How is your caprese?
I was told that the cheese here was made
by a blind nun in a basement.
Whenever I stay at a White Lotus,
I always have a memorable time.
[speaks Italian]
You're gay?
Tanya.
Tell me everything from the beginning.
Well,
I was born in San Francisco.
Oh, from the very beginning.
OK.
You know, sometimes I think
I should have started that spa
for poor women with that girl from Maui.
I'm traveling by myself--
You bring your assistant
to a vacation with your husband?
Anything you need,
I'll be there.
I don't know what the big deal is.
I don't know why you're so bothered.
Because I said no!
It's not like she's
going to be in our bed and stuff.
You hate me, don't you?
Shut up.
I do not. No, I don't.
I think you do.
You know what?
I'm paying attention.
Hey!
Hello?
Yeah.
Could you take a photo of us?
On the vespa?
For sure. You look so pink.
Guess who I am.
Watch, watch!
I'm Monica Vitti!
Do you have any Oreo cookie cake?
My God.
It looks just like Greg.
Greg?
My husband.
Only he has hair.
I feel like if you
really love me
you wouldn't leave.
I have to.
Is it the prenup?
Is that why you wanna -- is it because I have the prenup?
I can get rid of the prenup.
We can talk about that
when I get back in two days.
You knew I wasn't great at this.
I've been married four times.
Four?!
I thought it was only three.
Four including you.
I just love you.
It's just been a series of
very bad decisions.
You've had very bad luck.
I know. I know.
You're like
the heroine of your own Italian opera.
Does that mean I'm doomed?
Are there any psychics in this town?
Oh, yeah.
I want -- I want
to know if we're going to make it.
I mean,
I just want to know
if our marriage is going to last.
You've never been in love,
ever?
Once.
Yes,
before I got wise.
I was young.
Who was he?
I have to fly to Denver tomorrow.
What?
It's just for, like, two, three days.
We're only here for a week. Why?
They're trying to slash our budget.
I have to go out there
and have a showdown with these fuckers,
and it's just bad timing.
Yeah, but, I mean, couldn't
someone else do it?
You're on vacation.
Yeah.
You insisted that we come to Sicily
and have this romantic week.
This card means deceit
is being deceitful.
And this card means beauty.
There's someone beautiful in his life.
Couldn't that be me?
Not you.
Not me?
For sure not you.
Don't spend your life
chasing emotionally unavailable men.
Oh, you'll spend your whole life
just banging your head
against the wall.
You two been having sex on the boat.
That's what you've been doing.
No.
I'm jealous.
Portia, meet me in Taormina.
We got to get the fuck out of here.
Gay guys are really the best.
Because, let's face it,
women are kind of
depressing.
You are so negative.
You think?
Yeah.
I think most women are drips.
But it's not their fault.
They have a lot to be depressed about.
Hey! I mean, these are some high-end gays.
You know, when I was a little girl,
my mother used to dress me up
like a little doll,
and I was always a little doll.
Waiting for someone to play with me.
You know,
when you're empty inside
and you have no direction,
you'll end up in some crazy places, right?
But you'll still be lost.
What are you trying to say?
Get your shit together, Portia.
I feel like something bad is happening.
What do you mean, bad?
I don't know.
I just have this really weird
feeling that something bad
is going to happen.
To you or to me?