get off my back
my daddy he calls me all the time lucky
for you he calls it all sad jasmine I
haven't heard from my dad in years at
this moment I knew that girls needed a
way to connect with their fathers and
camp Diva my nonprofit organization we
have these types of conversations all
the time as a way to help girls of
African descent prepare for their
passage into womanhood these girls just
need it a way to invite their fathers
into their lives on their own terms so I
asked the girls how can we help other
girls develop healthy relationships with
their fathers let's have a dance one
girl shouted and all the girls quickly
backed her up
they started dreaming about the
decorations invitations the dresses they
were going to wear and what their
fathers could and could not wear it was
off and running before I could even
blink my eyes but even if I could have
slowed down those girls I wouldn't have
because one thing that I have learned
from over a decade of working with girls
is that they already know what they need
the wisdom lives inside of them as long
as they have infrastructure mentorship
and resources they could build what they
need not only to survive but to thrive
so we had a dance
and girls and their fathers came in
multitude they were dressed to the nine
they acted sweet they acted silly they
really enjoyed each other's company it
was a huge success and the girls decided
to make it an annual event so as the
seasons changed and it was time to plan
the dance again one girl named Brianna
spoke up and she said my dad can come to
the dance and this whole thing is making
me sad why not the girls acts because
he's in jail she bravely emitted well
can he just get out for a day one of the
girls acts
and come in shackles that's worse than
not having him here at all at this
moment I saw an opportunity for the
girls to rise to the occasion and to
become their own heroes so I asked what
do you think we should do about this we
want every girl to experience the dance
right so the girls thought for a moment
and one girl suggested why don't we just
take the dance in the jail most of the
girls doubted the possibility of that
and said are you crazy
who is going to allow a bunch of little
girls dressed up
to come inside of jail and dance what
their daddies in spongebob suits because
that's what they called them I said
girls well well you never know unless
you acts so a letter was written to the
Richmond City Sheriff sign collectively
by each girl and I would have to say he
is a very special Sheriff
he contacted me immediately and said
whenever there is an opportunity to
bring families inside his doors are
always open because one thing he did
know that when fathers are connected to
their children it is less likely that
they will return
so 16 inmates and 18 girls were invited
the girls were dressed in their Sunday
best and the fathers traded in their
yellow and blue jumpsuits for shirt and
ties they hugged they shared a full
catered meal of chicken and fish they
laughed together it was beautiful
the fathers and daughters even
experienced that opportunity to have a
physical connection something that a lot
of them didn't even have for a while
fathers were in a space where they were
able to make their daughters plate and
pull out her chair and extend his hand
for a dance even the guards cried but
after the dance we all realized that dad
still will be in jail so we needed to
create something that they could take
with them so we brought in flip cams and
we had them look at the flip cams and
just interview each other's their
messages their thoughts this was going
to be used as a touchstone so when they
started to miss each other and feel
disconnected they could reconnect
through this image I never forget that
one girl looked in her father's eyes
with that camera and said daddy when you
look at me what do you see because our
daddies are our mirrors that we reflect
back on when we decide about what type
of man we deserve and how they see us
for the rest of our lives I know that
very well
because I was one of the lucky girls I
have had
my father in my life always he's even
here today
and that is why it is extremely special
for me to make sure that these girls are
connected to their fathers especially
those who are separated because of
barbed wires and metal doors we have
just created a forum for girls who have
heavy questions on their heart to be in
a position to ask their fathers those
questions and given the fathers the
freedom to answer because we know that
the fathers are even leaving with this
one thought what type of woman and I
preparing to put in the world because a
father is locked in does not mean he
should be locked out of his daughter's
life
you