So I don't know if you've seen my original video on the ENFP dark side I
released a few years ago describing my experience being involved in a start-up
and what happened when I was under extreme stress but guys the dark side
returned and it was intense and if you like I'm just gonna share that story
here so this video might have a few less cuts and things like that I'm just gonna
try to tell the story which was very recent the same way I would if we were
sitting down at a you know far together or a coffee shop but as some of you know
I have a rule against coffee meetings entirely so this happened about a week
ago I'm filming this now in Prague but at the time I was in Ukraine and I was
in Ukraine with a friend of mine on an investment trip we're looking at buying
property there maybe I'll do another video about why that is and why I think
Ukraine has more potential than just about anywhere in the world right now as
an investment and as a people and have just been really impressed by the
country but that's for a different time so I'm there with this friend and when
we first arrived we have a week of staying in different Airbnb zand because
of some poor booking decisions we ended up staying like two nights in one place
four nights in another place two nights in another place and by the end of this
like by day 8 especially the last place was terrible it was not as advertised by
the end of these 8 days I hadn't slept really maybe an hour for the last two
nights because of the poor sleep we were running around all day looking at maybe
10 properties a day we're already in a bit of an intense environment we're
fairly good friends but this is our first you know business dealing together
we're in a country that is in an interesting situation it's in a civil
war there's no mortgages the banks have some issues you know it's an intense in
situation on that way but you throw in being pretty sleep-deprived and
physically like because of how we were moving around I hadn't had a chance to
join a gym my knee was a bit injured so I wasn't running wasn't really eating
the way I would like to so you combine all these factors and
you might guess you're not at your best nothing is going that well and I was
managing to generally keep up with some things in terms of my own business and
that and made some good decisions earlier in the week I think but
ultimately around day 8 day 9 was not in the best state of mind and it was around
day 8 that the outcome of our first decision took place where basically we
had to finalize a contract and move forward on something and something that
I realized later and on a gut level I knew the whole time I didn't think was a
good decision and I didn't express myself I didn't put that out there like
I should have and I'm going to film another video today as well about that
about enfps and feeling controlled and also what we need to do as leaders to
really have a good partnership so I'm gonna get into that a lot more in that
video but for the sake of this story this decision I did not feel great about
but I did not express that I did not put that out there and so kind of by day 9
by day 10 I was really feeling worried about parts of this partnership I was
feeling like I was under a lot of control like I was not making my own
decisions and I had this feeling of like what am I getting myself into like this
is maybe what I did sign on for but it doesn't feel like what I signed on for
in that moment and really a feeling of dread and and not fear but just like a
pit of my stomach kind of stress and worry that I haven't felt to that extent
at least really for years and feeling this and and it was not a not a great
place to be but I was trying my best to be you know super Dan here and reflect
on why like what do I want out of this situation what is going on why am I
feeling this way and I was doing different reflection and I was taking
some notes and writing things down and a lot of it was outward focused it was
about maybe the the situation or about my business partner you know things like
oh maybe he did this or he did that and you know blah blah blah and it hit me a
bit all at once on this day where everything actually well I'll save the
end of the story to the end of the video but it hit me that shit den you're in
the ENFP dockside you made a freaking video about this is one of your most
popular video you're under extreme stress you haven't slept
you're not running and you're not doing the things you do to think well and all
these traits being paranoid thinking that other people or maybe being
manipulative or all this sort of thing that's what I talked about in that video
at least if I remember right I haven't actually watched the video since I
filmed it but I'm pretty sure that's what I talked about and I realize that I
had gotten into the state I was going into my shadow side I was not being
myself and thinking critically thinking thinking intelligently about the whole
thing and that was a good realization and I'll link to that video as well
where I described in more detail what this shadow side what this dark side
really looked like and felt like but ultimately it was a lot of putting
things on the outside blaming other people being paranoid being very
pedantic and worried about every little detail really that wasn't the case and
sort of this this peak of this whole event what happened we ended up having a
really good breakthrough both as a partnership with our own discussion but
also with events that happened and that kind of broke the ice I think at least
for me we had a really good meeting with someone else about some properties and
it was like huh okay I can I can think now like let's break that tension and
and then I started to reflect and talk about it and did something quite smart I
think and that was Express a lot of this to my to my business partner about what
was going on and kind of my own thoughts and feelings on it and I definitely
realized so he is I hope he doesn't mind sharing cuz he's otherwise anonymous in
this case he is an INTJ and INTJs they do a lot of things that
move they like to move things forward right they progress they want to drive
things forward and they tend to be pretty logical
now that does not always mean they make great decisions necessarily and that's
something I'll maybe do another video about is kind of the insights into the
ENFP and INTJ partnership but they tend to be quite logical and just move things
forward and it you can project as an ENFP all you want on to that about their
intentions and this and that but usually it's about really just moving the
project forward getting it to where it needs to go so I realize that under this
stress that I was projecting a lot of more like manipulative behavior that's
the right way to say it on other people and not taking responsibility for myself
and I'll do a set another video about this but ultimately I was not expressing
myself the way I should I was not saying hey here's what I want hey I think this
is a dumb decision hey I don't want to do this or I do want to do this I was
not expressing any of that that was all in my head and some of it wasn't even in
my head it was in my gut and I didn't even realize it was in my gut until
afterwards and maybe wasn't trusting my intuition or expressing myself and so
from this other person's perspective and gabi my girlfriend and video editor as
she's watching this right now is probably thinking yeah asshole you do
that with me sometimes do you don't say what you really want and express
yourself that is was a big takeaway for me is needing to take responsibility for
what I articulate to other people that I cannot keep something in my head had to
have a gut feeling and then be upset that we don't do things my way when I
never fought to do things my way when I never really expressed myself and what I
thought and what I wanted to do and then blame someone else for the circumstance
we end up in when it was me who didn't help redirect that circumstance and so
if you want if you sit back and you let someone else direct the circumstance
what do you think is going to happen where do you think it is gonna go like
you're not going to have the same say then if you speak up and fight for your
opinion and express yourself and all that right so now I have to say things
resolve themselves and worked out better than I could have imagined at the time
of that uncertainty of that stress I did get myself a little bit
combination of going for a run in a t-shirt and shorts in November in
Ukraine and all the stress I did get sick but when things started to resolve
when we kind of crossed over that peak and started discussing things and I
realized what was going on with myself I took a day spent seven hours watching
Hawaii five-o and having a lot of orange juice and tea to get myself better
Hawaii five-o by the way is my guilty pleasure it's such a bad show but yet
somehow makes me feel warm and good inside even though people were murdered
in every episode they're like whole Aloha spirit type thing going on I don't
know but that's like the show i watch when I just totally want a de-stress and
you know be recuperating if I'm sick or something like that so I gave myself a
day of completely relaxing to both physically and mentally start recovering
hopefully my adrenal glands will be back to normal after all that stress and
really I could not be more grateful for the experience I have to be honest the
last few years of my life has been amazing I am madly in love with the best
possible partner I could ever imagine my business is good I have great people on
my team my life is really good and I feel like an asshole now how I'm
describing this but hey it's true it's how I really feel and I haven't had any
big challenges in a while and one of the things we're when life does kick your
ass or in this case it wasn't life kicking my ass it was my ownself sort of
creating those situations under an otherwise externally stressful situation
granted is you gain a lot of insights and you grow and I do feel like this
experience helped me grow and it's one of the reasons I'm excited about moving
forward with with that investment as well is it will probably be challenging
but that's a great opportunity for growth and insight so if you haven't
watched the original ENFP Darkseid video a link to that at the end of the video
here as well and I'm going to be filming another video with more of my insights
into being an ENFP feeling controlled learning to express yourself and
ultimately to be a good partner both for the people that you are in a partnership
with but also for yourself because you're going to
feel a lot better so do subscribe to the channel if you haven't already so that
you see that when it comes out in a couple days here or probably is already
out by time you're watching this video, hit the bell so you're notified and I
will catch you in another video soon. Ciao!