It was like the most real and the most,
even vulnerable at times, I've ever been like on a song.
What it represents the song itself within the industry,
it has so many key points,
like even surrounding the song,
like outside of the song itself.
Which is why it's gonna be super important for me
and for a lot of other people.
It felt really great.
This song right here,
it was pretty magical how it came about, pretty much.
I just had got an Airbnb during the start of COVID,
so I could start working on my album
like last year in April.
So this came around June.
I had started recording songs,
and it was kinda like really hard for me,
to start like back making music,
'cause I was so in my head or whatever.
The storyline happens, this night in the summer,
where I take a break from working on the album
and I go visit this guy who's like an artist's house,
'cause you know he's like,
"Come visit in my house, or whatever,"
and I was like, "Okay."
Boom, I get there,
and then I'm like,
"Oh, I like this guy a lot."
And the next day I started writing the song.
This song is called,
"Call Me By Your Name,"
which is themed after the movie,
'Call Me By Your Name,'
and the running theme in that is,
"Call me by your name and I'll call you by mine."
So it's my name, the song is my name,
but it's the person's name
because I'm calling them by my own name, you get it?
It was so super literal,
it literally was something that had just occurred
like the day before.
And I was like,
"Okay, how do I make sure,
I'm telling this as if it were a story?"
You know how Usher has a song like, "U got it bad,"
I'm already falling for this person who I just met.
It's like, "I got it bad."
It wasn't the actual call,
it was a DM, but a call works better for this song.
It was really scary, 'cause when COVID first started,
I was completely shook.
I didn't even let family and friends come around me
'cause I'm like...
I get a real scared with that kind of shit.
But it was really dope, going out
and seeing the actual humans
and having human interaction for that night.
It seems as if they're spiraling,
and it's like,
okay, you're having fun but,
I feel like your life
is not where it needs to be, I guess.
'Cause especially in Hollywood,
it's party cultures, we're all having fun,
we're all excited, but it's like,
sometimes it sucks you in so much that people get lost.
We're definitely having a lot of fuckin' fun,
but it's like your focus has completely shifted.
I'm not gonna lie.
I've definitely fell into that trap a couple of times
and every now and then I like to just say, fuck it,
I'm finna go crazy at least for this week.
But once the week is over with,
or once that time I've had is over,
it's like, "Damn, was it worth it?
Did I really need to do that?
Am I any happier? Nah."
When I got there,
I saw the drugs and I saw the alcohol.
You know, I partaked, in the alcohol part at least.
It's just kinda like a double entendre kind of thing,
'cause it's like, "You live in the dark," as in
your life is not in a happy spot.
At least that's what I'm receiving from you.
And it's also with these eyes you're making at me,
like you live in the dark, like in the closet kind of thing.
I can't pretend I don't see you doing this shit
or I can't pretend, I don't notice these things.
Okay, it's like, "I'm not fazed only here to sin,"
It's like, okay, you do you,
I'm only here to fuck around.
I'm only here to be in your company kind of thing.
"If Eve ain't in your garden, you know that you can,"
it's kind of like, "Oh yeah, if you don't got a girl
if you ain't like hiding behind a cloak, let me know."
I mean, I watched that movie around the exact same time.
It was like everything just lined up for this song
to be created pretty much.
And that was like one of the first
gay films that I had watched.
And I thought the theme was so dope,
of calling somebody by your own name as lovers
and like trying to keep it between you two kind of thing.
If you watch the movie, it's just like,
it takes you to another world, the way everything is shot,
the way the dialogue goes on,
the way the background sounds are used,
it's like everything about it's so artsy and I was like,
"Oh, this is cool as fuck.
This is more than just,
this is more than just that, you know?"
Well, with the humming it's kinda like,
it's kinda used as a mating call almost.
It's a whole different way to communicate with somebody,
you know, it's like, "Hmm," or it's like, "Mmhmm."
It's like you're talking without saying anything,
but the other person knows what you mean.
This is like where the song kind of turns
more desperate almost, you know?
And it's really very much a lust song.
Okay. You buying this drug.
I wanna give it to you, you know,
or I wanna be that drug,
kind of thing.
And, "I wanna feel on your ass in Hawaii,"
that one's pretty self-explanatory,
like let's go on a vacation.
Let me feel on your ass.
When I said that in the studio
everybody's just kinda looked back at me,
and was like, it was kind of a funny moment,
but I was like, "Okay, it's about time that I say something
out of pocket in a song."
It's like the exact same way
with when I put,"I might bottom on the low, but I top shit,"
in "Holiday," you know, it's kinda like, okay,
let's normalize having these fuckin' lines in songs
the same way, you know, somebody might talk
about fuckin' a girl or fuckin' a guy, you know,
with opposite genders, you know,
I feel like that's really important
for representation in general.
And this is going to open more doors
for one day when somebody says this, it's like,
"Oh, that person said that,
and I didn't even think about it, you know."
Anything I do or say it's me opening my mouth.
And a lot of people see it
as me opening my mouth for so many people.
And not because it's I'm Lil Nas X
simply because of my identity itself too.
It's a sign, how things are changing
and how fast things are changing.
This song is a sign of the times.
You know, this album that I'm creating is
gonna be a sign of the times.
"Dime and a nine, it was mine every week,"
10 plus nine, you know?
I'm sitting at the top of these charts 19 weeks
just like dime and nine is mine every week.
It's such a great time in my life.
How fast things are going up...
God's shining on me.
God's looking at me.
He's like, "Okay, I fuck with you," pretty much.
It just like once I realize, you know,
I'm able to do something and I'm able to connect
with it on whatever like huge level or somethin' it's like,
"Okay, I'm stuck.
This is my thing."
I feel more committed now more than even then, you know?
And now I'm acting hella elite.
It's like, I'm acting like, I'm that motherfucker.
You feel me?
I mean, I am.
That's how I feel.
That's the truth.
And when I say envy, I don't mean somebody who
may be above me professionally or like
sexier than me, or like stronger than me.
It's just kind of like, "Okay,
I love what this person is about.
I love what this person is doing.
I want this person."
If somebody is doing the exact same thing as me,
it's like, "Okay, I'm good on you.
I want this person right here."
This is probably when the lust gets the most desperate.
"Tell me you love me in private,"
like, I don't care if you know, this is not a public thing,
or I don't even care if you don't really mean it.
Just say it, you know, maybe I'll believe it.
That's how a lot of people feel every now and then
like in certain relationships, sometimes you get too simp.
You get too...
You become the simp too hard.
You down too bad.
And that's how I felt at that moment.
So, this comes out to one of those periods where
I had like my little spiral moment where I'm just
doing all shit like drinking, smoking heavily
and fuckin' people, you know?
And it's kinda like after such a long time
I'm like, "Okay, I want you.
This is what I want.
I don't care if it's not real."
I didn't include these lines in the official song
but I put it in the video.
So now y'all gotta go watch the video.
You have no choice.
You'd never hear in your life.
Once you watch the video
you're gonna be like, "Okay, this clicks more."
'Cause it's kinda like this walking scene.
It's like,
I'm walking over to somebody and then I'm like, "Fuck it!
Let's go.
Let's get with it."
And then there's like this little break dance
kind of sound thing going on.
It's gonna be sick though.
It had already seemed like I'd been going from
the music industry, like forever, almost,
especially in these times when music runs so
quickly and I was like, "Oh, God.
like what I'm I...
Like why have I waited this long.
What am I doing?"
And you know, like I was really just going
through like an emotional breakdown kind of thing
but you know, I got over it.
I'm in a great place now.