I love fun facts well do you want jeans
yeah it's just always so hard to know if
jeans are gonna fit well fun fact if you
wrap the waistband or on your neck you
can kind of tell how it's gonna fit oh
you know what I left my measuring tape I
have no idea if that dresser is gonna
fit in my new space or not oh well fun
fact actually your arm span is about the
same size is your height so we can get a
good idea so for my chest to my fingers
is about 2.6 V X I'm 5 foot 2 so if we
measure 2 feet is 24 inches plus 7 so
it's 31 inches exactly cool I just feel
so embarrassed that I said that in front
of everyone well fun fact we're all
gonna die actually that does make me
feel better
but anyway fun fact I have always
thought of myself as someone who deeply
desires and seeks out commitment but in
my oso enlightening adventures with the
dating coach don't judge me and a new
therapist who specializes in attachment
theory I have found out I am very afraid
of commitment and here are some signs
that you are to one you have a long
elaborate list for your ideal person and
when you do have a potential suitor you
strategically nitpick to the point where
you talk yourself out of pursuing
something serious often bailing on those
that are promising look I'm a 1700s sea
shanties girl and you're more like 1600
so this isn't gonna work
- you're very interested until they are
you often find yourself enjoying the
pursuit of a relationship more than
actually being in one and you're
frequently attracted to those who are
unavailable or who you know deep down it
will eventually abandon you get a life
make one with me coward 3 you still feel
scarred
from a previous relationship and you
carry those beliefs over into the now
you are convinced most likely
unconsciously but any future partner
will hurt you the way that your past one
did and as a result you keep everyone at
an arm's length
fun fact you're 2.6 feet away from me
some smaller more subtle signs are you
cultivated large network with various
friend groups in a busy work life
essentially leaving no room for dating
you back out of dates last-minute
frequently and you blow hot and cold in
the dating game in general you stay in
relationships that are chaotic clearly
going nowhere or you go from one
short-lived relationship to the next you
think your married friends settled and
that their lives must be boring you
cling to this idea that freedom can only
exist when you're single and that
relationships are a prison okay so maybe
you feel personally attacked by this
video and maybe some of you are
realizing that you do have commitment
issues what now
well besides going to a therapist who
can help you uncover why you carry these
subconscious beliefs that love and
relationships are a threat to your
security and freedom as a human being
and help you unravel these fears to the
point that they no longer control your
life anymore
a book that really helped me was
attachment theory I am classified as an
anxious attachment with a strong fear of
abandonment so I was able to start
working on creating secure attachment
with myself in order to have stronger
bonds with others knowing your
attachment style and relationships is
incredibly helpful when you have anxiety
around commitment because you can then
tailor your approach to unraveling the
narrative that your brain is telling you
that love is while also focusing on
redefining love it takes a lot of a
conscious effort lots of trial and error
and you know I haven't quite gotten
there yet and don't know if love is real
it ever could have happened but
eventually I believe commitment will not
be something that I fear it's something
that I've welcomed I felt good I felt
good about that performance let's go and
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listening makes you feel extra
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I do it whenever I'm in that--it aureus
LA traffic working out at the gym doing
chores or just getting ready in the
morning right now I'm listening to
insecure in love since I'm an anxious
attachment with an extra dose of fear of
abandonment so in times of conflict
anxious attachments reach out for
reciprocity
whereas avoidance tend to withdraw which
leads to this really fun cycle of just
constantly chasing love insecure and
love is really insightful about how to
break free of this really frustrating
pattern and deal with anxiety in your
relationships in a more productive way
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